The 6 characteristics of couples that last

These are the main characteristics of the most stable relationships.

The concept of "couple relationship" is easy to learn, but not in all cases it is easy to apply.

In theory, it is an affective and relational bond based on mutual commitment and the establishment of plans for the future together; however, these plans do not always end up materializing completely. This is what explains, for example, why in Western countries between one third and one half of marriages end in divorce, and why the majority of relationships generally end in breakup.

There are many variables that help to understand what makes some relationships work in the long run and others fail to thrive.. Here we will see which are the most important, focusing on the characteristics of relationships that tend to last indefinitely.

Main characteristics of couples that last

These are the psychological and communicative elements that are generally present in stable couples that last longer.

1. There is an uninterrupted cohabitation

Generally, relationships in which the couple has already "learned" to live with the other person for several months at a time, sharing a good part of the hours of the day, prosper much more than those in which both people barely coincide, either because of different work schedules or because they are in a long-distance relationship.

This is due to several reasons, among which are the possibility of having moments of close intimate contact (whether sexual or not), the fluidity of communication and the fact of having a "synchronized" lifestyle that makes it easy to set goals together. Moreover, in these "healthy" couple relationships one is able to enjoy each other's presence through frequent moments spent together. These stimulating and pleasurable experiences are a source of incentives to keep the relationship working..

2. They are not based on the fear of loneliness.

Couple relationships that have been initiated because at least one of the people involved is afraid of "being alone" are unlikely to work in the long run. This is because the reason why that person continues to be with the other person is due to an individualistic way of thinking.There are no clear power asymmetries, from which it is very difficult to create a genuine commitment.

3. There are no clear power asymmetries.

When one of the partners has all the decision-making power in the vast majority of areas of life that affect the relationship, it is likely that the love bond will not last long. The reason is that many problems can arise from such situations that are very damaging to the relationshipThe reason for this is that many very harmful problems can arise from such a situation: the appearance of arguments due to frustration, the appearance of co-dependent roles and domination of the other, communication problems, etc.

4. There is interest in satisfying the other sexually

Not all couples need to have a very intense sex life (it is perfectly normal not to have a high level of libido), but in order for them to work, there must be a constant flow of communication and a constant interest in satisfying each other sexually. there must be a constant flow of communication and interest in knowing what the other person wants.and what he/she likes, without taking anything for granted and without creating taboo subjects. Of course, this should be done by both parties at the same time, so that a balance is found between the interests of both parties.

5. Establishing boundaries in each other's spaces

Although it may seem paradoxical, relationships that do not totally absorb both people work much better than those that do. In the long run, a marriage or courtship should offer each individual his or her own spaces and moments in which to devote to oneself, and even the ability to have his or her own spaces.and even the ability to have their own secrets: not all information needs to be shared, especially if its content does not affect the other person.

6. Clear joint goals

Another aspect of long-lasting relationships has to do with having well-defined, long-term shared goals. This means going beyond abstract ideas such as "being happy together". and be specific about the kind of life you want to have for years to come. This avoids disappointments, misunderstandings and unpleasant surprises.

Are you looking for psychological assistance services for couples?

If you are interested in starting a couple therapy process, please contact us. At Psicoconsulting we work offering the tools to learn to communicate, to manage emotions and to handle conflicts in a constructive way in the context of a loving relationship, both in sessions in which both members of the couple are present, as well as in individual psychotherapy sessions. In addition, we work attending in person at our center in Barcelona but also online via video call.

Bibliographical references:

• Acker, M.; Davis, M. (1992). Intimacy, passion, and commitment in adult romantic relationships: a test of the triangular theory of love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 9(1): pp. 21 - 50.
• Beck, J.G.; Bozman, A.W.; Qualtrough, T. (1991). The Experience of Sexual Desire: Psychological Correlates in a College Sample. The Journal of Sex Research, 28(3): pp. 443 - 456.
• Biscotti, O. (2006). Terapia de Pareja: una mirada sistémica. 1a. ed. Buenos Aires: Lumen.
• Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2): pp. 225 - 235.
• Fisher, H. (2004). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Nueva York: Henry Holt.