The education of children from the family: 7 key ideas

Different tips and recommendations to educate children well in the family environment.

Educating children during their infancy is always a complex matter.There are many things to take into account, and it is obvious that babies do not come with an instruction manual.

In fact, there are several patterns of behavior and thinking of children that are particular to that age group. For that reason, unless we make an effort to understand them, their upbringing becomes very complicated.

7 tips for the education of children from the family context.

As a parent and as a clinical psychologist with more than 25 years of experience, I have seen that many families tend to repeat over and over again the same mistakes regarding the education of young children in the family context. the education of young children in the family context..

In fact, this led me to write the book Guide for moms and dads in troublein which I explain in a simple way several tips and recommendations regarding the upbringing and education of the little ones at home, as well as several guidelines to take care of oneself as a parent and not suffer too much psychological wear and tear (or, simply, fatigue).

In the following lines you will find a summary of some of the main ideas contained in the book, which I believe are very useful for raising children. very useful for educating children beyond school, in the family environment.in the family environment.

1. Children are not miniature adults

One of the basic principles of child psychology is that children are not half-baked adults. On the contrary, they have their own way of interpreting reality and relating to their environment.It is a psychological system present in childhood that, although it has its flaws, does not need to be constantly "refilled" with information in order to mature earlier.

Therefore, pressuring children to learn as quickly as possible makes no sense. Many of the things we try to forcefully teach them will not be understood in the way we want them to understand them, and this will probably only result in their rejection of many of the educational initiatives they will encounter over the next few years.

In addition, children often learn in situations that, from our adult perspective, we might perceive as "wasting time": playing games, talking with friends, etc.etc. If they are curious and given to exploration from their first months of life, it is for a reason.

2. Punishment is not equivalent to physical suffering

Unfortunately, there is still a tendency to associate punishment with physical aggression, the habit of causing Pain to the child who has misbehaved. This makes that, for some families, the "common sense" idea that inappropriate acts should be punished becomes the normalization of violence towards children, something that is totally harmful and not only generates suffering, but also can greatly worsen the education that these children receive..

But in addition, this belief has another opposite effect; it leads some families to assume that, for example, denying a child the possibility of going out to play for several hours is more or less like hitting him or her. The trivialization of physical violence thus acts in several directionsOn the one hand, it normalizes it, and on the other hand, it stigmatizes the legitimate use of non-physical punishment methods that can be effective in certain contexts.

3. Growing up is not intrinsically painful

It is true that during childhood both boys and girls burn through stages of their development rapidly, from one year to the next, and that this can present them with many challenges and put them under a certain amount of pressure at certain stages of life (especially as they move towards puberty).

On the other hand, assuming that entering the period of puberty does not imply living in a drama prevents us as adults from having an overprotective or excessively controlling attitude, which would lead to problems in family and parenting relationships (or even to assuming that the child has problems that he or she is hiding, although objectively there is nothing to indicate that they exist).

However, there is no stage of life that is inherently painful, or that is "too hard" and requires them to heal in suffering. If a child shows obvious signs of having a hard time, it does not mean that he or she is learning to cope with challenges.If a child shows obvious signs of having a hard time, it does not mean that he or she is learning to cope with challenges or to take care of him or herself in the face of life's demands. He or she may be experiencing childhood depression or any other psychological disorder from which childhood is not exempt, and it is important to see a professional.

4. We must value the educational power of friends.

As parents, we have a lot of information and experience about how the world works, and it is clear that this is very useful to our children.

However, as for non-formal education (i.e., that which occurs spontaneously outside the classroom), much of the content that our children will learn and the roles they will try to imitate are not in us, but in children their age. Especially when they grow up and go through puberty, young people their own age or slightly older become their reference pointsWhat our children look up to the most.

We have to take this into account in order to assume our humble role in their upbringing on the one hand, and not to blame ourselves unjustifiably if for some reason they learn problematic behavior patterns with which they have come into contact only outside the home.

5. We must lead by example

As we have seen so far, the spontaneous learning that takes place in free time is a very relevant part of the education of children during childhood. That is why, as fathers and mothers, we must set an example of the values we want to transmit to them.. For them, anything that appears to be limited to the world of theory is of little interest.

Moreover, the fact that others follow the rules acts as a constant reminder that those rules are there and must be followed.

6. Temper tantrums are a challenge, but they must be dealt with stoically.

Tantrums and temper tantrums are never pleasant, and if they are repeated too often, they can become very stressful and have a significant impact on our stress levels. However, this discomfort should not justify us behaving in a similar way, using these moments to let off steam and yell at our son or daughter. One bad action does not cancel out another bad actionAnd beyond a purely moral analysis, it is not something that will make his or her behavior improve either.

7. Clear guidelines must be given

One of the aspects that best defines the success of child rearing is the ability to remain consistent with the rules of behavior that we propose. Therefore, we must pay attention to think about the consequences of these rules once they have been explained to the little ones at home. Will we be able to implement them and will we be able to comply with them ourselves?

Anything that makes us change the rules on the fly, improvising depending on what happens, detracts from the habit of respecting certain rules. There is always room for readjustments and corrections in time, but they should be the exception, not the rule.

In addition, having very concrete and clear rules allows children to learn from their mistakes knowing exactly what they have done wrong, and at the same time provides them with security, so they will not be afraid of not knowing if they can be punished for performing certain actions.