The 4 relationship styles, according to Johari’s Window

A theory that explains how we tend to approach our interpersonal relationships.

One difficulty in interpersonal relationships is the different impressions that each one makes of the other. So much so that, often lead to conflict, as we may be treated differently from the way we feel about each other.. However, others can be an ease, since we can discover, thanks to the other, parts of our personality and character that we were unaware of.

Types of relationships according to the Johari Window

A simple and straightforward explanatory model of how the known and unknown parts of oneself are mediated is the Johari Windowproposed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham. It distinguishes on a horizontal axis the "I", one's own person; while on the vertical axis "the other" or "the others".

This is how the following are formed 4 quadrants that distinguish four areas of self-awareness in your relationships:

• Free areais the quadrant of that which is known to oneself and to others.. This quadrant includes everything that is communicated verbally and that becomes a mutual knowledge of people. It indicates the degree to which we make ourselves known to the world, open up and make known our experiences, thoughts, intentions and emotions.

• Hidden areaThe hidden area comes from that which is known to oneself, but not to others. This includes all the information that the person keeps to him/herself and does not expose; that which is hidden from the eyes of others. This quadrant includes those personality traits that one is more reluctant to show or that one keeps to oneself.

• Blind areaIn this quadrant stand out those traits that we do not know about ourselves. those traits that we do not know about ourselvesbut they do know the others. At times we have been amazed and discovered parts of who we are thanks to what others have told us. This is when the blind area comes to light; since we cannot control everything we do, there is always something about us that is hidden in it and that we can only discover from the outside.

• Unknown areaThe unknown area: in the unknown area includes everything that we do not know about ourselves and that others do not know about us.. It can be seen as the area that both sides overlook; however, at the same time it can be the area of growth and potential. Here lies the capacity to learn and grow, to learn new things about oneself and to discover them.

Explaining the picture

These four quadrants are dynamic, so they increase and decrease according to our life moment. increase and decrease according to our vital moment, the type of relationship we are in or the environment we are in.. But at the same time they are dependent, that is, a change in one of the areas has as a consequence that the others are mobilized. Thus, by making part of who we are known, we are reducing the hidden area and increasing the free area. This fact also implies that we have different paths to reach the same end, for example, the free area also expands as the other person lets us know how he/she sees us, reducing the blind area.

The 16 different types of interpersonal relationships

Likewise, this model focuses on relationships with other people, in that knowledge of oneself is not only achieved by introspection, but also by information from the outside. In the same way, also in relating to each other, the other person has his or her own model of his or her Johari window. In this way, a total of 16 different types of relationships are possible.. For the sake of brevity, only some of them will be mentioned here.

Free area relationships

In both persons the free area predominates. In this way, the relationship is characterized by clear and precise communication, since there are no hidden sides and there is the necessary knowledge to be understood and comprehended. They are relationships in which empathy and acceptance are favored, which allow understanding the congruence that regulates how the other person does, thinks and feels.. They are people between whom communication flows and who are sincere with each other. The key word in free-area relationships is understanding.

The other person becomes a companion, someone who understands your needs, and you understand theirs; a person who knows what looks and gestures mean and that, despite the differences, knowing them makes you attuned to each other. However, on the downside, there are no reservations and you can feel vulnerable. With a large free area, beware of anger and rage, because sometimes we function impulsively and if the free area is large, you know well where to hurt. In the same way, against clarity, mystery is lost; by making everything so clear, there are not many questions to be asked of the other and the interaction can be anodyne. Well, with so much understanding, one knows well how to ask for forgiveness; or how to offer spontaneity, but the question in these cases is, is there really intention?

Hidden area relationships

In this case the largest quadrant is the hidden area, therefore, one hardly knows the other. These are relationships that prioritize security, staying safe and moving forward little by little so as not to be harmed.. They could be characterized as relationships of great respect for intimacy, insofar as maintaining one's own hidden area implies paying special attention to the limits and boundaries where one's own and the other's begins. Therefore, the focus of the relationship is how to receive, and the key word for this type of relationship would be care.

However, they are relationships with fear as the main emotion, in which the fear of being hurt or judgment may predominate. This can make it difficult to take steps and progress slowly for all the way to go. There is also fear before the conflict, so that the most probable thing is that one tends to keep things quiet, until one day it explodes, of course. Likewise, if there is a greater tendency to hide than to discover the other, communication may be tangential, not clear at all, so that people never get to meet.

Blind area relationships

These are relationships in which people have a greater incidence in their blind area. Unlike hidden-area relationships, every day is a discovery, each day is a discovery, but of how one is as a person.. They are relationships based on giving, characterized by being very sociable; we could say extroverted and impetuous. The main axis is communication, specifically in expressing how the other person is perceived; interpersonal explorers.

Therefore, they are a source of personal learning that promote greater self-knowledge, in which you see yourself in the eyes of the other. This is how their key word is to grow. But beware, sometimes they do not grow for the better. On the other hand, prejudices are likely to appear and, in discussions, you may label the other person as what he or she is not and, what is worse, make him or her believe it. Also, impetuosity leads more easily to conflict, as we are not always in agreement about how we are told we are; and focusing on giving can also be for the worse at such times.

Blind-hidden area relationships

These are stimulating relationships, since for the blind-area explorer, you find a whole huge hidden area to bring out in the other person.. It is a challenge to uncover it and a mystery to know how the other person understands the world. Likewise, for the careful concealer, there is also another challenge, to continue to keep himself or herself safe, to not be discovered. These are relationships that motivate in the form of a game: discovering and hiding. Seen as a game, they are characterized by many ups and downs and surprises because they do not have a stable rhythm; today the dice roll a 1, tomorrow a 6, the next time I go back to the first square! Because of this, your key word is intensity.

On the other hand, beware that the expectations that are created may not be fulfilled and moreover, if you dig too much in the other, you can produce rejection. They are relationships that can have a tendency to toxicity because of dependence and counter-dependence; one because of obsession with unraveling secrets and the other because of the comfort of having a person constantly on his side. There may then be mismatches in the rhythm of each of the relationship; while the blind one takes steps without looking, the hidden one watches each one. Also, their instability could turn them into fragile relationships, which can easily damage and hurt each other.

Some nuances and questions in the air

You may miss the relationships of strangers, but in such cases, how can one speak of a relationship? After all, it is the beginning of all, meeting a person and not knowing what he or she is like, as well as not knowing what you will be like when you relate to him or her. Because if the Johari Window is dynamic, so are all the typologies that derive from it. After being strangers, who knows if we will be motivated to get to know the other and we will be blind; or we will have cracks from past experiences and prefer to remain hidden.. 

Who knows if after sheltering we gain enough confidence and move on to discovering the other, letting in the light and blinding ourselves. Who knows if in our exploration of the mysteries we get hurt and we hide, we take shelter. But if you do not know the way, if you know the end, a free area in which you simply are, in which it simply is, because as its name says, free.

Bibliographical references:

• Fritzen, J. (1987). La ventana de Johari: ejercicios de dinámica de grupo, de relaciones humanas y de sensibilización. Editorial SAL TERRAE.