Suffering, Guilt, Isolation and Death

Suffering, Guilt, Isolation and Death: tragic situations or meaningful possibilities?

Have you ever considered that life seems like a string of painful situations? How often do you hear someone say that Life is difficult and unfair, that only the strongest survive?

Well, surely they are not few; and perhaps, you can question some of them soon, reason why I share this reflection thought to be useful in such circumstances.

Tragic situations

The tragic circumstances in the life, as the lack of time, the suffering, or the death, are often a reason to flee when we try to face them and accept them, looking for multiple ways (increasingly more and more) to find meaning in life.We seek multiple ways (more and more disconcerting and radical) to avoid them.

However, sometimes it will not be possible to escape from them, because they are an inherent part of our humanity and we must respond to them and take a stand.

Viktor Frankl said that every age has its own psychopathology and its own psychotherapy, and today, it seems that psychopathologies reflect increasingly intense attempts to avoid being aware of our vulnerability.

The uncertainty of decision making, the precipice of the radical emptiness of our freedom and finitude... this dizzying discomfort is known as meaninglessness or existential emptiness.

And the fact is that, throughout our history as humanity, the most overwhelming and distressing existential questions are permeated by some of these tragedies or limit situations, which are not an invention of eminent philosophers, doctors or psychologists, but are evidence of our existential condition. are evidence of our existential condition.

In this section I will point out some of them, but I clarify that they are not the only ones; my purpose is to begin a reflection on a subject that, because it is disconcerting, can only be looked at in time, but its reflection can change the configuration of our Life in its totality. We focus then on: Suffering, Guilt, Isolation and of course Death.

1. Suffering

Let's start with suffering. It is considered as a specific capacity of the human being, because only the human being can consciously realize what motivates him to feel pain (pain is not only understood as a physical sensation).

Suffering permeates our consciousness from the various dimensions that constitute itFor example, from our physical dimension, with organic ailments or an inevitable illness, and from our psychic dimension, with the sensation and expression of intense emotions such as fear or sadness, but also from our spiritual dimension, where our conscience is confronted with dilemmas and tragic situations in life (for example, becoming aware of the inevitable death of our loved ones).

However, in addition to the expression of our anthropological constitution, there is also another important dimension of our human suffering; I am referring to the historical and social context: poverty, inequality, segregation, violence, among many others.

Suffering implies the acceptance of reality in the face of any of its expressions and limitations.. Curiously, it allows us to continue in a world that, in spite of the devastating experiences, makes possible a free attitude to face the circumstances, here appealing to the maximum freedom that characterizes us as human beings.

It seems that suffering can be a kind of reminder, not only of our vulnerability and finiteness, but also of the aptitudes and capacities that shape us, since in extreme situations of our existence we have the unavoidable but necessary invitation to dare to suffer for that which was valuable and significant; in short, "that which is worth suffering for".

As can be noted, the expression "sufferable" has two connotations: the valuable suffering and the unnecessary or unnecessary suffering.the valuable suffering and the unnecessary or neurotic one.. Neurotic suffering is that which lacks values and meaning of a "why" to feel it, is repetitive, compulsive and without a clear purpose.

On the other hand, valuable suffering is sustained by values. But I am not talking about moral or social values, but about personal values, that which is valuable to you (convictions that give meaning to your life, and clarify what makes your pain and suffering worthwhile). I know that the above sounds simple and even poetic, however, it is anything but pleasant to live it, but it is essential not to forget how necessary it is, not only for what motivates such suffering, but mainly because it has a purpose, a meaning, and it is the task of each of us to answer that question that seems to ask us before every challenge, a "why suffer".

Let us not forget that we are not only beings of knowledge, but we are also beings in pain and the integration in consciousness of these experiences is what allows us to know ourselves as human beings.

When suffering has a meaning, it requires our humanization, and only the expression of it honors those experiences, people, feelings and circumstances that were worth living; when something of them causes pain, allowing ourselves to feel it is honoring them with full awareness that their experience was important, and when these valuable experiences and bonds cease to be or to be, it is worth meaning them and valuing them despite the sometimes unbearable pain they may cause.

2. Guilt

On the other hand, guilt is also a characteristic of our humanity; it shows us as fallible, imperfect and incomplete beings.

As I explained at the beginning, human beings have the possibility to build and design our destiny based on our freedom and responsibility, through our so-called decisions. Guilt is the result of acting incongruently on the basis of our freedom, is a free and therefore inexcusable and unchangeable decision.The guilt is a free decision and therefore inexcusable and unchangeable.

Guilt is one more face of suffering, but it is caused by our own choices. It reminds us of our finiteness but also of how fallible our actions can be. In addition, it has the consequence of paying more attention to our past, disconnecting us from the here and now and of course from our project for the sake of an immediate future, exerting on the being who suffers from this limit situation destructive, unnecessary and cyclical actions that only increase the feeling of guilt.

