Troubled love: dependence, jealousy and social networks

Relationships can end up degenerating into a source of discomfort.

From the time we acquire the first notions of what is going on around us, we begin to hear the term "love". Love for family, for friends, for children... the idea of a romantic love as a couple with which all the movies end, being happy and eating partridge, is promoted.

But the reality is not as the cinema, and especially the most infantile one, wants to sell it to us. That is why the first relationships that appear in puberty are the first frustrations, when facing reality with that idealized world.

On the other hand, we cannot deny that social networks are part of our present and that they determine, more and more strongly, our relationships with others and with the world. Far from bringing us closer to the reality of love, social networks show what we want others to perceive of ourselves and reinforce the idea of reflecting learned models of love in couples and happiness. and reinforce the idea of reflecting learned models of what is love in a couple and happiness.

But the continuous and indiscriminate exposure of our intimacy and movements generates in some couples a situation of control. generates in some couples a situation of control full of insecurities and mistrustWhere irrational jealousy appears, the problematic love begins to give its first signs.

What is toxic love?

The problematic love, or toxic love, is the one in which the need for control and jealousy become the basis of the relationship, where tears add up to a lot of tears.where tears add up to more than smiles and happiness itself depends on the partner. This type of relationship wears down the self-esteem, the individual's own identity and fosters an erroneous learning of what a couple relationship is, whose bond becomes difficult to break.

Falling in love is an emotional state in which happiness invades us, the desire to share more time with our partner increases, we feel valued and loved, but sometimes these sensations are increasingly limited to share them with feelings of deep sadness, anguish, anxiety and sadness. feelings of deep sadness, anguish and fear.. In the midst of these intense emotions, it is difficult to be aware of the reality of what is happening in order to put an end to this dangerous spiral. to put an end to this dangerous spiral.

Emotional dependency

When we speak of a pathological emotional dependence, we are referring to the strong bond that is established with the partner, so that in his absence negative emotions appear. The fear that the relationship will end, the anguish produced by the separation, obsessive thoughts related to the partner and a continued discomfort when not with the other person.

When this happens the person feels incomplete without the partner, renounces himself/herself and loses the value of his/her own identity, desires and needs for the benefit and under the approval of the other. for the benefit and approval of the other. This type of toxic relationship leads to low self-esteem, reflected in irrational fears and insecurities about oneself.

When your well-being depends on another person, the fear of ending the relationship is not so much because of the things that unite you and make you happy together, but because without that person, who is your everything, you are left with nothing.

This is an increasingly common problem that leads the person, once he/she is aware of the discomfort that his/her relationship causes him/her, to to go to a psychologist, where we try to promote autonomy, self-esteem and the development of correct social skills and conflict resolution.. In addition, with cognitive-behavioral therapy we work with the ideas and misconceptions about love and relationships.

Jealousy and social networks

Obsessive jealousy is an increasingly common problem in young couples who see these controlling emotional responses as a way to control their partner. who see these emotional responses of excessive control as signs of love.

While jealousy in a relationship is a sign of what we care about and allows, through trust, to establish limits in the relationship in which both are in agreement and favors a healthy relationship, when these are irrational and obsessive can lead to the discomfort of the one who suffers them for the anxiety and fear that produces them, as well as to the person who suffers them.and the person who suffers them, leading to the destruction of the couple.

Pathological jealousy is related to insecurities, mistrust, the need for possession and fear of breaking up, caused by low self-esteem and a wrong idea of what love is. Jealous people suffer from psychological suffering that prevents them from enjoying the relationship beyond looking for reasons to justify those thoughts that generate distrust in their partner.

Social networks have appeared as the weapon that feeds the jealous person and their need for control. Photographs, stories, thoughts, ideas, the place where he/she is at any given moment, are some of the information posted on social networks, where interpretation and imagination can lead to the confirmation of irrational ideas. Control over the time you are online, a "like" to a photo, who he follows in the networks, as well as taking the cell phone to see private conversations that limit the intimacy, privacy and freedom of the other person.

This turns the relationship into fear, and fear leads to lies in order to avoid discussions and when these lies are discovered, they reinforce the distrust previouslyThese lies are discovered; they mean reinforcing the previously irrational mistrust and now with arguments.

This vicious circle becomes self-destructive, where love is not enough, where mistrust and suffering increase in a labyrinth with no way out where the breakup hurts too much but being together makes them unhappy.

The importance of reacting to the first problems

There are many couples who go to therapy when the wear and tear has already dried up to the roots of the relationship and the only thing left is to save themselves individually and begin to accept that it is over. It is advisable to go to therapy when the first indicators appear. that the relationship is not healthy and jealousy is increasingly conditioning the couple's relationship. For this, it is necessary to work individually on self-esteem, fears and irrational beliefs that generate obsessive jealousy to make way for well-being.