Toxic families: 4 ways in which they cause mental disorders

Toxic families can generate psychopathologies and other problems in some of their members.

Families are one of the most important social institutions, since they are the fundamental nucleus of socialization and enculturation of the constitute the fundamental nucleus of socialization and enculturation of individuals, especially in the first years of life.especially in the first years of life.

This means that psychologists, who are in charge of looking after the emotional and psychological well-being of people, pay close attention to the different interpersonal relationships that develop within families. It is not only the personal characteristics of individuals that matter: it is also necessary to pay attention to the relationships they establish, especially if these are carried out within the family. That is why the issue of toxic families is so important.

• Recommended article: "The 8 types of families and their characteristics".

Families that generate mental problems

The family is not only important for educating children and promoting their learning, but it also generates a series of habits and dynamics that are of great interest because of their influence on the mental disorders that can be generated in some of its members. In fact, psychology observes and studies with attention the forms of organization in society, and the family, of course, is one of the most important elements.

There are many types of families. Large families, families with only two members, structured families, unstructured, happy, apathetic, violent... much depends on the personality of its members and, of course, on the circumstances. In addition, each family (if there are children) has its own educational styles: some are more democratic and others more authoritarian, some are more open and liberal and others more closed and impermeable.. The family bond that is established between parents and children is key and will greatly influence the child's personality, beliefs and mental health.

Some dysfunctional family relationships based on overprotection, abandonment, violence or projection have been extensively studied by psychologists to establish links between these forms of relating and the appearance of some psychological and psychiatric illnesses.

The taboo of psychopathology in the family nucleus

When psychologists deal with these conflicts and problems in families, it is common for us to receive all kinds of criticism. We live in a culture where the family is a closed institution. The members of any family are very suspicious of an external person evaluating and trying to change dynamics and habits, because this is experienced by the members of the family. this is experienced by the members of the family as an intrusion into their privacy and their most deeply rooted values.. The family may be dysfunctional and may be creating mental problems in its members, but it is still very difficult to carry out therapy without encountering reticence and bad faces.

There are some preconceived ideas that distort the work of the therapist: "Everything has to stay in the family", "The family will always love you well", "No matter what happens, the family must always be united". These are phrases and ideas that are deeply rooted in our culture and that, although they apparently speak to us of unity and fraternity, hide a distrustful and distrusting look, hide a distrustful and suspicious look towards anyone who can provide an objective point of view on these dynamics and family relations (even if it is with the and family relationships (even with the noble intention of helping).

This conception of the family causes much pain, dismay and despair among people who have the feeling that their relatives have not been up to the task, that they have not been by their side unconditionally and offering them support. In extreme cases, as in the case of having suffered some form of abuse, the negative consequences for emotional well-being can be serious.

Not all families are nests of love, trust and affection. There are families in which situations of permanent stress are generated and in which one (or several) of its members cause discomfort and suffering to other member(s). Sometimes it may be a harm that is done unintentionally, without malice, and in others there may be factors that actually lead to hatred and violence, physical or verbal. In other cases, the problem is not so evident and is more related to the educational style used by parents or the "contagion" of insecurities or problems from some members to others.

Toxic families and their relationship with the mental disorders of their members

It is not the intention of this text to point out the mistakes of fathers and mothers, but it does seem to us opportune to try to it does seem appropriate to try to shed some light on some myths and cultural misunderstandings that cause some families to be a real disaster.. Living together in a toxic family is absolutely devastating for each of its members, and this has direct consequences with the appearance of certain psychopathologies associated with having to deal with high doses of pressure, stress and even mistreatment.

We are going to know a total of four ways in which toxic families contaminate some of their members, causing mental and behavioral disorders.

1. Labels and roles: Pygmalion effect and its harmful influence on the children.

All parents have, at one time or another, labeled their children. Phrases such as "the child is very lively", "he is shy" or "he has a bad temper" are a sample of sentences that, even if we adults do not realize it, have a negative influence on our children, although we adults do not realize it, are causing a strong emotional impact on our children.. These phrases, said a thousand times in the family environment, end up seriously affecting children.

