The midlife crisis: what is it and how to deal with it?

The social pressure to have children or an established life can affect us psychologically.

When we enter our thirties, some people are not able to cope with the changes that this entry into the third decade of life entails. More responsibilities, longer and more complicated schedules, more demanding jobs?

Of course, ending one's twenties is a substantial change.. While during the second decade of life little more is required of us than to study and begin to enter the labor market, when we turn 30 we are asked to settle down in a stable job, and even the arrival of babies and mortgages to our routine.

Thirties crisis: how to deal with it?

Being a very widespread problem, the truth is that many people find themselves confused and with an excess of responsibility and stress when they turn thirty years old.What advice and strategies can we recommend from Psychology so that they can move forward quickly?

In today's article we are going to explain what the mid-life crisis is and several tips to alleviate this emotional burden.

1. Demystify the pressure of turning 30

The mid-life crisis has a deep-rooted cultural component.. Certainly, age is just a number, but society insists on making us carry certain backpacks (responsibilities, chores, demands) and, in the case of women, even the dreaded Biological clock. This means that culturally they feel increasing pressure to have offspring.

The effects of this way of conceiving age as a way of accumulating social pressures of all kinds is highly dysfunctional. We must relativize the fact of having a birthday and bear in mind that what society generally understands as positive or "in accordance" with a certain age range does not necessarily have to be positive or beneficial for our lives.

2. Assume responsibilities

The older we get,the more we tend to want to own more property, to have a better job, a bigger and better furnished house.... Be careful with all this. Growing older must mean taking on certain responsibilities, but we must not fall into the trap of becoming anxious and stressed.

We live in a society that values material goods and social status above all else. Just because you are 30 or older and have not yet been able to find your place in the world does not imply anything at all. In fact, many people who have succeeded in life have had disappointments and moments of anguish, until they finally found what made them happy (which is not always linked to material things...). So, we have to assume responsibilities, but being aware that the clock is on our side; it should never be a reason for stress or frustration.

3. Living alone is not a drama

In the mid-life crisis, a cultural cliché comes into play: it is the one that says that women should have children (before they "run out of rice"). This myth can upset many women who find themselves between a rock and a hard place. They may not want to have children, but society is constantly reminding them that they are of an age where they can't delay much longer.

In this case it is also necessary to promote our understanding that there are alternative ways of life that can fit perfectly with the personality of some individuals. Or is it that we cannot be happy if we do not live as a couple or if we do not have offspring?

4. Be grateful for everything that life has given you so far.

We return to a social and cultural factor that tries to harm us once we enter our thirties. This mercantilist society makes us feel a strong self-esteem only if we have achieved an economic welfare above the average. And, in reality, most people who live happily spend their (little) money traveling, having unique experiences, getting to know new places, enjoying the little things of everyday life, etc.etc.

We should, every day, congratulate ourselves and be grateful for how we are, for our past achievements and for everything we have been able to live so far. Material benefits will come, we have our whole life ahead of us and we should not feel bad if in this aspect we have not achieved major milestones.

5. Assume the mourning process

The thirties is an age in which, generally, we will have some important loss within our circle of family or friends.. Our parents are already close to old age, and it is likely that we have already left the bubble of adolescent and post-adolescent wellbeing to immerse ourselves in a life with really hard moments.

This process of adapting to a routine with ups and downs can lead to some psychological problems. It is important here to highlight the valuable quality of resilience, which is that strength that makes us recover even when things do not go as we wanted. To assume the mourning when we lose a loved one or have a sentimental rupture is another of those aspects that will make us come out stronger during the crisis of the 30s.

Bibliographical references:

• Lachman, M. (2004). Development in Midlife. Annual Review of Psychology 55. p. 305-331.
• Lachman, M. (2001). Handbook of midlife development.