The importance of setting limits and their relationship to self-esteem

Knowing how to say no is essential to maintain a good level of self-esteem.

Saying "no" is a skill that needs to be trained.. It must be practiced on numerous occasions in order to finally feel comfortable with it.

If we are not used to saying no, we may feel strange at first, and those around us may feel strange too, having been accustomed to your continued predisposition.

Always say yes

It is good to say yes, in relation to being open to aspects that we did not contemplate before, in order to gradually be able to build a more open and flexible mentality.

But when we say yes just to be liked, it becomes a problem.. Because we do it in response to what others need and not to what we need ourselves.

Saying yes is a very comfortable position where you don't question anything. Because listening to yourself and questioning your own needs is more complex... and requires giving value to what you need. You stop listening to yourself to meet the needs of others; then, in a sense you are neglecting and forgetting about yourself.

It is inefficient to invest energy in aspects that we know don't matter or fulfill us.. Above all, because even though we say we do, deep down, we are feeling that we don't... and it is not fulfilling us. And the attitude with which we carry out activities that we do not like, in the end also makes that becomes counterproductive.

In addition, it is interesting to to reflect on the cost that can be generated by trying to be able to do everything and meet everyone's needs.

Why it is important to set limits

It is very common to put the needs of others before our own needs, because we want to please or because we have the self-demand to take care of others before ourselves.It is very common to put our own needs before the needs of others, because we want to please them or because we have the self-demand to take care of others before taking care of ourselves.

Also, on many occasions, having self-esteem is seen as an egocentric position and these two terms are confused, when they really have nothing to do with each other. Let's look at the main differences:

To have a healthy self-esteem is to know how to take care of oneself, and to achieve it, it is necessary to dedicate time to satisfy and please what we need for ourselves.. And in case of not being able to "self-discover" certain needs (affection, love... are aspects that we need from other people), give value to them and do not belittle or downplay the importance of what we need.

Saying no and guilt

When we start practicing this skill of saying no, we may feel bad about not meeting the needs of others. But it is normal, since we are not used to it, and those around you even less. Even when we start to say no, others may complain and demand things from us... because as we have always done it, they expect the same from us.

Therefore, it is totally normal that at the beginning we feel some guilt, but it is important to discern that it is not objective. In addition, we always offer our help, it's great for others, but maybe not so much for us.

Therefore, it is important to it is important to manage the possible guilt that may appear at the beginning, so as not to give in again.So that we do not give in once again and start to take ourselves into account first. To do this, you can remind yourself and say to yourself "I respect and support myself". Being aware that saying no is a good thing for oneself, physically and emotionally.

Developing healthy self-esteem and autonomy

First of all, it is important to know that we are the ones who are responsible, to a greater extent, for making ourselves feel good.To this end, it is necessary that we take care of ourselves first. The following is a description of how to cultivate this healthy self-esteem.

• Reflect on the values of oneself, of others, and know how to differentiate them: What do I value? What are my needs? What is important to me and what is not? What do others value? What are their needs? Will I be able to meet them better when I meet mine first?
• Prioritize and give the value they deserve to our own values.
• Knowing how to say no assertively (neither passive nor aggressive) to those aspects that do not fulfill us.
• Accepting the discomfort that may result when giving a refusal to another person and knowing that their reaction is not "your fault". Manage possible guilt.
• Enjoying having chosen you first.

If we start this process, we will give more importance to ourselves and we will feel that we are worth more than we are worth. we will feel that we are worth more than we have ever done before.. Only then will we begin to build a healthy self-esteem.

As a last point, we must remember the importance of not judging ourselves when we do not set limits, because we also have the right to do so. It is normal to take a few steps backwards along the way. To have good self-esteem, it is important not to punish oneself.