The 10 signs to identify and neutralize a toxic person
Toxic people can get on our nerves, so we must learn to unmask them.
In other articles we have addressed the reality of toxic people, those individuals who, although they usually have no bad intentions, manage to bring out the worst version of those around them.
Now then... what are the signs that help us recognize toxic behaviors or toxic people? Let's see it below.
What characterizes toxic people?
I am not a great believer as a psychologist in labeling people, and even less so when these labels are negative. In fact, it seems that the concept of "toxic person" has appeared in certain types of literature as a way of cataloging the personality of certain individuals, and it is rarely explained that character and habits can be changed.
Therefore, a person can cause discomfort to those close to him or her under certain circumstances, but never fall into the trap of thinking that toxic people cannot change.. We can all change, absolutely everyone. Even someone may consider you a toxic person, so we must relativize this label and give it a new meaning, to help us escape from situations that make us suffer, but not as a way to despise or stigmatize someone.
Toxic personality: sometimes it pays to walk away
Who hasn't had a cynical boss, an obnoxious co-worker or a brother-in-law who keeps telling us what to do? Dealing with toxic people can be unavoidable in certain contexts.. But what we can control is how we deal with their behavior.
If we do not act with the proper precautions, negative people will can influence us and make us feel bad.. In addition, it is possible that we accumulate tension and stress by having to live with them. More than enough reasons to try to get rid of this psychological burden.
Here I propose nine signs that should alert you that a toxic person is consuming you. The time has come to put black on white, because no one has the right to make you feel bad.
1. You talk a lot about the toxic person
If you notice that you are constantly complaining to your co-workers about how manipulative your boss is, or complaining to your partner about how bad your mother-in-law makes you feel at family gatherings, you should know that this attitude is going to drain you mentally, and that you are going to be mentally exhausted.mentally exhaust you, and of course it is not going to help improve the situation..
Talking about the toxic person over and over again will only deplete your self-esteem and make him/her more important than he/she really is. You are not going to solve anything by going round in circles, and you may start to become annoying for those who have to listen to your constant moaning.
2. It makes you lose your temper
If your day-to-day life is being affected by an expert manipulator or by people who criticize you behind your back, you should know that toxic individuals can affect your emotional balance.. You should be careful, because it is easy for them to cause frustration and even anger. If this happens, it is time to take action and solve the problem.
3. Your self-esteem suffers
Toxic people are often rude, impolite and can be very offensive and annoying. At times, their demeaning treatment of you can make you feel bad, but remember that your value as a person should never be subordinated to opinions (much less insults). (much less the insults and put-downs) of someone other than yourself.
4. You blame them for your behavior or attitude.
If a toxic person manages to make you jump through their hoops and manipulate you, You may constantly blame that person for the decisions you make and for everything bad that happens to you.. If you believe that the toxic person is to blame for everything, reconsider the situation. Maybe you are only blaming him/her to avoid your responsibility. It's your life, and if there is someone who has so much power over you, it is best that you try to walk away and start accepting the responsibility you have over your own destiny.
5. You fear having the toxic person around.
If you dread the thought of having to spend time with that person, there is no doubt that, at least for you, that individual is toxic and has the power over you, that individual is toxic and has the ability to create strong discomfort for you.. If just by anticipating that you are going to have to meet that toxic partner in a meeting you already start to have negative feelings, it is an unmistakable sign that something has to change in your life.
6. You stoop to their level
When someone constantly gets on your nerves, you may be tempted to jump in and start confronting them, you may be tempted to jump in and start confronting him or her.. This will cause you to start engaging in reactive attitudes and behaviors that are probably not in line with your personal values. Falling into the toxic person's game may be unavoidable if it takes us to an extreme, but it is not the way to resolve the situation. In fact, it is likely to only make things worse and make you more desperate.
7. It prevents you from being relaxed and comfortable
When we are besieged by people who manipulate us or use devious strategies to demotivate us, there may come a point where we feel in a state of constant tension and worry. Y when we are uneasy, it is easier for things to go wrong for us.. If you do not manage to keep a cool head and relativize the situation, the toxic person will eat away at you. Therefore, it is important to distance yourself emotionally from the source of toxicity.
8. You react with dysfunctional coping mechanisms.
When we live in a permanent state of stress, we may react negatively. For example, to mitigate the uneasiness we feel, we may indulge in unhealthy "treats" such as having a glass of alcohol from time to time or overeating. This is an unhealthy way to cope with the feeling of anxiety, and it leads to a vicious cycle. leads to a vicious circle from which it will be very difficult to get out..
9. It also affects your partner emotionally
Maybe the toxic person is something like an authority figure (a boss, a teacher, your father or mother...) that you cannot question. If it is the case that he or she humiliates you and your level of emotional burnout increases, you can make the mistake of shifting the focus of your discomfort to your partner, children or family members.. Bad moods are contagious, and if you let the toxic person contaminate you, you may become a toxic person for those closest to you and make people suffer who are not to blame.
10. Seek confrontation
Many people have as an incentive to socialize precisely to seek confrontation to have the opportunity to show their superiority to the person subjected to their attacks. In these cases, obviously, we can say that we are dealing with a toxic person, so there is no reason to continue prolonging these social interactions.
Manage the presence of toxic people in your life
If toxic people are bringing out the worst version of you, it is going to be necessary for you to consider some kind of change in your life..
This may involve a simple change of mindset: not playing along with their manipulative games or ignoring their presence, for example. In other cases, the best decision may be to get away from this source of negativity and moodiness before it ends up seriously affecting you.
References:
- Skeem, Jennifer L.; Polaschek, Devon L. L.; Patrick, Christopher J.; Lilienfeld, Scott O. (2011). Psychopathic Personality. Psychological Science in the Public Interest. 12(3): pp. 95 - 162.
- Trnka, R.; Balcar, K.; Kuška, M.; Hnilica, K. (2012). Neuroticism and Valence of Negative Emotional Concepts. Social Behavior and Personality: An International Journal. 40(5): pp. 843 - 844.
(Updated at Apr 12 / 2024)