The 7 underlying problems of emotional dependency

Let's see what are the problems that may be behind emotional dependence in relationships.

In relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence towards their partners..

This type of dependence, besides having harmful consequences for the one who suffers it and also for his environment, also usually presents causes that in themselves constitute a problem.

Possible causes of emotional dependence: underlying problems

Emotional dependency is expressed in various waysHowever, in general, there are a series of common characteristics: loss of social life beyond the relationship with the person on whom one is emotionally dependent, constant fear of antagonizing that person or having the relationship severed, and prioritization of all the tasks and responsibilities that have to do with preserving that bond.

1. Low self-esteem

One of the most common causes of emotional dependence is the low self-esteem of the dependent person; this is reflected in a poor self-esteem and a constant feeling of inferiority with respect to the partner.

This low level of self-esteem causes the person to judge him/herself very severely and to blame him/her and even blames himself/herself for the contempt or mistreatment received by his/her partner (if any).

Low self-confidence also feeds the fear of losing that person, since those who suffer from this problem do not see themselves capable of creating other significant bonds with third parties.

2. History of abuse or mistreatment

Many of the cases of emotional dependence that a person may present have their origin in a history of abuse, mistreatment or dysfunctional family relationships in childhood that generate situations of dependence and subordination towards other people in adulthood.

A childhood marked by physical or psychological abuse, parental addiction, a lack of love and affection during the first years of life or an insecure and negative attachment style with the parents can generate in the person a series of affective deficiencies. a series of affective deficiencies, fears and healthy relationship deficits that end up leading to a case of emotional dependency..

Likewise, having gone through traumatic situations in adulthood, such as cases of abuse or toxic relationships can also lead to the development of this type of dependence.

3. Social skills deficits

Some people may lack certain skills needed to build strong personal and emotional relationships, and this, in turn, is a predisposing factor for the development of this type of dependence. a predisposing factor to establish dysfunctional affective bonds..

Thus, people who are emotionally dependent may feel that they need to put all their efforts into a relationship in order to preserve it, as compensation for their difficulties in communicating or trying to present a pleasant or charismatic image.

4. Negative patterns of education and socialization

Another of the causes that can generate emotional dependence and that originates in childhood consists of receiving an inadequate education about love and sentimental relationships..

A conservative educational model based on the teaching of idealized romantic love can generate negative socialization patterns and an erroneous conception of sentimental relationships in the future.

Romantic love is based on a very hermetic conception of gender roles, and the fear of not fitting into them is a factor of vulnerability that gives strength to this constant fear of losing the one we love.

5. Fear of being alone

Many people with emotional dependency often also have a real panic of loneliness, a fear of being alone, a panic of loneliness, of being abandoned by their partner and of being left alone..

This aspect is also explained by low levels of self-esteem, low self-confidence and may also be due to an education based on the imposed idea of romantic love that should last forever (and that if this opportunity is lost there is nothing else that can be done in love).

6. Idealization of the partner

Idealization of the partner is another of the classic psychological elements presented by people with emotional dependence towards their romantic partners.

In a healthy loving relationship, both partners recognize the defects of the other person and accept them, understanding that we are all human and therefore imperfect.

People with emotional dependence idealize their partners so much that they may even tolerate bad situations. may even tolerate situations of mistreatment, humiliationBecause of this idealization, they will assume that they themselves are to blame for what happened.

It is also common for some emotionally dependent people to look for authoritarian, dominant and even possessive partners; in short, psychological profiles that favor their own dynamics of dependence and subordination.

7. Other associated disorders

This phenomenon may be caused by other psychological disorders such as personality disorders, or certain anxiety disorders.

What can be done to overcome the problem?

In the face of emotional dependence, it is necessary to seek psychotherapy as soon as possible.. Mental health professionals work by assessing the problem and offering tailored solutions to intervene at the root of this pattern of behavior and emotional management.

Are you interested in psychotherapy services?

If in your daily life you experience emotional problems or problems associated with your personal relationships and you are looking for professional help, contact us.

At Psychological Center Cepsim we have a complete team of expert psychotherapists in the intervention on alterations such as anxiety disorders, couple crisis, traumas, emotional dependence, depression, and others. Nos encontrarás en nuestras diferentes sedes repartidas por Madrid, y también podemos atenderte de manera online.

Referencias bibliográficas:

• Estévez, A. et. al. (2018). The role of emotional dependence in the relationship between attachment and impulsive behavior. Anales de psicología / Annals of psychology, 34(3): pp. 438 - 445.
• Fernández-Álvarez, H. (2002). Cognitive Therapy of Affective Dependence. Cognitive Psychotherapy Toward a New Millennium. Nueva York: Kluwer Academic/Plenum Publishers.
• Morgan, J.P. (1991). What is codependency?. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 47(5): pp. 720 - 729.