What does it mean to dream about your ex?

What can dreaming about an ex-partner mean? What are the psychological implications?

In psychology there has always been interest in knowing the meaning of dreams. Authors such as Freud and Jung tried to elucidate what the symbols that one can see in one's own dream world might represent.

Many patients, concerned about what they have witnessed while immersed in that world that only seems to present itself in the deepest part of the dark night, wonder: what does it mean to dream about your ex?

While this does not necessarily mean that we are obsessed with our exes, it is worth noting that it may have certain implications, which we will see below.

What does it mean to dream about your ex-partner?

As Calderón de la Barca said several centuries ago, 'life is a dream and dreams are dreams', that is to say, our daily reality and the world that is projected when we go to sleep are not so separate from each other. They seem to interact in one way or another, the daytime needs and desires being daytime but subconscious needs and desires represented in a more symbolic way in our dreams. in our dreams.

Psychoanalysis, with the help of authors such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, tried to elucidate the possible meaning of the dream world, looking for any clue that could explain both the psychopathology of their patients and possible problems whose cause did not seem to be earthly. They came to the conclusion that dreams represent aspects of our lives that are stored in the subconscious mind, and that we cannot find an explanation for them.and that we cannot find a solution to them while we are awake.

This is why dreaming of an ex can be interpreted as something especially worrisome, especially if we are already dating a new partner. The fact that our former boyfriend or girlfriend appears in our dreams, as if it were a ghost, causes us dread because we can interpret it as an indicator that we are not comfortable with our partner or that we are still in love or even obsessed by our previous relationship.

Although psychoanalysis has contributed to psychology taking shape, and its vision of the dream world is made from a relatively scientific perspective, there is no empirical evidence that the psychoanalytic postulates about dreams are true, although they are certainly interesting.

• You may be interested in "How to get over a breakup?"

When does it become something worrisome?

Dreaming about an ex is not something as dramatic as it might seem at first.. Although it can be interpreted as a sign that we are not over that relationship, the truth is that these types of dreams are very common, even when we are happily married to the love of our life. There are many reasons that may be behind this phenomenon, without necessarily being a matter of concern.

The problem comes when these types of dreams become very frequent. We are not talking about, in a punctual moment, while we are sleeping, dreaming about that high school girlfriend or boyfriend, our first love, the first kiss or the last time we saw one of our previous relationships. To dream of an ex repeatedly is synonymous that something could go wrong with our current partner, and we should try to find a solution.

The main reason may be that, being in the current relationship, we feel lack of affection or we are going through love problems.These motives make us think of relationships that, although they have already had their outcome, at some point in their history, were happier than the situation in which we find ourselves now.

However, there is another reason that is radically opposite to the previous one. The reason why we are presented with our ex in dreams is not because we are living a current relationship worse than the previous one, but because the end of our previous love affair ended so badly, that there are still wounds to be healed. The outcome was so disastrous that, although we don't want that relationship to happen again, we do believe that we need to put it behind us. we need to set the record straight, in a way that is healthy for both former partners..

Another reason for this type of dream is insecurity. It is normal that, when we start dating a new partner, the relationship is not seen as something stable, even though love comforts us pleasantly and we live in a world of fantasy and color. The ghosts of past relationships and their failure, be it milder or more tragic, is something that influences the way we start a new relationship. Memories of our previous partners appear and make us think that, perhaps, this relationship will fail.

These memories make us aware of how unsuccessful our previous relationships were, no matter how healthy they were.They surface while we sleep, as an indicator that we are aware of the relationship and that there is a possibility that it will not go well. This can be bad, since it can make us believe that relationships are not our thing and that we will end up alone sooner or later, or very good, since it invites us to be cautious and avoid making the same mistakes as in the previous ones.

Dreaming of your ex making love

While you can dream of an ex in multiple ways and in varied contexts, to be copulating with him or her is something that especially attracts the attention of the individual who has had the dream. Given the obvious sexual nature of the dream, the doubts about how satisfied or satisfied one is in bed with one's current partner are not long in coming.

But, really, the meaning of this type of dream, more than just being sexually displeased with the current partner or that the previous relationship gave more pleasure in bed than we are dating now, is a little deeper. It may mean that you long to be intimate with that personIt may mean that you long for intimacy with that person, although it may be true that a part of you wants to consummate your more sexual and carnal desire. However, it may mean that we are not sexually satisfied with our current relationship.

It is normal to have erotic dreams about an ex, since that person has not passed through our lives as if he or she were just anyone. That person offered us stimuli, both sexual and other pleasurable stimuli, which, at the time the relationship broke up, have ceased to be received. These stimuli, like a drug, had hooked our brain. Being alone or with a new partner, we must try to accustom our mind to live without the sensual stimuli of the previous relationship..

Your ex and another person

Dreaming about an ex while making love is something that worries, but it turns out to be much more distressing to dream about that same person but while doing it with your new partner. It is unpleasant, on most occasions, to imagine how our ex, with whom we shared so much and with whom we gave a lot of intimacy, now lives as intimately as possible with another person who is simply not us.

We continue to maintain, unconsciously, a bond of relevance to that ex, despite the fact that the relationship has already ended.even though the relationship has already been broken off and we are in fact now linked to different people. Although we consciously know that we do not go out with him or her, the feeling of seeing him or her with someone else is one of jealousy.

What can we do?

As we were already saying, dreaming of an ex does not necessarily mean something bad, but it is worth trying to see what is the origin of this dream, especially if it becomes something recurrent and causes us discomfort once we open our eyes.

If the reason why our ex appears to us in dreams is that we consider that the relationship could have ended in a better way, it is not a bad option to try, after some time, to meet him or her again. The time is necessary so that, in case the breakup was especially traumatic, the most superficial wounds heal while those that we want to solve will become the reason why we want to see that person again.

It should be said that if we try to take this path, there can be two situations: either our ex does not want to know anything about us or something similar has happened to him/her, he/she wants to find a definitive and healthy solution to the tension and remain as friends or, at least, as adults who are able to talk and solve the problems.

On the other hand, if the cause of all this is insecurity or a situation of special tension with the current relationship, the best option is to to go to couple's therapy. Whether it is due to some kind of dissatisfaction in bed, or conflicts of various kinds, the best way to avoid comparing our relationship with a previous one while asleep is to go to a professional, and explain the content of the dreams, relating them to the situation through which the couple is going through.

It is possible that, depending on the psychological current of the professional, he/she may opt for a more symbolic vision, as psychoanalysis does, or he/she may approach it in a more scientific way, focusing on couple dynamics, presenting therapeutic programs that will take place both in the office and at home or in the space shared by both lovers.

Bibliographical references:

• Frígola, V. B. (2000). Ortega, Freud, psychoanalysis and the interpretation of dreams. Journal of the History of Psychology, 21(2), 631-658.