What are personal insecurities and how can you deal with them?

Let's look at what personal insecurities are and how they impact our emotional balance.

Personal insecurities cause that, every day, millions of people not only do not plan to achieve significant goals for them, but also believe that they feel bad for the simple fact of thinking about achieving them. That is why they are a psychological problem frequently addressed in psychotherapy.

Here we will talk about what personal insecurities are and how they influence us..

Understanding the basics of self-esteem

To understand what personal insecurities consist of, first it is necessary to know how to locate this psychological phenomenon in the broader concept of "self-esteem".

Self-esteem is understood to be the set of beliefs and ideas that we associate with the concept of "I" and the emotions and feelings that these elements generate in us.. In other words, self-esteem is how we feel in relation to what we believe we know about ourselves as individuals.

If we go into more detail on this subject, we will see that self-esteem is composed of these elements:

• Stimuli registered by sensory organs and perceptual processes.
• Self-concept (textual information generated by the person's mind)
• Emotional charge (emotions and feelings linked to the other elements of self-esteem).
• Social referents with which we compare ourselves

On the other hand, self-esteem can be more or less adjusted to reality, and it causes problems when it is not. In this sense, personal insecurities arise when our self-esteem tends to be lower than it should be. and generates in us a discomfort that paralyzes us and is an obstacle when it comes to improving and progressing in some aspect of our lives.

What exactly are personal insecurities?

Personal insecurities or personal complexes are a series of limiting beliefs about the "I", which lead us to magnify our imperfections. lead us to magnify our imperfections and are an unnecessary limitation in the way we live our lives.. That is, they are beliefs that anchor us to a low self-esteem so as not to test certain personal limits that we see as inevitable, linked to our essence as individuals.

An example of personal insecurities is a woman who, because of how she perceives her oz, assumes that everyone will make fun of her and therefore does not try to make friends. Another example: a man who, being the person in his group of friends who earns the least, assumes he has no authority to talk about anything when he is with them.

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What to do about discomfort caused by personal insecurities?

Each case of problems due to personal insecurities has its own combination and causes, and the proposed solutions must be adapted to these and to the characteristics of the person who suffers them. But beyond this fact, there are some general tips that usually help in situations of this type. Let's see what they are.

1. Do not opt for avoidance or rumination.

Two of the least emotionally healthy ways of managing insecurities consist of two apparently opposite attitudes. On the one hand, there are those who try to keep totally out of their consciousness those stimuli and thoughts related to their personal insecurities..

On the other hand, there are those who, consciously or unconsciously, become so obsessed with the subject that they think about it constantly. think about it constantly, either byThey either fantasize about being a person totally free of these supposed defects or nurture tragic thoughts about how they are, the rejection that they hypothetically cause in others, etc.

In reality, these two ways of experiencing personal insecurities are very similar, because both give them more strength, more prominence, and make us pay more attention to them.and make us pay more attention to them, as well as seeing them as something over which we have no control (because it is impossible to "block" thoughts).

As we will see, the appropriate ways to overcome personal insecurities is to accept their existence in the present, as well as the discomfort they generate, but without giving them more power than they have.

2. Detect the personal and media relationships that may be feeding them.

Personal insecurities almost never have causes outside the sufferer's social environment.. Many times the media feed them by claiming beauty standards and a media version of celebrities that are totally unattainable.

Something similar can happen with certain friendship relationships, especially when unfair criticism is used under the guise of honesty.

Knowing how to detect these problematic aspects is important to neutralize their influence on us.We can either expose ourselves less to them or, in the case of friends, confront them about this fact in order to demand that they stop adopting this toxic attitude.

3. Distinguish between what you can change and what you cannot change

Behind many personal insecurities there are aspects of oneself that we cannot change, and others that can be improved. Establish a list of each of these aspects, making them fall into two different categories, and then select the most important ones from each category.and then select the most important of those that you see that you can change in the short or medium term. In this way you will be able to set specific goals to achieve it and, seeing your progress, you will have the necessary motivation to face the rest.

4. Question the stereotypes behind insecurities.

It is very common for personal insecurities to be fueled by stereotypes that circulate across cultures.. For example, ideas behind classism and "so much you have, so much you get" or gender roles keep many people in situations of submission and apparent inability to overcome certain limits of personal development.

4. If you need it, go to therapy

If you see that nothing seems to work, the best option is that you attend psychotherapy for personalized psychological support tailored to you.

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you are interested in starting a psychological therapy process for an emotional problem or psychological disorder that may be affecting you, please contact us.

At Avance Psychologists we have more than two decades of experience in the sector, and we attend people of all ages. Our services include individualized psychotherapy, family therapy, couples therapy, sexology, speech therapy, coaching, neuropsychology and psychiatry. In addition, sessions can be conducted in person at our center in Madrid or through the online modality by video call.