Top 5 Causes of Fear of Commitment in Relationships

These are the causes that lead people to fear commitment in relationships.

Being in a relationship has profound implications in our lives, regardless of whether we are aware of it.

Although emphasis is usually placed on the emotions produced by love and falling in love, leaving singleness behind is not limited to the feelings we experience by "being with someone." Starting a relationship is, in practice, starting a project with long-term plans, even if we do not talk about it and do not want to name the type of emotional bond that unites these two people.

In recent times, however, it has become it has become increasingly common for this long-term logic of love relationships to come up against the phenomenon of fear of commitment.. Many people seek psychological assistance precisely because they feel a contradiction, the desire to be and at the same time not be in a relationship. Why is that?

Dynamics that wear down the bonding with the couple.

It is true that in some very exceptional cases, the fear of commitment can meet the characteristics of a psychopathology that is expressed in other symptoms beyond the love life of people; above all, it occurs through emotional disturbances that belong to the category of anxiety disorders and phobias.

In most situations, however, dysfunctional fear of long-term commitment in a couple's relationship is expressed in subtle ways, which cannot be "summed up" in the following wayThese can not be "summed up" by concepts that appear in diagnostic manuals used in the mental health world.

In fact, many people suffer from discomfort due to fear of commitment but do not even realize that this is a problem to be addressed, given that in most areas of their lives they function relatively well and have no clear symptoms of a psychological disorder. But just because something is not a psychopathology does not mean that it should not be addressed or, if necessary, overcome through individual or couples therapy.

Part of the phenomenon of fear of commitment, then, does not arise from an imbalance in the functioning of the brain, nor from diagnosable traumas or clinical pictures, but from diffuse patterns of behavior that have been learned and that, in some cases, "float in the environment" to which the person is exposed on a daily basis: in the media, in the media, in the media, and in the world. day by day: in the media he/she consumes, in the unwritten rules of his/her circle of friends, etc.

It is partly due to these social and cultural aspects that if a few decades ago the fear was to remain single after a certain age, today it is not uncommon to feel fear for the opposite, to be linked to someone in a "hasty" way.

Main causes of fear of commitment

What is happening to make so many people afraid of commitment? Let's look at a series of factors that make it easier for us to fall into this source of fear when it comes to sexual and love life.

1. Lack of assertiveness

Sometimes, the fear of commitment appears because of something as simple as not daring to talk about one's plans, life expectations, etc. This blockage in communication makes people see the fact of being in a relationship as a problem, since this implies projecting themselves onto the other person.This is because it implies projecting oneself into the future together with a person with whom one hardly talks about very important aspects.

Thus, the fear of commitment may be associated with the fear of talking things over and looking for a solution in the present; a solution that does not have to imply ending the relationship.

Fear of showing vulnerabilities

The more time we spend in a romantic relationship, the more numerous are the occasions in which we show our vulnerabilities to the other person. For those who tend to be very suspicious of what others might do to them in the long run, this can lead to a certain uneasiness. can lead to a certain uneasiness.. The key is to learn to trust where it makes sense to do so, and a love relationship is one of those contexts in which opening up is both liberating and necessary for the bond to work.

3. Immersion in a culture of short-termism

If we are bombarded every day with messages that emphasize short-termism and extreme individualism, it is not surprising that we end up falling into a fear of commitment. In cases like this, part of the problem lies in being exposed to social environments that give visibility to a single, very specific ideology.

4. Lack of tolerance for uncertainty

Being in a relationship always involves taking certain risksSince, as we have seen, it is a long-term project. This means that we agree to make plans for the future even knowing that, technically, the other person may decide to end the relationship at any time. This idea must be properly managed, and there are those who find it difficult.

5. Frustration by tending to unrealistic expectations.

Finally, we cannot overlook that some people experience the relationship from mixed feelings: one loves the other person but, at the same time, the experience of being with him or her does not fit with the expectations that had been created about what it is to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. And because there is this tension, the idea that it does not make sense to give up forever to feel what one believes oneself to be "true love" and that in reality it is nothing more than an idealization.

Are you looking for psychological help?

If you are interested in professional psychological help both in individual sessions and couples therapy, I invite you to contact me.

From Psiquilibrium I offer psychological assistance and therapy services both in person (in Madrid) and online by video call.