Teenagers at home: 7 educational and communicative keys for parents

What are the most frequent problems when living with a teenager?

Adolescence is a stage of discovery, of changes, of decision making, of awakening to the world through the eyes of a child who is gradually becoming a responsible adult.

It is a complex stage because the personality is still under constructionIt is a complex stage because the personality is still being built, and there are important changes in the school context.

Adolescence: a (hard) road ahead

In psychological consultations, complaints from parents are frequent. Irritable adolescents, who do not comply with the established norms, who begin to have friendships with other adolescents.who begin to have dangerous friendships and who have academic problems.

From a parent's point of view, adolescence is often described as a time of many fights, confrontations and disputes, to the point where the situation can become totally unbearable. What to do when living with teenagers at home? Is there a guide for parents in trouble?

• You are interested in reading: "Rebellious teenagers: 6 tips for parents in trouble".

Tips for a good coexistence with teenagers

Problems have solutions, and although adolescence is a complicated age, everything can be solved if the right educational seeds are sown.

Here are some tips, both at the we offer you some tips, both educational and communicative, that can help you to enjoy your children more.that can help you to enjoy your children's adolescence more.

1. Let them explore the world

Young people need to define many aspects of their lives: their personality, their friendships, their preferences... This is a normal thing, and it is a good idea to let them explore the world. it is necessary to understand that they can be inconsistent in their opinions and tastes.. In this way they are trying and deciding; it is the way in which they can finally make decisions.

Just as we adults need time to shop, in the same way an adolescent child seeks to make the best decision, but he is just beginning to do so, to discover himself, and therefore requires time to develop that skill. requires time to develop that skill..

2. Let's listen to them sincerely

We must teach (and encourage) teenagers to express their thoughts and feelings.. To do this, the most important thing is to listen to them without judging, criticizing or humiliating.

Young people do not usually talk to their parents precisely because they do not know how to listen and perceive them as a threat, as adults who only want to correct and punish them. But we must remember that when a young person comes to us to talk it is because they really need it, they need to be heard, and the worst thing we can do is to lecture them and judge them negatively. If we want our children to trust us, it is necessary that we offer them our sincere help when they need it, that they know that we are a faithful support. In any case, it is not convenient that we solve their problems: doing it by themselves will allow them to take responsibility and mature..

3. Let's accept their criteria and decisions

If their decisions are not going to harm them, let them choose.. This point is very difficult for many parents, because they are used to deciding for their children and obviously they always decide what they think is best for them.

This is the moment when they must make their own decisions, even if these decisions are contrary to our tastes or way of thinking. The most common examples: the way they dress, the music they listen to, their physical appearance, among others. These are aspects of their lives that we can try to influence with a left hand, but never impose our criteria on them..

4. Let them make mistakes: we also learn from mistakes.

As adults, we know that our adolescent children must experience the good and bad things in life, in pursuit of their learning and maturity development. We cannot lock our children in a glass bubble; we must let them grow up.. That is to say, we must let them think, reflect, act, and of course make mistakes, because mistakes allow them to mature. Phrases such as: "I told you so"... "Don't come crying to me, I warned you" and other similar ones cancel out the possibility of the child feeling that he/she has the right to make mistakes, how will he/she learn to make his/her own decisions without making mistakes?

We must keep in mind: we too are afraid of being parents and especially of making mistakes. We are sure that during our lives we have made many mistakes, these allowed us to mature and grow, and our relatives forgot the bad moments. Now, the adolescent can feel in his own flesh the fear of being an adult, but it comforts him to know that his parents love him, in spite of his mistakes. Let us support them, let us guide them, and when they make mistakes, let us teach them to assume the consequences..

5. Let's learn to apologize if we have made a mistake.

The best way to teach is by constant example. If as parents we make a mistake, the best thing to do is to apologize and rectify it, it is a sign of maturity.This is the most important sign of maturity that can be taught to a child.

It is precisely at this stage of adolescence that children begin to notice their parents' mistakes, which is why we adults tend to get irritated more easily, because our children now think, analyze, compare, decide and, consequently, get an idea or criticism of the environment, also of our abilities as parents. Unfortunately, many adults expect and demand that our children apologize when they commit a fault, but we, as adults, rarely do. We are afraid of appearing weak to them. However, apologizing is an act of maturity and courage, and it is not true that we are losing credibility or power in front of our children. On the contrary: we will be gaining their respect and admiration..

6. Do not hold them responsible for our failures.

Many parents, consciously or unconsciously, want to prevent their children from making the same mistakes that they made in the past, and even fear that they will be rebellious as they were when they were young..

We must overcome our fears and stop extrapolating our fears and longings onto them. Our children are building their own personality and their own path; we must be there to support and help them..

7. Let's be brave: help them to be what they want to be.

Having children is one of the most intense experiences we can have as human beings. Our role as parents is to make them authentic, independent and successful beings, autonomous people who know how to manage their own lives.autonomous people who know how to carve their own path to a full and happy life.

Of course, we should not try to make our teenagers copies of ourselves: Let's give them the tools they need to grow and let them choose their own path, both academically and in the workplace.Whether in academics, work, love... or any other aspect.

A few final thoughts

When limits and discipline are established from childhood, an environment of trust and respect is fostered, and autonomy and confidence are encouraged, the necessary conditions are provided for children to successfully advance to a new stage: adolescence. Although it is true that the arrival of this vital stage in children's lives generates a lot of fear among parents -sometimes more in parents than in the young people themselves-, the reality is that it is usually passed through without major difficulties..

Unfortunately, in many occasions it is during this stage when the adolescent makes evident a series of affective deficiencies that were not provided in childhood. As a consequence, parents tend to use "adolescence" as a smokescreen to avoid reflecting on or attending to all that we have been or attend to all that we have been letting pass by. Of course, it is in this area that parents "suffer", and therefore it is necessary to have some tools to know how to cope with the changes.

We hope these tips will be useful for you to enjoy the "awakening to the world" stage. The task is not easy, without a doubt, forming human beings is an undertaking only for the brave.It will require constantly reviewing our way of educating and correcting some aspects if necessary. The important thing is that we are still in time, we just have to put good will.