The 8 keys to emotional communication in couples

Basic aspects on which emotional communication is based in the field of life as a couple.

There are often many couples who come to my office with problems in which they have not reached a point of agreement between them because of problems that have arisen. Often the emotional response of some of them is based on two points: keeping quiet (as if by magic it will be fixed) or running away from the problem (not to deal with it again).

This, obviously, only makes the problem bigger, since sweeping the garbage under the rug will ultimately cause us to trip over it and fall down. This is what a poorly resolved couple conflict translates into: garbage hidden away not to be dealt with that at a given moment bothers us and causes that nauseating smell to cloud our thinking, leaving us unable to do anything but deal with it. The way to deal with it will be to externalize it.

Unfortunately, in people with bad emotional communication in the couple relationships this kind of problems are frequent, with behaviors that in the others will create frustration and anxiety when seeing us strange and not understanding us.

Key ideas of emotional communication in the life of a couple.

The 8 keys that I am going to present to you so that you can put into practice the emotional communication are simple to follow; let's go with them.

1. 5-second rule: before expressing something, count it

It is important that we do not fall into impulses when expressing ideas.. Many times we respond out of anger thinking that we are being provoked, which makes us cry out loud and say things without thinking about them. Therefore, I suggest that before speaking you try to calm down and count 5 mysisipis. It sounds silly, but believe me, it works.

2. Now or never: talk about what bothers you in the moment.

It's funny, but... don't you sometimes explode over something silly, remembering something else that bothered you at the time? Don't you realize how you unconsciously carry unresolved conflicts with you? For this, it is important to say something when it bothers you, even if you think it is something unimportant. Talking about it in a constructive way helps to solve it and our partner sees the things that bother us.because he/she is not a fortune teller.

3. Constant tone: no shouting

Be careful, manners are the last thing to go. Raising the tone in a conversation makes us break one of the main rules: respect.. Therefore it is important to maintain a constant tone, neither too high (implies aggressiveness) nor too low (implies arrogance). Maintaining a steady, clear voice will make it easier for us to exchange opinions.

4. An objective: I am like this because...

It is important that we make clear what we are talking about.

More than once we have noticed our partner being strange and not knowing what is wrong, until at some point we squeeze him and he tells us about his anger. Therefore, to avoid this, when we have discomfort the best thing is to express the problem, and as a result we are going to deal with it with our partnerremembering to keep the above points in mind.

5. Express the problem from what it has made you feel.

I think it's a good idea and it works best, since you don't start your you don't start your discussion from an accusation, but by showing how you feel, and that will make your partner see how you feel.This will make your partner see that he/she has made you feel bad and that you are starting from a point of internal reflection, which will make things easier to deal with.

6. Non-verbal behavior: hands, smiles, eye contact.

Logically, we cannot carry out a good communication while we are watching TV or shying away from situations and talking at the same time we are leaving. When one of us wants to start a conversation, it is important to look each other in the eye, that we are both at the same height (if he is sitting down, so are we), and if at that moment we are busy, propose to continue the conversation a little later. if at that moment we are busy, propose to continue the conversation a little later, so that we can focus our attention on the so that we can focus 100% of our attention on the conversation.

At the end of the day, if they are talking to us sitting on the floor and we are standing, it is going to be a bit uncomfortable. Therefore, being able to talk face to face is essential and will make things easier.

7. Your partner is not a fortune teller

Many times, our verbal communication is influenced by the beliefs that we make based on how our partner should act, turning us into teachers and transforming the relationship into a continuous examination based on constant evaluation. transforming the relationship into a continuous examination based on a constant evaluation of our partner's behavior..

In situations like this, the other feels that he/she has to satisfy all our shortcomings of the moment and pass all the tests we put him/her, such as: saying good morning, answering our calls, not leaving us on read on WhatsApp, etc. In this way we will become selfish (and incidentally, controllers), not allowing him to be less attentive to us for his personal reasons (he may be going through a bad season at work, he is worried about something, etc.).

We thus adopt a very childish and immature posture called "egoism", in which only our health, our routine, our state of mind... are important. In short, we only matter ourselves and we project on the other person that he/she should be a slave of our mood, thus being dependent on us full time. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you should ask if everything is all right and stop expecting behavior and jumping to conclusions?

8. Waiting for it to end

In the emotional communication in couple, you have to be clear about something: learning to listen is fundamental.

If you initiate a conversation or he initiates it with you, wait for it to end. Leaving in the middle of an argument not only makes things worse, but also means that the matter is not settled. Respect turns and take the opportunity to speak up when it's your turn. This way, you can make it clear what is bothering you and what can be done.

It is important, during these talks, to reach common solutions through an agreement; to see them as such and not as a toll to be paid in the form of a downpour to which we only propose to listen so that it passes and we can continue to do our things. In short, I propose to debate.

Conclusion

As someone said: patience is the mother of science, and in relationships, if we stop to listen patiently and form a communication based on trust, we will achieve a better relationship. For more information do not hesitate to contact me.