Teen flirting in the time of COVID

The coronavirus pandemic has forced millions of teenagers to adapt the way they flirt.

Adolescence is a time of change, a time of transition into adulthood.

Adolescents begin to see their bodies transform, their social norms shift, the expectations others have of them change, as do their desires and responsibilities.

The same happens with their sexuality. The development of secondary sexual characteristics begins at puberty, and with it, adult sexual identity, which includes sexual orientation, begins to take shape. That is to say, sexual desire, erotic desire in its adult version, emerges. It is then when certain stimuli, such as the aforementioned characters, take on an erotic character.

Thus, adolescents can begin to enjoy all phases of the human sexual response.The three stages of adolescence: desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

Flirting in adolescence

In this tidal wave of changes, the exploration of the world and the questioning of the hegemonic adultcentric vision become the axes of the search for one's own identity and the forging of a unique personality.. To navigate this rough sea, friends become the best possible comrades and fathers, mothers and other adults become rescue ships to turn to when the waves threaten the integrity of the hull.

In this new exploration of the world, they rehearse behaviors to test limits (normative, moral, physical, social, etc.). These are experiments to assess which paths to take. They are an approximation of what they consider they want to be as adults.For this purpose, they usually use the trial and error method, which consists of carrying out an action and checking the result a posteriori.

The search for new sensations on a sexual, corporal and socio-affective level leads them to enter into contact with their peers in spaces of intimacy in a format that is unfamiliar to them.

They find themselves in a space they have heard about, seen videos or read articles about, and above all a space of which they have created expectations that they try to fulfill. That is to say, they perform as they have learned by gathering information from various sources such as conversations with friends, sex education classes, family, the Internet, social networks or porn.

What does this intimate space look like as of March 2020?

We enter the space of intimacy in times of COVID, the cyber courtship or online flirting.. Especially in the beginning, it was restricted and confined to the virtual world.

In the last 20 years, the virtual world has been gaining ground in socializing and flirting. In the beginning, Internet chats, phone calls or instant messaging were used. Gradually, social networks emerged in which to share content about tastes and life experiences. These were (and are) also used to meet new people and flirt.

This was followed by others specialized in sexual exchange. The prominence of social networks has increased considerably due to the evolution of Smartphones, as they can be carried in the pocket of the user.The prominence of social networks has increased considerably due to the evolution of Smartphones, since they allow to carry in your pocket a tool with which to maintain social relationships, share content, meet new people and have virtual and physical sexual practices.

Well then, these virtual social networks have been the main scenario of social contact in the first months of the pandemic.. This has allowed teenagers to keep the flame of friendship, love and shared sex relationships burning. Which is great news because they are in the moment of experimenting with other people different ways of locating themselves in the world as mature sexed beings.

What if these technological networks had not existed during the pandemic?

Who knows what would have been the consequences of suddenly repressing this need for openness to others and to new experiences? It would probably have backfired, leading to psychological, social and emotional distress, disruptive or maladaptive behaviors with greater frequency and severity than those we are already beginning to observe in the clinic as a result of the pandemic.

In any case, cyberbullying is very much present in the lives of adolescentsespecially since March 2020. And what is this flirting like?

A large part of teenagers are present in generic social networks (not oriented to flirting) where they share content of all kinds. This content is usually in video and photo format and can be viewed by third parties. These networks allow interaction with other people's content and, on many occasions, commenting on it publicly or "liking" it serves to start a private messaging conversation within the application itself. These interactions are often used as signals of sexual interest by the protagonist of the content..

These virtual encounters allow them to get to know each other and exchange impressions before physically exposing themselves to an unknown person, which serves as a filter and personal preparation.

In these private communications there may be exchanges of messages or images of sexual content (sexting). In addition, the distance provided by the virtual world gives a sense of securityThe distance provided by the virtual world gives a sense of security, as opposed to the possible experience of vulnerability in physical contact. In these networks they can try out different virtual identities (most of them have more than one profile in the same App), put into play different strategies and seduction games and learn to regulate their affective-sexual world.

Another aspect to take into account is the type of content that is published and, frequently, erotic or suggestive activities, challenges, poses or movements are found to attract the attention of potential partners. This eroticization of content, often carried out by minors, can also be found in chats and streamings. (live broadcasting of a game) of video games. The scenes broadcasted may even be pseudo-pornographic.

Sometimes it happens that this content is not consciously eroticized by the protagonist, but occurs by imitation of other influential people who are successful on the network. This can expose the adolescent (especially girls) to abuse by those who do see it sexualized; even more serious is when the latter is an adult (grooming). In addition, there is a danger that the content will spread through the network, lasting over time and reaching a multitude of unknown people..

Despite these nuances, the content uploaded by teenagers is generally intentional. In fact, it is common to see how they get carried away by social desirability and present profiles, virtual identities, somewhat distant from reality or distorting it to show desirable characteristics and attract attention. In addition to these generic social networks, there are others specifically designed for flirting.

Some are even designed for minors. Thus, we can find some that allow access from the age of 12 and whose profiles favor the anonymity of the participants, with the dangers that this entails. Some of these specific networks can be linked to other more generic and widespread ones, so that the radius of action increases exponentially.

In short

Virtual applications and social networks are doing a great job in maintaining relationships between adolescents, as well as being a testing ground for affective-sexual relationships.They are also a testing ground for affective-sexual relationships. Although they also have a dark side, which involves a variety of risks that can affect their health. Therefore, we must encourage a responsible use and know their virtual environments well, in addition to showing confidence and availability to be at their side with the problems that may arise.

Author: Borja Luque, General Health Psychologist and Sexologist.