Silvia Guinea: "Emotional management is basic to deal with children’s tantrums".

Psychologist Silvia Guinea gives the keys to deal with misbehavior in children.

Many of the keys to good psychological development of children depend not only on the correct growth of their brain and other Biological aspects; the way in which they interact with the environment and with others is also fundamental.

However, this can pose many challenges for parents; it is not uncommon for children's behavior not to conform to the rules they are supposed to follow. For this reason, there are those who need to turn to child and adolescent psychotherapy professionals in order to establish educational, communication and parenting dynamics that work. In this interview with psychologist Silvia Guinea we will talk about just that: behavioral problems in children.

Interview with Silvia Guinea: what is hidden behind recurrent misbehavior in children?

Silvia Guinea Castany is a health psychologist expert in the psychological care of children and adolescents and adults.and has her practice in Madrid. In addition to her intervention sessions with children, she also advises parents so that they can contribute to the correct development and learning of their children. In this interview, she will talk to us about the problems arising from inappropriate behavior in childhood.

Do you think that, in general, parents often have an overly reductionist and simplistic view of their children's inappropriate behavior when they are young?

I think there are different fathers and mothers. There are those who inform themselves, read a lot, go to many workshops on child behavior and attend parenting schools. These parents usually have a more general and clearer vision of what causes a maladaptive behavior or misbehavior, as it is said among parents, to appear and be maintained.

However, there are also parents who believe that their children's maladaptive behaviors occur because the child "challenges me", is disobedient or wants attention. But the truth is that behind a behavior of this style it is necessary to have a more global vision of the problem.

From what you have seen throughout your professional career, does it usually happen that parents reinforce their children's bad behavior without realizing it?

This happens more than we think and it is usually due to ignorance. Therefore, I always have some sessions dedicated to parents, so that they acquire a series of educational guidelines at home that are consistent and coherent, so that they learn what to reinforce and when.

On the other hand, we also work on other behavior modification techniques that can help them reduce those maladaptive behaviors that occur in the day to day at home and that generate so much intrafamily stress.

As adults, what role does our regulation of emotions and impulses play when children get into a state of "tantrum" and act chaotically?

It is essential for parents to remain calm during a tantrum, which is not always easy. But, what is clear is that if you lose your temper and yell at them, children tend to become more nervous and it is difficult for them to calm down. Therefore, I would say that good emotional management on the part of parents is fundamental in the face of children's tantrums.

In fact, I like to explain to parents that it is not their children who cause them as parents to lose their temper, but their way of tolerating frustration and their emotional management that causes them to lose patience with certain behaviors of their children.

What are some of the most common reasons why, for example, children refuse to obey the rules at home?

Among the most common causes that I find in consultation we can say that there is usually an ineffective way of giving orders by some parents, theirs is to be at least in the same room as the child and not to give more than two orders at a time. Also, there is usually little reinforcement of the opposite behavior, i.e., praising them when they do comply and are obedient. This would improve the number of times the child decides to obey.

On the other hand, it is always important to make a good evaluation because sometimes it is not always a behavioral issue, but the child may have an emotional problem or a disorder that makes it more difficult than other children his age to obey, for example, a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and / or Hyperactivity (ADHD).

What can be done from psychotherapy to help these children and families in relation to the misbehavior of the little ones?

From child psychology it is always necessary to make a good assessment of the situation and thus rule out other causes for which the child may be behaving in a maladaptive way. As I mentioned before, it could be that the child is hiding an emotional problem or ADHD.

Once the cause of why the child behaves the way he/she does is found, some psychoeducation sessions are held with the parents. In these sessions we explain the functioning of the child's behavior, the ways to increase those behaviors that we like and reduce those that are maladaptive through behavior modification techniques, the different existing educational styles, etc.

In addition, these techniques are adapted to each child and specific situation that occurs with them, at home or in the street, so that parents know how to act. Subsequently, we work with the child on managing their emotions, identifying and managing anger, teaching them to look for solutions, etc.

And what general advice would you give to parents so that they know how to apply behavioral norms for children effectively, without creating unnecessary conflicts?

Although there is some general advice that can be applied, it should be noted that each child, each family and each situation is different and, therefore, the ideal is to adapt the guidelines to each circumstance.

Generic guidelines may not work in certain cases, so it is recommended to consult a professional if such maladaptive behaviors persist. In this way, the techniques and tools provided by the professional will be adapted to each particular case.

As general advice, one of them would be to keep in mind that a large part of the learning that the child does is done by observation. You, as a parent, are his greatest example. From you he will learn how to manage a conflict, how to get angry, how to demand something, how to react to an unforeseen event, etc. If you yell when you get angry, it is very likely that he will also yell.

On the other hand, it is always highly recommended that we try to focus on what they do well. Some parents are very obsessed with constantly correcting and demanding their children and overlook everything they do well. Therefore, it is essential to praise them from time to time for all those behaviors that we do like about them.

In addition, it also helps a lot to give orders well, that is, from the same room, when I have achieved eye contact with the child, do not ask for things if they are looking at a screen because at that moment they do not listen to us, be very specific with what we ask for, etc.

And finally, it is highly recommended that father and mother act in the same way when faced with a child's maladaptive behavior and apply the same technique, only in this way they will be able to reduce those "bad behaviors".