The 8 psychological pillars to get over a breakup

Key ideas to face a breakup in the best possible way.

Breakups are sometimes very intense and painful processes that most people have gone through at some point in their lives.

There are many ways to face them, both for the good and for the bad, and that implies that in some people they can leave a very painful emotional mark due to the type of experience they have lived in that process. In the most severe cases, this discomfort translates into psychological problems; this has to do with not being able to go on with their lives normally and having difficulties when trying to establish loving relationships with new people.

In order that these breakups do not generate such a strong impact on people's lives and can be overcome by everyone, in this article you will find a series of useful advice with which to overcome a sentimental breakup.

• Article related: "6 activities of the couple's therapy".

8 fundamental tips to get over a breakup

Apply these guidelines to know how to manage the sentimental rupture in the best possible way.

1. Do not withdraw into yourself

As in any mourning process, in a breakup, it is usually necessary to share the it is usually necessary to share the Pain with other people, especially with the family or friends.Especially with the family or friends, who are usually also the ones who have witnessed all the phases of the relationship from the beginning.

To withdraw into oneself and try to overcome the pain without external help can be counterproductive and generate a much more painful situation. With the support of the inner circle of loved ones, the person will be able to overcome the breakup much more efficiently and in a shorter period of time.

2. Accepting and managing grief

The pain and suffering derived from the breakup are perfectly normal feelings; they are a sign that there is a paradigm shift in our lives, since our day-to-day life becomes very different, among other things. That is why, the solution does not lie in actively trying to block these feelings..

It is important to keep in mind that in order to overcome the breakup, we must accept negative emotions as something necessary to successfully complete the grieving process.

3. Look to the future

The feeling of suffering and intense pain of the first weeks after the breakup are usually accompanied by a great nostalgia, a constant memory of the other person and an idealization of the past with him or her.

To overcome this phase it is best to look ahead and de-idealize the common past with the ex-partner.. This can be achieved, for example, by writing down the feelings and beliefs that come to mind when thinking about the relationship that has ended, and analyzing these ideas from a critical point of view.

4. Understanding the breakup

Sometimes it can be difficult to overcome a breakup because of not knowing the causes of the breakup, and especially if you are not the one who decided to break up with the other person.

In order to overcome the breakup in a relatively short time and finally achieve a state of well-being and emotional balance, it helps a lot to have an explanation of the factors that triggered the breakup..

But this should be done without emphasizing the moral aspect of what happened: it does not matter so much who was to blame for what, but what were the signs that indicated the presence of serious problems in the state of the relationship. It is positive that, from time to time, we can think about these memories in a distanced way, based on describing what happened.

Doing this helps to overcome the breakup because it brings a constructive component to the breakup, as it gives way to a situation that favors learning.

5. Accepting the facts

Another aspect that follows from the previous one is that it is essential to accept the facts that have occurred. acceptance of the facts that have taken place in relation to the breakup is essential.. It is necessary to accept the will of the other person and ours with naturalness, and not to try to recover it at all costs nor to feel bad for not wanting to be more with her, depending on the case.

6. Change of habits

A useful strategy is to change habits, in order to fully accept the change in the way of being with the other person. to fully accept the change of way of life.

The acquisition of healthy lifestyle habits related to sports and sustained physical activity is especially recommended, since they help to get rid of intrusive thoughts and combat depressive and anxious symptoms.

7. Taking time for yourself

Learning to be alone with yourself is essential after a breakup.. In addition to seeking the support of friends and family, it is also important to spend time alone to find well-being in oneself, instead of desperately seeking external stimuli to avoid thinking about the ex-partner.

This aspect is of vital importance, because only by learning that happiness begins with oneself, we will be able to find it also in other people.

But at the same time, we must be careful not to isolate ourselves too much.It is important to avoid spending long periods of time with someone who is important to us, since at a time of psychological vulnerability, this can increase the risk of psychological disorders.

8. See a specialized psychologist

Whether you have been able to overcome the breakup with your ex-partner by your own means or not, it is highly recommended to go to a psychologist specialized in breakups to carry out a process of self-knowledge and self-management. a process of self-knowledge and personal growth..

With a specialist psychologist you can obtain solutions adapted to your specific case, more effective and lasting.

Looking for psychological support?

If you are interested in psychological assistance services because you suffer from emotional or behavioral problems, contact us. At Avance Psychologists you can find the support of a team of mental health experts with 20 years of professional experience. Aquí encontrarás nuestros datos de contacto.

Referencias bibliográficas:

• Dattilio, F.M. & Padesky, C.A. (2004). Terapia Cognitiva con parejas. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.
• Lopez-Cantero, E. (2018). The Break-Up Check: Exploring Romantic Love through Relationship Terminations. Philosophia (Ramat Gan), 46(3): pp. 689 - 703.
• Verhallen, A.M. et. al. (2019). Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms. PLoS One, 14(5): e0217320.