3. Isolation

Curiously the guilt is self-destructive when it is not channeled and by avoiding to face it, it intensifies, leading the person to an existential isolation, separating him/herself from the world, since the vicious circle of guilt is rooted in a truth that is sometimes neither shared nor expressed.

However, guilt also enables our conscience, since it allows us to observe the capacity that human beings have to respond to life, allowing greater responsibility before our freedom in the world; this conscience can be obtained from repentance and making amends for the damage caused.

4. Death

Now, it is necessary to mention a third and perhaps the most tragic situation to which we are condemned, death. Related to it is the greatest question that life has thrown at human beings, and so far it is a personal task to provide an answer (or not) to this questioning of our existence.

Is death the permanent conclusion of our physical and psychic dimension as well as of the spiritual expression of the human being? To see it that way would be to say that we are beings designed to die; however, it seems to me that it is more likely, we are beings "in spite of death", because it is from the very possibility of knowing that we are mortal, that we take an attitude towards death.It is the ultimate expression of our conception of the world.

It is human and it is part of the ability to respond, to be able to choose how to live, but also the way in which the human being will mean his death and that of others, because from this point of view, each one will be responsible for discovering his own death.

This leads me to reflect on the importance of not forgetting to give our own meaning to our finitude in order to reveal our meaning in life. These are questions that go hand in hand with the answer we give them, because a life that lacks a direction towards a "where" we want to go and a "why" we must get there, only lacks meaning and its sandy support is only empty.

Death has an essential value for each and every one of us, because, if this relationship did not exist, if we were not beings in finitude, it would not be necessary to ask ourselves to answer the questions that life itself throws at us, if we were not beings in finitude, it would not be necessary to demand that we answer the questions that life itself throws at us, because we would have infinite time to answer them.because we would have infinite time to answer them. However, the fact that this is not the case is what allows life itself to provide us with meaningful answers.

The challenge of uncertainty

If all of the above does not seem tragic enough, I must clarify and remind you that all of the elements we have seen are impregnated with a tragedy that is much more closely related: uncertainty.

Although we know that all of us, at least once in our lives, will face each of the tragic situations of our existence (at least the ones mentioned here), it is impossible to know when, where, how, why and what for. The only thing we can be sure of is that we are getting closer and closer to its arrival.

If life is so overwhelming and tragic, Is there any solution or alternative that allows us to face this reality in a better way? I know that I have shared somber and hard aspects (more when they are all in the same analysis) about what motivates a person to face his circumstances; it seems important to me that we do not forget that life is also sometimes somber and painful, but in spite of that, it is worth living.

And such analysis on my part arises considering that, from my professional experience, many consultants do not arrive in search of professional psychological or psychiatric help motivated only by a problem to which they cannot find a solution, but also, many have arrived motivated by the intense anguish resulting from the awareness of their finitude, their pain, their vulnerability and mainly of the complexity of the unanswered questions to which they must respond.

This situation is complicated when the consultant confuses the tension and dilemma of their existence as a synonym of illness or discomfort.Sometimes, the symptomatology that usually accompanies this experience is confused with the clinical criteria of the so-called psychopathologies.

It is therefore essential to carry out an adequate and personalized analysis to identify what motivates these modes of expression, to clarify both the psychological manifestations (such as exacerbated emotions, abrupt changes in habits, anxiety, rigidity of thought, etc.) as well as the psychosomatic symptoms that manifest themselves through the body (for example, changes in sleep habits, tremors, joint pain, Gastrointestinal discomfort, or fatigue, among others); these are part of the indicators that are often confused with some type of disorder.

If the symptoms are the cause of such questioning and extreme situations that lead us to question our existence, they are not necessarily part of a psychopathic disorder, they are not necessarily part of a psychopathology.On the contrary, they can be the immediate and authentic expression of our conscience. However, it is important to attend and work on these manifestations because of how incapacitating they can be, and also to allow a deep, careful and safe confrontation of reality that enables an existential attitude that fosters the ability to respond, allowing an improvement in the quality of life of the person.

As a clinical psychologist and philosopher, I consider and prove that it is a privilege of our profession to try to look beyond what is visible to the eyes, to try to allow us with openness and humility to approach the most human experience of each and every one of our clients, and to achieve it. Their experiences fill us with vital meaning before our own decisions; in spite of the tragedy, they endow our existence with humanity. The privilege is to have the permission and trust of the person who suffers, allowing us to accompany and discover together the experience that such circumstances confer to his existence.

Are you willing to allow yourself to live the experience of analyzing your existence in spite of its tragic constants?