Toxic Positivity: Too Much Optimism Can Be Worse Than Sadness

Toxic positivity can lead us to try to embrace harmful optimism.

It's a message that runs deep in society, especially since Martin Seligman popularized the term "positive psychology" a few decades ago. Many people took that optimistic discourse and promoted it (with the best intentions in the world, I do not deny it).

However, some professionals, authors and companies have abused this optimistic discourse, in some cases to counterproductive extremes..

Toxic positivity: being overly optimistic is also harmful

Motivational speeches and phrases such as "you can do anything", "sometimes you win, sometimes you learn", or "anything is possible if you believe in yourself" are easily assimilated by the masses (regardless of whether they improve results or not), they are very well received messages by anyone.

However, sometimes the way to mental health is to validate all our emotions (whether they are more or less unpleasant). (whether they are more or less unpleasant), and not denying human Pain by forcing a false joy that is sometimes not genuine.

And the big brands have known this for a long time: people are more likely to buy anything if it makes them smile, even if it is not necessary..

The commoditization of happiness

Extreme optimism encourages impulse buying and consumerism.

And that is the basis of the market for self-help books, many pseudosciences and merchandising of mugs and T-shirts with well-intentioned phrases like: smile, it is the solution to all your problems (but it is not always). It is a cheap and accessible anesthetic, and sometimes it is just another product.

In addition to appearing harmless, it is very accessible: in many cases it ensures a small immediate mood boost (a behavioral reinforcement), even though it rarely improves our lives in the long term, beyond the mere placebo effect.

Social pressure to hide problems

Some people can become "hooked" on motivational phrases, quotes from famous personalities, authentic dogmas such as "it is forbidden to give up", which they not only try to apply to themselves (regardless of their specific situation or individual context), but also pressure others around them to jump on the bandwagon of the new mentality.

The fact is that external pressure can be very external pressure can be very strong and can sometimes be tactless, promoting unempathetic reactions to the new mentality.This can lead to unempathetic reactions to the suffering of others: "you are not trying hard enough", "you have to believe in yourself", "courage, strong people always get up".

And with this tactless speech, other people can be put in a very difficult dilemma: either you follow me, or you are a weak person. "Being happy is very easy, and if you are not getting it right away, it is because you are doing it wrong."

With the doctrine of "all your happiness depends on you" is also implicit the message "all your suffering depends on you".. The logical conclusion is that if I suffer it is my fault.

With this philosophy of life, many people forget that context matters, and not all people can achieve the same goals using the same methods.

Denying suffering or obstacles

The discourse of extreme positivity forces people to put on rose-colored glasses through which they only see a part of realityThe sweetest part, that of the victories, the learnings, the gains, the joy. At the same time, it denies the "ugly" part of reality: not so pleasant emotions, such as sadness, anger or fear.

In a very unscientific way, they are labeled as "negative emotions", and the message is implicitly made that they are "bad emotions", and that we should avoid feeling them, because they are always bad for us.

This approach (almost sectarian in some cases) creates an alternative reality in people's minds, where there are no problems or obstacles, and where willpower and willpower are the only way to overcome them.and where willpower and desire are the only things you need to succeed in life and achieve everything you set your mind to.

In this false omnipotence, one forgets that suffering is just another part of life, and that less pleasant emotions also have an evolutionary function, and that recognizing and expressing them is essential for our survival and our mental health.

Because, no matter how much one puts on "happiness glasses", problems and obstacles will still be there, and if we deny and exclude emotions such as fear, we will still have to face them, we will not be able to make sensible decisions to protect ourselves or take precautions against the real risks and dangers of life. risks and dangers of life.

The infantilization of life

In this skewed view of life taken to extremes, a person can become very infantilized.

He denies himself the opportunity to face problems in a mature adult manner: to accept difficulties and frustration, to sustain pain with dignity, and to mobilize our resources for the better. In an optimistic, of course, but realistic way, and not forgetting that to overcome many difficulties we will need some strategy.

And a very bitter truth for many people: things are not always going to turn out as we would like them to, because we do not have the necessary resources, or simply because of bad luck.

Desire is not always everything, the context matters.. Simply put, not everyone can be an astronaut, and there is nothing wrong with that, nor does it take away from the meaning of life.

Lack of empathy: forced smiles

Sadly, when some people encounter misfortune or a bitter event (an illness, a financial failure, the death of a loved one) , sometimes people indoctrinated by toxic positivity start firing off motivational phrases from lectures or books, as if they were from conferences or books, as if they were programmed robots.

It is not pleasant to see other people suffer, and sometimes we can tend to force the other person to be cheerful right away, because we think it is wrong for them to suffer.

Again, there are very good intentions, but often the best thing to do is to help the person validate their emotions and give them the space they need. The person will improve as they integrate the experience, but at their pace, not ours.

Absolute and indoctrinating messages

It is easy to recognize many of these messages. They are absolute, polarized, speaking in all-or-nothing terms, trying to describe reality in statements carved in stone, admitting no nuances or shades of gray.They are absolute, polarized, speaking in all-or-nothing terms, trying to describe reality in statements carved in stone, without admitting nuances or shades of gray.

There is much repetition of the imperative formulation, as if it were an order, and the dangerous "you should" and "you must", transforming mere opinions into absolute mandates, such as: "you have to be strong".

This ideology is often associated with values such as freedom, but does not usually leave much room for choice.

Don't smile if you don't want to

Nothing is black and white. Of course it is important to put optimism in our lives to move forward, to have hope, to believe in ourselves and in our abilities and resources.

Equally important is to recognize that we are not omnipotent.While many things will cost us more or less, sometimes the smartest option will be to withdraw in time and try again next time with a better strategy, or even to discard an overly ambitious idea altogether.

There is nothing wrong with feeling sad, angry or scared sometimes. In certain circumstances, it is simply the adaptive and healthy thing to do.

On many occasions, when expressed in the right measure, these emotions can save our lives. (as they have been doing for thousands of years, ever since the first Homo sapiens scampering across the plains).

There are worlds of distance between these basic and natural emotions and a depressive, anxious or pathological anger disorder.

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