The 10 consequences of paternal abandonment

These are the ways in which paternal and maternal abandonment affects children.

Every child needs parents to grow up well. He or she may grow up in a family with a mother and a father, or there may be two fathers or two mothers. It can also happen that they have only one parent to take care of them. The important thing is the love and care that their adult caregivers give them.

Now, regardless of the type of family, the fact that one of the parents leaves the family nucleus or does not take care of their own children is something that will have a very negative impact on the mental health of the little ones.

In the following we will see the consequences of parental abandonment. we will see the consequences of paternal abandonment, understood as both the father's and the mother's, and what it can mean when a parent abandons his or her children.and what it can suppose when the infant arrives to the adult life.

Main consequences of parental abandonment

All children need the protection of their parents in order to fully develop. Although it is traditional to have a father and a mother, science has been able to demonstrate that being the child of a homosexual couple or being the child of a single mother or father does not harm the mental health of children. The myth that a male role model, represented by the father, and a female role model, represented by the mother, are needed as protective factors against psychopathology is increasingly outdated.

However, what does affect the mental health of the child is being born into a family with two parents, of either gender, and one of them, in the middle of the child's growth, leaves the family nucleus. It can also happen that the father or mother does not pay attention to his or her children, and that, although he or she is still in the family nucleus, his or her presence is rather virtual. It can happen that the father or mother is too tired from work, is not interested in taking care of the children and leaves the work to the other parent.

This lack of interest in the child, either because he or she is no longer part of the family or because he or she is too busy with other tasks, is paternal abandonment. We should not think that with the word paternal we refer only to "the father", but to any parent. As they are figures of protection and attachment, if parents neglect the child who trusted to be cared for by them, they cause him/her a very serious psychological damagewhich can condition their growth and adult life.

The family environment and its stability play a fundamental role in the emotional development of the child, as well as facilitating his psychic maturation. In the first years of life, the infant needs routine in terms of parental relationships.. If the child was born into a family with two parents, it will be very disruptive for the child to see how one of them is moving away, either abruptly or little by little. The effects of the first contacts with mom or dad are very strong in the child's mind, so the disappearance of one of these figures can be really harmful.

Having understood all this, we can understand what are the main consequences of parental abandonment in childhood.

1. Not feeling loved

It is very common among children who have suffered parental abandonment not to feel loved.. If the abandonment has been because mom or dad is almost never at home, the child may interpret this as not being at home because he or she is not interested in spending time with the child. This makes them feel that they are not enough for their own parents, and that they are not worth it.

Another situation that may occur is that the parent has left the nuclear family as a result of a divorce process. If the child does not understand the situation well or what has happened has not been explained to him or her at his or her level, he or she may interpret it as his or her parent leaving because he or she did not want to see him or her anymore.

It may happen that, in the case of a separation or divorce, the parent who has taken custody has a new partner. Always depending on the relationship that this new person has with the child, it can serve as a protective factor, since this new parent can replace in a very beneficial way the figure of the parent who has left. Likewise, the departure of a parent is a very difficult void to fill.

2. Excessive dependency

In two-parent families, when one parent leaves the family unit, the remaining parent is the sole caregiver of the child. The child, seeing that only that parent is left, becomes overly attached to him or her, becomes excessively attached to him or her, developing a relationship of excessive dependency..

It is normal to expect that during the first weeks after a separation from the parents, the child takes refuge in the figure of the parent who has stayed behind. The problem is when, after a while, he does not detach himself from him, and does not dare to discover the world beyond the protection provided by mom or dad.

This will affect his social development, since he will not interact as much with his schoolmates or neighbors. He will be afraid that if he is separated for an instant from his parent, the parent will do the same as the other parent did. Thus, the child will miss out on experiences that are so important to him or her, the child will miss out on enriching childhood experiences such as playing with other children, going such as playing with other children, going camping, hiking, having extracurricular activities...

3. Fear of developing a deep attachment

It may happen that after the abandonment the child is afraid to establish deep relationships, especially with the new partner of the parent who is now taking care of him/her. This is because fears that the same thing may happen to the child as happened to the parent who abandoned themIf he/she establishes a deep attachment with him/her and then he/she leaves too, the child will be very damaged.

