The 7 reasons why jealousy appears in a relationship

A very common problem in relationships: jealousy.

The jealousy is one of the most prominent problems in relationships of almost all types of psychological profiles. It is a phenomenon that a phenomenon that emerges from inaccurate beliefs about reality, and that not only affects negatively and that not only affects negatively the person who experiences this jealousy in first person, but also the person towards whom the obsessive thoughts are directed, and that with the passage of time can become entrenched forming a difficult obstacle to overcome.

However, jealousy do not always have to be due to the same triggers, however, and can appear in a wide variety ofIt can appear in a great variety of situations, even in cases where there is neither a couple relationship nor even an intimate relationship. The existence of this great variability of "sources" of jealousy does not mean that, in general and Roughly speaking, no basic patterns in the occurrence of jealousy can be found.In the following pages, you can learn more about the main reasons for jealousy in a couple.

Below you can learn more about the main reasons why jealousy occurs in the field of the couple to, from there, get to better understand how to deal with them.

The 7 main causes of jealousy in a couple's relationship

1. To confuse the "we" with the "I".

An important part of jealousy is usually due to a bad management of uncertainty about what the partner is doing and thinking.. In the most extreme cases of jealousy, the simple fact of not knowing as much about the partner as one knows about oneself is something that irritates and produces anguish, but there are also many cases of moderate jealousy that are fed by this same fear of ambiguity. The belief that in a couple there must be a kind of telepathic communication through which two minds merge into one can only lead to frustration and desperate attempts to eliminate the individuality of the other person.

It is hypothesized that traditional romantic love promotes the emergence of such beliefs, although it is not proven that other models of love (e.g., polyamory, polyamory, etc.) are not the same. polyamory) reduce the propensity for this source of jealousy to appear.

2. Insecurities and self-esteem problems

Insecurity is usually one of the main reasons for the phenomenon of jealousy in all types of relationships. Insecure people tend to believe that in certain aspects of their daily life they are at a disadvantage with respect to the rest of people.This leads them to be constantly looking for strategies to try to compensate for this supposedly disadvantaged situation.

Regarding the relationship with the partner and jealousy, someone insecure may come to think that he or she is not valuable or attractive enough to "keep" the other person for a long time without making great sacrifices and without subjecting him or her to a certain vigilance. Of course, this is a serious problem that must be addressed by addressing this person's self-image and self-esteem.

3. A certain tendency to paranoid personality

It is possible to show certain characteristics related to the paranoid personality without strictly having a Paranoid personality disorder much less having paranoid schizophrenia. This means that there are a large number of people who are prone to paranoid thinking and therefore have difficulty trusting others.

As a result of this, they may attach malicious intentions to their friends, partners and family members, and be defensive as a result. In this case, jealousy would be a symptom of a somewhat broader problem that affects other areas of the person's social life..

4. Selective attention

Jealousy can also may also be part of a pessimistic view of the relationship.. That is to say, it is possible that someone who is jealous is focusing his or her attention only on those cases in which he or she remembers that jealousy has ended up looking like accurate intuitions about reality, either because it has anticipated situations of infidelity or because it has been a sign that the relationship was coming to an end.

This may be because these cases are more remarkable for their uniqueness than ordinary cases in which the jealousy is totally removed from what is objectively occurring. their uniqueness than ordinary cases in which the jealousy is totally removed from what is objectively occurring..

5. The reaction of the partner to our own jealousy

Jealousy is often expressed through couple crises or small conflicts. In addition, jealousy is usually more expressed than communicated, or in other words, the person involved only gets through it from the interpretation of our own actions, not because we talk about this jealousy in a sincere and open way.

This causes the other person to change his or her attitude towards us, usually becoming more defensive and claiming his or her individuality. and claiming his or her individuality, purposely doing things that "bother us" even without realizing it.

Beyond moral considerations about whether this type of reaction is right or wrong, the combined effect of this change of attitude added to our bout of jealousy generates a loop of conflicting expectations and interests that often aggravates the problem.

6. The asymmetries in the sexual aspect of the couple's relationship

Detecting that we have sexual preferences that do not entirely fit with what happens in intimate relationships with the other person can lead us to assume that we cannot satisfy her sexually, so it is likely that fears arise that predispose us to jealousy.. In cases like this, it is necessary to attend sexual and couple therapy.

7. The fear of not fitting into gender roles

Gender roles have generated a culture in which, for centuries, a model of romantic love has been extolled in which the other is treated as a possession. Therefore, even those who do not feel love in this way may believe that this kind of behavior is expected of them: expression of jealousy, controlling attitude, etc.

Concluding

These are some of the reasons that are useful in explaining the occurrence of jealousy, but it never hurts to remember that each case is unique. They can be taken as guidelines for self-reflection to check to what extent the jealousy felt follows the logics described here, but they are not rigid descriptions of reality.

Bibliographical references:

• Burton, N. (2015). Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions. United Kingdom: Acheron Press.
• Mathes, E. (1991). A Cognitive Theory of Jealousy. The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy. New York: Guilford Press.