Toxic siblings: 10 problematic sibling conflicts

Sibling relationships can explode like wildfire if you don't learn how to manage them.

It is well known that family is extremely important in our lives.. It is an essential socializing agent for our development. In fact, at an early age, the family is vital for survival, because human beings need the help of adults for a relatively long period of time.

Moreover, its relevance does not end there; the role of parents is essential for us to grow up healthy and prepared to face the problems that may arise throughout our lives, even when we are already largely autonomous.

But parents are not the only important family figure for us; when they are present, siblings are also usually there in good times and bad. However, there are times when this sibling relationship can become toxic. In this article, we will talk about the entrenched conflicts that can arise between siblings, and the concept of "toxic siblings"..

A sibling is a friend given by nature

Siblings not only share our genes, culture, education or social class, they also share the vast majority of experiences that happen to us within the family and live the same events that we do.

However, each person is unique and has his or her own individuality, each person is unique and has his or her own personality. Two siblings raised under the same roof may develop different ways of behaving, yet both share the same memories and experiences.

Siblings are people you trust, who will rarely turn their back on you; they can become our best friends. As the French poet and writer Ernest Legouve says, "a brother is a friend given by nature".

When the relationship between siblings is not good

But but sibling relationships can also be complicated.. From an early age, fights can be frequent, and as adults, some siblings can end badly for various reasons, for example, financial issues. Complicated sibling relationships can become very intense and generate situations in which hostility, rivalry, competitiveness, jealousy and sometimes hatred can manifest themselves.

When a sibling thinks he/she is treated differently by the parents, when he/she thinks he/she is the black sheep of the family or when he receives a shared inheritance and does not have the same opinion as his other sibling about what they should do with a property they have inherited, the battle can be very destructive.

Reasons for conflicts between siblings

Whether in childhood or in adulthood, there are many reasons that cause these sibling disputes. Below you can find a list of reasons why siblings have toxic relationships:

1. economic reasons

In adulthood, it may happen that siblings stop talking to each other for various financial reasons. Some siblings fight because they share a business, and when cash flow problems occur, the relationship suffers. Others, on the other hand, experience a patrimonial quarrel (especially over inheritances). Financial reasons are a frequent source of family breakdown if one does not know how to manage these conflicts.

2. Seeking attention

At an early age, it can happen that siblings are constantly fighting because they seek attention. fighting because they seek the attention of their parents.. Generally, they tend to be tantrums that do not escalate, but on other occasions, the relationship can become conflictive, as the accumulation of conflicts can generate major conflicts.

3. Parental comparisons

Sometimes it is the parents who generate insecure children. Children who, in one way or another, will seek the attention of their elders in order to feel loved. One of the children may be very good at school, because he or she is good at the subjects taught at school, whether it is mathematics or social studies. On the other hand, the other child may be very talented, for example, at drawing or dancing.

The latter sibling will need parental affection to develop the passion he or she treasures, but, as is often the case, some parents only look at school grades, some parents only look at school grades when assessing a child's success.. Such a child may feel very frustrated, which may lead to some rivalry with the other sibling as he or she feels slighted.

4. Unequal parental treatment

Comparisons between siblings are not good, but it is also not good not to treat children equally. This can happen, for example, with the clothes their parents buy them, the amount of money they give them for their weekly allowance or even the amount of love (hugs, kisses, etc.) that parents give out. Children are especially sensitive to this type of parental behavior, therefore, you should go with the child's parents in mind.Therefore, care should be taken not to treat one child better than another.

5. Age difference

It seems that the age difference can determine conflicts. Research shows that children who are less than two years apart often have more conflict than children less than two years apart. more often have more conflict than children who are older than two years apart.

The older sibling, whether a boy or girl, is usually more loving and understanding toward the younger sibling. If the older sibling has a significant age difference, he or she may be able to understand some of the reasons why the younger sibling is reacting in a certain way.

6. Developmental stage

Developmental stage can also play a role in generating conflict. For example, the siblings may have had a better relationship at school age, but by the time they reach high school and the stage of change, the older sibling becomes somewhat disengaged from the relationship with the younger sibling. The younger sibling, in this case may seek the older sibling's attention through quarrelling..

7. Personal possessions

Another reason for sibling fights to start is when someone touches the other's personal possessions. At younger ages it may be a toy, but in adolescence it may be a piece of clothing. This can lead to conflicts, especially if the object they have borrowed without warning is damaged..

8. Different personalities

We all have different personalities and interests and this can generate many conflicts. Some people are more easily irritated than others, some are introverted, others extroverted, and so on. The clash of personalities can lead to serious disputes in fraternal relationships. in fraternal relationships.

9. Deficit of social skills

If in some occasions it is the personality that causes the conflict, in others, it is the lack of social skills. Conflicts can arise in any interpersonal relationship, but a good mastery of social skills can a good command of social skills can help that conflict to be solved correctly.. Otherwise, it can end up even worse.

The ability to solve their own problems and conflicts, empathy or the ability to negotiate and dialogue, among others, are factors that influence how family problems are solved. Parents have a lot to say here.

10. Jealousy and envy

Jealousy and envy can be a source of conflict in sibling relationships at any age.. Sometimes it is the insecurity of one of the siblings what causes this situation, since this one can feel a tremendous feeling of frustration when seeing that his brother has a better job or a spectacular partner.