Spiteful people: 10 traits and attitudes that characterize them

Spitefulness: a negative feeling that can be very detrimental to your psychological health.

We have all come across spiteful people throughout our lives.. Whether from a friend, partner or family member. The latter, unlike the first two, are not chosen by us, so we may have to face a complex situation.

On the other hand, it is common that when a love relationship breaks up, and due to the intensity of the feelings characteristic of this type of relationship, a great resentment towards the other person appears. At least until we accept the breakup.

The difference between resentment and revenge

The resentment is a type of moral damage, for which we feel offended and want revenge. Emotions such as hatred, anger and the desire to make the other person pay for what he/she has done to us (or we believe he/she has done to us) arise.

But are grudge and revenge the same thing? We could say that resentment is the feeling that we have been hurt, but revenge is when we behave in a hostile way and want the other person to suffer the consequences of having hurt us. Resentment and revenge usually go hand in hand, although the latter does not always materialize.

Characteristics of spiteful people

But what characterizes a spiteful person? How can we recognize this type of individual? These are the 10 traits or attitudes that characterize spiteful people.

1. They neither forgive nor forget

Spiteful people usually say that they forgive... but they do not forget.. In reality, they neither forgive nor forget, because if they really forgave, they would forget. The fact of not forgiving means that what happened is still present and that is why they feel that way. The best way to forget something is to forgive. And forgiveness, although sometimes it is hard to see it, is necessary to maintain emotional balance.

Regarding this, you may be interested in our article: "Forgiveness: should I or should I not forgive someone who hurt me?"

2. They do not learn from the past

Spiteful people do not learn from the past and remain stuck in the events that have happened to them.. Instead of seeing bad experiences as opportunities to grow, they take everything personally, which makes it impossible for them to move forward.

3. They think they are never wrong

This type of individual think they are perfect and that they do not make mistakes.. They are not very tolerant and too rigid and when someone does not act as they want, they tend to be very hard on others. We all have the right to make mistakes, it is part of life.

4. Everything is black and white

These individuals move in extremes: either everything is black or everything is white.. In other words, there is no middle ground. Good-bad does not always explain what happens in interpersonal relationships, because many variables influence our behavior.

5. They are very proud

As they are uncompromising people, spiteful people are also proud. At the minimum they take it as something personal and they think that they are being stuck. This causes them to become defensive and try to appear strong. The truth is that being a proud individual does not have to be an indicator of being a mentally strong person, but it is a symptom of weakness.

To stop being a proud person you can read our article: "5 tips to stop being so proud".

6. They always want to be in control

Spiteful people are usually people who want to have everything under control. They do not feel comfortable dialoguing and do not accept that others have their opinion and a different taste. As mentioned above, they are uncompromising and everything must fit into their perception of a perfect world.

7. They are easily offended

And of course, when this does not happen, they are easily offended. Deep down, resentment is a way of not accepting things and, in fact, it may even mask one's own insecurities. Resentment is not good since it keeps the wound open for a long time. The best thing to do is to accept and move on.

8. They always want to be right

But insecurity is also is also linked to the desire to have everything under control and to always want to be right.. Insecure people fear the opinions of others and do not feel comfortable when they are put to the test by others. They always want to be right and when this does not happen they do not accept it.

9. Life is a drama for them

When we hold grudges in our hearts, life is not a pleasant place, because you are constantly reminded of what has been done to you and, instead of getting over it, you revel in it. People with grudges are often bitter towards more than one person and, therefore, turn their life into a drama..

10. They think they are better than others

As already mentioned, resentment can be understood as the non-acceptance of what happened and the feeling that we have been wronged. But it is still the perception of how we have been treated.. If we take the matter down, it will hardly affect us. However, if we believe we are better than others and think that only they do things wrong, we will give more value than it has to what happened.

Everyone can change

If you know someone spiteful or if you yourself have some of the traits described, don't worry. A change of attitude can make you see life in a different color and improve your personal relationships. If you see that you have more difficulties than expected to solve this attitude, you can always go to a psychotherapist who can help you.