Although we do not want to give importance to them, these labels affect the child's identity, how he/she perceives and values him/herself. Even though the child may not really be shameful, hearing that adjective repeatedly from people in his family, whom he admires, sets a precedent for how he should behave or act, in accordance with the expectations generated. This is what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy or Pygmalion Effect, since the role or label that adults have imposed on the child ends up becoming a reality..

Therefore, labeling a child is a way of contaminating his behavior, instilling in him certain essentialist ideas about how he is or how he ceases to be. These labels, to make matters worse, are easy to propagate and are often repeated ad nauseam by teachers, family friends and neighbors, becoming more and more entrenched in the child's immediate environment, which aggravates the problem.

2. Loves that kill

Many fathers and mothers use a recurring maxim that they always repeat to their children: "nobody will love you as much as we love you". This phrase, although it may have a large part of reason, often makes many people who have felt unloved in their family environment assume that, somehow, they have no right to feel bad, since everything their family did was "for their own good". This in extreme cases, can lead to underreporting of abuse or mistreatment..

We must begin to redefine sibling love in a healthier way. The love of a family is obvious, but there are misunderstood loves, loves that kill. Sharing genes with someone is not a reason for someone to believe they have the right to hurt you, manipulate you or coerce you. Being related to someone has to do with sharing a genetic and Biological load, but the emotional bond goes far beyond that. the emotional bond goes far beyond that and the first is not a prerequisite for the second, nor is it the cause. People mature and learn which relatives have our affection and love, and this is not something that comes written in the family book.

Laying the foundations of family relationships based on respect is the first step towards a better understanding of our identities and spaces.

3. Overprotective parents

One of the most difficult tasks for parents when it comes to educating their children is to maintaining a balance between establishing rules and behavioral habits and loving and spoiling the little ones in the house.. In this case, extremes are not at all advisable, and while some parents are negligent and neglect their children, others are overprotective and are too much on top of them.

This parenting style is not positive at all, as the child does not face social or risky situations controlled by the overprotection exerted on him by his parents, so he does not live the necessary experiences for him to mature and face his own challenges. Under this learning style, most children become somewhat more insecure and standoffish than others. Children need to explore their environment, of course with the support of an attachment figure such as a parent, but overprotection can damage the child's development. overprotection can harm their learning and self-confidence..

In order for the child to develop and explore the world around him/her independently, it is necessary that we offer support and help to the child, but this attachment should not be confused with excessive control.

4. Desires and insecurities projected on the youngest members of the household

Being a parent is not only a great responsibility but also the obligation to care for and educate a human being, in all its complexity. No one is obliged to have children, in our societies it is a personal choice that may depend on multiple factors, such as economic stability or the ability to find an ideal partner, but in the end it is also a decision that we make in a very personal way.

If we take this into account, having children can be planned and therefore we need to take responsibility for it. Children should not serve as a way to fix couple problems, nor to feel respected by the couple.Children should not serve as a way to fix marital problems, nor to feel respected by others, and much less as a way to transfer our frustrations and unfulfilled desires to another person.

All parents want their child to be the smartest in the class and the best in sports, but we must avoid at all costs that he/she lacks the ability to be the best in the world. we must avoid at all costs burdening them with the pressure of our desires and wishes.. If in your youth you were a second division soccer player who could not become a professional because of an injury, do not force your child to be a professional soccer player. Trying to compare or pressure a child to be what you want him to be not only puts him in a situation of emotional vulnerability, but can also undermine his self-esteem and restrict the free development of his personality. Let him make his own way and decide for himself, give him your support and the necessary advice, but do not project on him what you would have wanted to be.

Bibliographical references:

• Ackerman, N. (1970). Theory and practice of family therapy. Buenos Aires: Proteo.
• McNamee, S. and Gergen, K.J. (1996) La terapia como construcción social. Barcelona: Paidós.
• Minuchin, S. (1982). Families and family therapy. Buenos Aires: Gedisa.