4. School instability

Although this does not always have to happen, it has been seen that children who have experienced parental abandonment, whether the parent has left the family nucleus or simply disengaged from it, have poorer academic performance.

It is often the case that the parent who does spend time with them is too overwhelmed to help them with homework or any academic problems they may have, while the other parent is simply not there to help them.The other parent is simply not paying attention to what is going on at school.

5. Aggressive behavior

Parental neglect can cause the child to behave in a very hostile manner. This may be because he is angry with what he has had to live with, frustrated by his father's departure, or because he becomes defensive thinking that his other parent will do the same thing to him sooner or later. Also He may take it out on his parent's new partner, seeing him as a substitute and thinking that he is the reason he is not returning..

But the most common cause of such aggressive behavior is that he thinks it is his fault. He feels very angry with himself because he thinks he or she did something wrong, which precipitated his or her parent's abandonment. As he/she does not have the linguistic capacity to explain it nor to ask his/her other parent what really happened, the situation overwhelms him/her and he/she ends up taking it out on anyone or in the form of tantrums.

Consequences in adulthood

Although in the first years after the departure of the parent there are many consequences, in adulthood the consequences can be worse if the child has not received psychological therapy or has not understood why the parent abandoned him or her.

1. Emotional intelligence problems

They have problems identifying their emotions and those of others.. They are easily stressed and do not know how to explain what they feel. They have problems understanding what others feel, and their emotional self-regulation is poor or non-existent.

2. Little psychological flexibility

They do not cope well with changes, such as changing jobs, housing, cities... They are behaviorally inflexible, seeing changes in their routine as something really unapproachable.. This causes them much suffering and anxiety.

3. Increased risk of addictions

Although this does not always have to be the case, it has been seen that people who have experienced strong parental abandonment take refuge in addictive behaviors. Whether by ingesting drugs such as alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs, or through obsessive behaviors such as addiction to sex, pornography or video games, all these types of psychological problems are common in people who are victims of this type of abandonment.

4. Passivity in relationships

For fear that their friends, relatives or people of importance will also abandon them, victims of parental abandonment in childhood can become excessively complacent, to a pathological point. They may even allow really toxic behaviorsThey may even allow really toxic behaviors that hurt them, but for fear of living again the departure of someone they love, they even tolerate mistreatment and disrespect.

5. Increased psychopathological risk

Parental abandonment in childhood, if not adequately intervened, can be a risk factor for the child's mental health as an adult, may be a risk factor for the child's mental health as an adult.. Mood disorders such as depression, anxiety disorders or even personality disorders are psychopathological conditions that can occur in this type of population.

This is why it is so important for the parent who has custody of the child or spends a lot of time with the child to ensure that the child receives proper psychological care. Thus, thanks to therapy, the child will learn strategies to know how to handle everything he or she is going through, and to avoid that once he or she is an adult he or she will manifest even more serious consequences than those that can be experienced in the short term.

Final reflection

It is clear that parental abandonment in childhood has serious consequences for the child's health if the situation is not properly managed. Although each family is different and may have effective strategies to prevent the child from suffering the consequences after a divorce, breakup or disinterest of the father, it is very important to attend psychological therapy to ensure that the consequences explained throughout this article do not occur. throughout this article do not occur.

Likewise, it is important to understand that just because a parent is missing, all the problems we have explained do not necessarily occur. Science has shown that two parents are not necessary to be able to develop fully, although the fact that one parent disappears when the child is growing up can hurt him/her. Likewise, it is important to understand that abandonment can occur without the parent having left the family nucleus, so it is essential that, if there is still time, we spend more time with our children.

Bibliographical references:

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• Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional intelligence: A new vision for educators. PsycEXTRA Dataset.
• Eisenberger, N. I.; y Lieberman, Matthew D. (2004-7). Why rejection hurts: a common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences 8 (7): 294-300.
• Rosenthal, M.Z., Gratz, K.L., Kosson, D.S., Cheavens, J.S., Lejuez, C.W., y Lynch, T.R. (2008). Borderline personality disorder and emotional responding: A review of the research literature. Clinical Psychology Review, 28(1), 75-91. doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2007.04.001.
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