The 5 characteristics of empathy, explained

The characteristics of empathy lead us to connect emotionally with others.

Empathy is an exceptional capacity, very important for our social coexistence. It is the power that people have to be able to tune in to the emotions and intentions of others.

But it is not only knowing what others feel. It is also to understand why they feel that way, to respect their way of feeling and thinking, to put ourselves in their place and, based on that, to find out how to make them feel better.

In the following, we will take a closer look at the characteristics of empathy.We will also reflect on what is useful empathy as opposed to that which is projected.

The main characteristics of empathy

Many people think that defining empathy is a simple task but, ironically, they are often the least empathetic. The idea that empathy is the act of putting oneself in the shoes of others or understanding how they feel is not wrong, but it is too simplistic. There is much more to the word empathy, much more effort and willingness to help than simply identifying the emotions of others.

If empathy were only knowing how to identify emotions in others, we would all have it equally developed, which is certainly not the case. We have often heard that an acquaintance of ours is very selfish, that he or she hardly thinks about others or that he or she does not care if someone feels bad. This is proof that not all of us are empathetic, that there are people who find it very difficult to be empathetic. there are people who find it very difficult to put themselves in the same situation as someone who is suffering, or to understand their actions and emotions..

Leaving aside antisocial personality disorder, which is psychopathology, whether a person manifests greater or lesser empathy depends on both genetic predisposition and environmental factors. Being empathic is like with practically everything else, there are personality differences that are mediated by the educational style of the parents, the experience of stressful events, genes, greater or lesser cordiality, and the environment.The personality differences are mediated by the educational style of the parents, the experience of stressful events, genes, greater or lesser cordiality and even the cultural level...

This is clearly visible in the current times, as the pandemic has forced essential professionals such as health care workers, supermarket cashiers and security forces to continue working.

Many of these professionals have faced two very different situations. Some doctors have come home after a long and exhausting day to find puddles of bleach, signs asking them to leave or accusations that they are contagious at their front door. Others, fortunately, in an act of enormous empathy on the part of their neighbors, do their shopping for them or help them with whatever they need.

Considering these two examples, we can understand that the neighbors in the first case lack a great deal of empathy. They are not necessarily psychopaths, but they certainly have not been able to put themselves in the place of their sanitary neighbor, who has spent a long day helping people in need.

It is for this reason that it is very necessary to understand exactly what empathy is so that we can, to the extent that we can, practice it, test it. In most cases, we can try to be better people and improve the way we relate to others. and improve the way we relate to others.

1. Active listening

Active listening is understood as the act beyond the simple act of listening. That is, as a fundamental characteristic of empathy, we say that we are actively listening when we pay attention to what another person is telling us, keeping the thread of the conversation.

Empathic people are usually willing to listen and give a good conversation with their interlocutor.. In addition to hearing everything they have to say, we are active in the conversation, taking care of verbal and nonverbal language, especially gestures and tone of voice.

We show developed empathy when we allow someone, whether they are upset or in a good mood, to express themselves, to talk about how they feel. Revealing the inner world sometimes costs a lot, and the last thing someone in a bad mood needs is to feel like they are talking to a wall.

2. Active understanding

But, in addition to active listening, a fundamental characteristic of empathy is active understanding. It is about making an effort to understand others, beyond what they are explicitly telling us. It is to understand, in a deep way, what they think, what they believe, what they feel and what concerns them.

In addition to identifying the emotions of the interlocutor, one must understand their position, why they feel this way, what has made them feel this way.. To understand what emotional meaning he attributes to each thing that happens to him and, thus, to see to what extent we can help him is an empathic act.

3. Identifying with the other

Identifying with the other goes hand in hand with active understanding, although they are not exactly the same thing. Identifying with someone, in addition to knowing what emotion they are feeling, implies putting ourselves in their shoes and making the effort to think about how we ourselves would act in their situation.

4. Solidarity

Solidarity is empathy materialized. That is, it is the turning our very human capacity to feel how and why others feel that way into something productive, to improve their emotional state.to improve their emotional state.

Listening and understanding others are acts that are already beneficial in themselves, since we show that they are not alone, that there is someone who knows what they are going through, that someone has tuned in to their pain.

However, the action of helping beyond that, that is, that is, setting ourselves in motion to find a solution or to improve how they feel is true solidarity, fundamental to empathy.

This can be done through helpful advice or gestures that cost nothing to do and mean a lot, such as kisses, caresses, hugs... You can always do something to make others feel better, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem.

5. Respect

Finally, a defining characteristic of empathy, as important as understanding and solidarity, is respect. Respecting other people's way of seeing the world, as long as it does not imply intolerance or harm, is fundamental to be able to say that we are truly empathetic people. to be able to say that we are truly empathetic people.

In addition to this, there is respect for what that person may feel. It is possible that we, being in the same situation as them, do not feel as bad as they do. That is why we should not fall into prejudices and unhelpful phrases such as "it's not that bad", "you are an exaggerator", "oh, please, you are so dramatic...". Everyone is the way he/she is, and we must respect him/her. If we are not really going to help him/her, why talk?

Differences between useful empathy and projected empathy.

After seeing all the characteristics of empathy, we can understand the differences between useful empathy and projected empathy.

By useful empathy, we mean empathy that actually contributes to making others feel good.. That is, the act of actively listening and understanding what motives and mindset have made a person feel the way they feel. In addition, once we understand their situation, we try to help them by finding ways, however simple and basic, to make them feel better, to get them out of the pit.

As we have already said, empathy, understood as the simple act of identifying emotions, is not enough. Being empathetic implies directing that very human capacity to tune in to the feelings of others and give them a useful purpose, to benefit others. In short, to be supportive.

Projected empathy, as opposed to useful empathy, is to expose our own emotionality to another person.. To make it clear, let's imagine that our friend in class has just failed an exam and is sad. We, instead of supporting him, start telling him that "you should have studied more", "it is normal that you feel this way, if it is your fault for not having made an effort", "you have disappointed me... I thought you were going to pass this time" and similar phrases.

We project our indignation that she failed, instead of trying to understand how she feels and think about what went wrong so that she didn't study hard enough. He may have had such a bad family situation that he was unable to concentrate, for example.

Human beings are very fortunate to have such an adaptive and beneficial ability as empathy. Being able to tune into the feelings of others is like having a superpower, it is like being able to read other people's minds. Instead of letting it atrophy, let's put it into practice! Let us be more sympathetic to others, especially now we need to be more empathetic than ever.

Bibliographical references:

• Moya, L. (2013) Empathy, understanding it to understand others. A Coruña: Plataforma Actual
• de Waal, F. (2009) The Age of Empathy: Nature's Lessons for a Kinder Society New York: Three Rivers Press.