The 6 main self-esteem problems common in childhood

These are the self-esteem problems most likely to affect children.

Childhood is not only the stage in which we learn most quickly about how the world works; it is also in this first phase of life that our self-concept is first shaped, i.e., the whole set of knowledge and beliefs about "Self" and all that it implies: who we are, what we like, what we are capable of, etc.

However, this is not a process of pure extraction of objective knowledge. Along with those ideas that we internalize about who we are as individuals, we also associate a whole series of emotions and feelings to all the facets of our "I"; that is, everything we know or think we know about ourselves has a strong emotional charge that affects us whether we want it to or not. And in childhood, it is relatively easy for us to find it difficult to manage these emotions or to build an erroneous and dysfunctional self-concept about our identity.

That is why many of the children who come to psychotherapy present, in one way or another, self-esteem problems. This is a phenomenon that, if not addressed in time, can lead to a difficult adulthood; since much of what we do on a daily basis depends on the idea we have about ourselves, if this fails, a good part of our behavior patterns will surely fail. Here we will see a summary of the most common types of self-esteem problems in childhood, as well as some tips on what to do about them.as well as some advice on what to do.

The most characteristic self-esteem problems in childhood.

The way children think, feel and behave is governed by their own rules, and this makes it difficult for many parents to fully understand the kinds of psychological problems that can occur in children. Here you will find a summary of those that have to do with self-esteem.

1. Complexes about nicknames and labeling

Many children receive "labels" from others that they do not feel comfortable with. For example, "the clueless one", "the bossy one", etc. In fact, not infrequently it is adults or even family members who use these labels.. It is important to avoid them so that the little ones do not believe that these adjectives limit the range of behaviors and abilities they can expect of themselves.

2. Gender role self-acceptance conflicts

Unfortunately, self-acceptance problems and insecurities stemming from not fully conforming to gender roles continue to be a reality for people of all ages. in people of all ages; this means, for example, that some boys may develop low self-esteem as a result of relating primarily to girls, or that some girls may be socially "punished" for speaking confidently and not fearing leadership positions.

In situations like this, they should be made aware that while this kind of social pressure to conform to certain attitudes and tasks exists, it is not what one should aspire to, and that the problem is not in oneself but in the prejudices of some of the people around them.

3. Jealousy between siblings

The simple fact of having a little brother or sister does not imply that rivalry should appear. or self-esteem problems arising from comparison with the other; however, it is true that it is not uncommon for this to happen.

This can happen, for example, because they do not accept or understand very well that the younger child receives more attention from the older one (especially in the first months of life), or because they see that the older brother or sister can do things that they are not allowed to do.

In cases like this, it is important to dedicate at least one talk specifically designed to make him or her understand that that these kinds of experiences do not reflect one's own worth, but only stem fromThey are derived solely from the stage of growth and protection that each child needs, and not so much from personal merits. It is also good for them to know that at their age a difference of only a few months can be very significant, while in adulthood it is not.

4. Low self-esteem due to feelings of loneliness

Some children have difficulty making friends, and the loneliness that results makes them think they have little worth.

In cases like this, we must help them understand that having difficulty in a particular area of their life (engaging in conversations with other children they do not know well, for example) does not sum up their identity, and that behind a very specific type of problem, it is possible to find a whole series of situations and experiences in which one can function well. This will serve as a form of motivation for them to confront their insecurities and gradually polish their social skills.

Of course, it is advisable not to let them face this, it is advisable not to let them face this without help.If necessary, seek psychotherapeutic help so that the child learns to manage the anxiety arising from social interactions and to improve his or her communication skills.

5. Problems due to lack of external validation

Even in children who relate regularly and closely with other children of their age, it may happen that they experience discomfort because in these groups they feel ignored or notice that they are not taken into account to make decisions, participate actively in games, etc.

These kinds of situations are complex (like all those we have seen so far, to a greater or lesser extent) and need to be analyzed individually, but something that usually works well is to encourage the child not to settle for just any group of friends; often the main problem lies in believing that one has to belong to a certain social circle at any cost, when there are others in the same group. at any cost, when there are others in which one can easily feel accepted.

6. Self-esteem problems arising from situations of violence

We cannot overlook the fact that sometimes self-esteem problems can be caused by arise from experiences in which we have felt very vulnerable and helpless, and during childhood we are especially prone to go through such situations because of our need for protection, both physical and emotional.During childhood we are especially prone to go through situations like this because of our need for protection, both physical and emotional. In the face of these kinds of problems, it is very important to seek psychological help as soon as possible.

Are you interested in professional psychological help?

If you are looking for psychological assistance or educational support services from professionals, please contact us. At Nanda Center we specialize in psychotherapy, speech therapy, psychopedagogy and school reinforcement. You can find us in Sabadell; to see our contact details, access this page.

Bibliographical references:

• Branden, N. (2001). The psychology of self-esteem: a revolutionary approach to self-understanding that launched a new era in modern psychology. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
• Cassidy, J.; Shaver, P.R. (1999). Handbook of Attachment:Theory, Research and Clinical Applications. Nueva York: Guilford Press.
• Labrador, F. J., Cruzado, J.A. y Muñoz, M. (1998): Manual de técnicas de modificación y terapia de conducta. Madrid: Editorial Pirámide.
• Taylor, L.C., Clayton, Jennifer D., Rowley, S.J. (2004). Academic Socialization: Understanding Parental Influences on Children's School-Related Development in the Early Years. Review of General Psychology. 8 (3): pp. 163 - 178.
• Wallin, D. (2012). El apego en psicoterapia. Bilbao: Desclée De Brouwer.