Values as life directions

Values are fundamental elements in defining a life path.

Have you ever asked yourself if you live the life you want to live? What matters to you in life? How do you want to be?

These are questions we don't ask ourselves very often and they depend on how reflective we are. We let ourselves get swept up in the pace of life we lead, without realizing how we live and what is really important to us.

This personal reflection on the life we want to live is essential to take the reins of our life and to direct us in the direction we want to go..

What are values?

From the infancy, our parents are transmitting to us different messages that we are internalizing each one of us. For example, "you have to be generous and to share the toys". Thanks to these messages, We learn what actions are important and define us as a person..

These actions that define what is really important to us are our values. They are our principles, they guide and motivate us in life. They tell us how we want to be, how we want to relate to the world, and what is truly worthwhile. and what is really worthwhile for each of us.

Values are chosen life directions, our compass points, they determine where we want to go, where we want to orient our journey.

As a direction is not something that has no end, that can be reached, a value is never exhausted, it never comes to an end.. So, if one of my values is to be a healthy person, I will always be able to do things in line with that value. Like, for example, eating a balanced diet, exercising, having healthy habits, and so on.

This never comes to an end, not by exercising for a season will you have achieved that value (you have been able to achieve a goal, for example running a marathon).

Steven Hayes, in his book Get out of your mind, get into your lifetalks about values using the metaphor of the "bus of your life". In this journey, you are the driver of that bus. Passengers (emotions, memories, thoughts, sensations...) will get on the bus and try to block your journey, wanting to go in a direction opposite to your values. Sometimes we get carried away by them, leading a lifestyle or making decisions that don't make us feel good. But they are not the ones in control of the bus, it is you who decides in which direction you are going to go, where your life is going to go, regardless of the passengers that accompany you.regardless of the passengers that accompany you on the trip.

A value is not a feeling, for a feeling can be had, but a value cannot be had as if it were an object. It is not in the future, it is not a result, nor a desire, nor a goal to be reached.

Goals lead us in the direction of our values.. They are our road maps, the "visible" part of the values, that is, the elements, things, situations that can be reached.

Setting goals and objectives helps us to stay on track.. To do this, we would first identify and clarify our values, then we would set goals and objectives in line with the values and, finally, we would define the actions we need to take to achieve those goals.

Exercises to identify values

As we have said, in order to live a valuable life, we must act according to our values. The problem comes when we do not know how to identify what those values are..

Therefore, the first step is to identify and clarify our values in the different areas of our life. This work in therapy can be done through the following exercises.

1. Attend your own funeral

Before we begin, this is not a morbid exercise. The purpose of this exercise is to discover the way in which you would like to be remembered, as this can give you information about how you would like to be remembered.The purpose of this exercise is to discover how you would like to be remembered, as this can give you information about what you value and what is important to you.

Reflect first on what you fear they might say to you. Then think about what a loved one might say to you and what you would like them to say. What things would you like to hear? Sometimes when people are buried, they write an epitaph, what phrase would you like on your gravestone?

2. Imagine you are 80 years old

To do this exercise you have to imagine you are 80 years old and look back at your life as it is today.. Once you have done this, finish the following sentences:

• I spent too much time worrying about... .
• I spent too little time doing things like.....
• If I could go back in time ....

3. Ten areas of value

This consists of discovering your values in the following areas: marriage/partnership/intimate relationships; children; family relationships (other than nuclear family); friends/social relationships; career/employment; education/training/personal growth/development; leisure/fun, spirituality, citizenship; health and wellness.

By doing this exercise you can become aware of the areas that are really important to you and those that are not. If there is an area in which you find no value, you can leave it blank. There are no right or wrong answers, since there are no better or worse values.

Conclusion

It is convenient to that each one of us work on our values, on how we want to be, in what direction we want to take our lives..

Thanks to this, we motivate ourselves to change, we take action by setting short and long term objectives and goals that give us meaning, direction and make us feel comfortable with them and with ourselves because they are in line with our values.

If you would like us to accompany you in this process of clarifying and living according to your values, do not hesitate to contact us.