Thinking you are not up to the task: causes and how to solve it.

Excessive self-demanding can become dysfunctional. How to manage this problem?

It has happened to all of us at one time or another: we demand ourselves or we feel demanded, in a spiral of frustration that ends up making us feel discouraged.. We feel that we are not up to the task, and this causes us discouragement and at the same time fear and insecurity.

Where do these feelings come from, what do they lead to? And especially, how to solve it?

The excess of self-demanding

The exigency or self-demanding can be a sensation and positive state of mind, since it helps us to grow and to overcome challenges. However, in our current society and way of life (based on materialism and the cult of individualism) it has ended up being dysfunctional, as it if we are not aware of our limits, this demand can turn into a permanent dissatisfaction with ourselves and with others.both with yourself and with others.

We are constantly told: you must surpass yourself, you must be "the best", you have a talent to exploit, in addition to a constant exposure to comparisons and unrealistic models that frustrate us. Yes, people have talents and skills, and these make us happy if we know how to harmonize them in our lives. The problem comes when this demand is neither harmonious nor functional.Instead of making you happy, it anchors you in dissatisfaction and makes you feel that you are running after a goal that seems to always go faster than you.

What does this demand lead you to? To overload yourself at work (which makes it very difficult to harmonize your work life with your personal or family life), to dedicate too many hours to your projects, to pay too much attention to others, to try to meet other people's expectations, or, in short, to live a life based on a demand that only ends up frustrating you.

What is demanding or self-demanding? It is a state of mind similar to that of frustration, where we want to achieve a result or experience that, for we want to achieve a result or experience that for now we are not achieving or living..

The thought of not measuring up

Having desires and wanting to grow is in itself a good thing. The problem is when this demand is not based on one's own desires but on expectations, comparisons or fear of being evaluated.The problem is when this demand is not based on our own desires but on expectations, comparisons or fear of being valued by others (partners, family members, or even within our own work).

This is one of the most common problems in consultation when going through a process of personal change: feeling that we are not up to the task, that we demand too much of ourselves, that our expectations are not being met. The origin of this problem is the same: emotion management, specifically in relation to fear and insecurity..

As a psychologist and coach, in the last 10 years I have accompanied people in their change processes, and whatever the problem was, the way we understand and manage our emotions was always a necessary key to work on. In this video we can go much deeper into what is the meaning of the demand, what it leads you to, when it is dysfunctional (it does not help you grow but limits you) and how to overcome that problem. Press play!

Lack of acceptance

Behind a functional self-demanding there is above all a lack of acceptance towards our reality. We want more and more, and that implies that we are afraid and insecure about the future.. In turn, we demand ourselves to meet our expectations or the expectations of others, but expectations are always based on fear (if we want to achieve something in particular and we build our expectations based on a rigid objective, it is because we are afraid of not achieving it or because we consider it essential).

In a process of change, first of all, we learn that the objectives we have in the beginning are only the desires that lead us to change, but that the real objective and result is what you get when you live a process of stable, deep personal change that helps you for your whole life.

Demanding yourself is functional if it helps you to grow based on your talents, within your limits, and above all if you are oriented to your own personal growth.and above all if you focus on what really makes you happy. As soon as this demand is based on fear or depends on external factors (how others value you, for example), it will be dysfunctional, since the outside world is a factor that you cannot control.

Learning to understand and manage your emotions implies living a process of change where you learn to have them in your favor instead of against you, and where your emotions help you to grow and to demand from yourself what you can really demand from yourself and makes you be at peace with yourself.

If you want to live this change, at empoderamientohumano.com you have the option to schedule a free exploratory session (only if you have the desire and commitment to live your process) or take the first steps in the free program Emociónate. Above all, may your demand lead you only to grow, not to limit yourself.