What is an emotional manipulator? The 6 characteristics and warning signs

These are the warning signs that we are facing an emotional manipulator.

In our closest environment there is always someone who uses emotional blackmail and all kinds of stratagems to get the people they say they love to do the unimaginable for them.

Emotional manipulators are people who, despite being very insecure inside, use the weaknesses and weak points of others to gain a position of dominance and influence other people to put their priorities ahead to satisfy their selfish desires, using them as puppets.

In the following we are going to see exactly what an emotional manipulator isWhat are their main characteristics and what to do to deal with them.

The emotional manipulator: what are their characteristics?

Emotional manipulators are people who use emotional blackmail strategies to get others to do what they want, as if they were their puppets. They convince and influence using their great oratory, being able to turn things around at their convenience and using psychological tricks, in addition to emotional exploitation, to control the will of the other.

Emotional manipulation occurs when the manipulative person tries to persuade others to tries to persuade others to do things that suit him or her alone, not those he or she is asking for the favor.. This behavior differs from social influence in that this behavior, which is healthy, is a normal behavior among people and is part of the give and take of all socially constructive human interaction. In psychological manipulation, on the other hand, a person profits at the expense of his or her victim.

Psychological manipulation can involve all sorts of socially inappropriate behaviors. Among them is knowing and taking advantage of the psychological weaknesses of his victim, in order to determine the most effective tactics to achieve his purpose. The manipulator has no qualms about causing physical or emotional harm to his victim or showing a high level of cruelty to get what he wants.

The manipulated person ends up being the victim of a situation that has led him or her to stop being the master of his or her own life.. He/she cannot do what he/she wants and puts the other person above his/her own needs and personal interests. Their self-esteem ends up being very low, their self-respect is nonexistent and they are insecure people who feel great sadness and dissatisfaction. Worst of all, they often justify their manipulator's behavior or even feel guilty about their situation.

Distinctive signs to detect it

There are several characteristics that characterize people who exercise emotional manipulation.

1. Little scruples

Emotional manipulators are people who usually do not have too many scruples to get what they want. Once they detect the weak point of their victim, they will not hesitate to take advantage of it by appealing to the most intense fears of their manipulated. Once they have achieved their goal, they will gradually make the victim fall into a dynamic in which he will end up renouncing his needs and values, sacrificing himself in order to put himself first.sacrificing himself in order to put those of the person manipulating him first.

2. Insecure

Although it may seem just the opposite, the truth is that manipulative people are very insecure and have very low self-esteem. They do everything they can to hide this weakness, hiding their fears, weaknesses and insecurities.

To do this, they use a wide repertoire of selfish and dominating behaviors, showing themselves superior to others, and making sure that those they want to manipulate see them as someone who possesses the absolute truth.. No one should know how insecure they are because, if it becomes known, their influence will fall like a house of cards.

3. Poor assertiveness

The manipulator's insecurity causes them to have serious assertiveness problems. It is difficult for them to say things clearly, although this is also a point that they use to their advantage.The fact that not saying what they want at first, using euphemisms and making detours, influences those who manage to manipulate. They use subtle means to get others to do what they want.

4. Low frustration tolerance

They do not tolerate frustration at all and do not take "no" for an answer. At the slightest moment they experience this emotion or perceive that there is something that jeopardizes their position built through lies and exaggerations and their status of dominance, they become alert or attack from their own position. they put themselves on alert or attack from the most extreme intolerance and the most cruel and destructive criticism to disavow. to disavow.

5. Victimhood

They resort to victimhood using all kinds of exaggerated behaviors and reproaching things they did not do. and reproaching things that have not happened or that are no big deal. They exaggerate health problems, show dependency and, if they see that the manipulated person tries to break free from their chains, they make themselves the most helpless and delicate victim. They may go so far as to say that their world will collapse if the person they manipulate leaves their side.

6. High level of demand

As a final characteristic of emotional manipulators we have that their level of demand is very high. The manipulator always wants more, without limit. He only thinks of himself and in a disproportionate way, wanting to satisfy his own ego through the manipulation of his victim. through the manipulation of his victim, without thinking for a moment about what the person he is asking for favors feels or wants. He feels powerful because it is as if he has a slave.

How to deal with an emotional manipulator?

The first thing we must do to confront an emotional manipulator is to become aware that we have rights and that we ourselves are people who are ahead of others in our list of priorities.

This should not be interpreted to mean that we should behave like emotional manipulators, but to understand that we have desires, rights and needs that come before those of anyone else. Before helping others we must do what we want ourselves.

We deserve respect and dignity. It is our right to express our opinions, feelings and desires as long as they are not hurtful and aggressive. If we do not want to do something, we have the right to say clearly and emphatically "no", we should not feel guilty about it. As we have already said, the manipulative person can react to this in a very bad way, but he/she must understand that this is the way it is. If what he/she asks of us means a great sacrifice for us, or even harms us, it is not wrong not to do it.

It is important to develop our assertivenessIt is important to develop our assertiveness by asking him/her clearly what he/she wants. Emotional manipulators are not at all direct in their requests, making detours that make us dizzy and capture us in their web of deceit. We must ask him clear questions about what he wants, try to clarify as much as possible what his intentions are, what he wants from us and what he wants us for. If he does not ask for something clearly and explicitly, do not give it to him. If he wants something, let him say so, but do not use your influence, do not give him that pleasure.

With the passage of time, the emotional manipulator will see that his techniques do not give results with us, and the most effective thing is that he has to make direct requests. These are much easier to refuse and less frustrating for us in case we do not agree. If we do not want to do this, we must express it clearly and explicitly.

If he has already manipulated us but we have realized later, something that will make us angry, we can use it to our own advantage. The situations in which emotional manipulators use their tricks are often very similar, so we can learn from the one in which he has achieved what he had set out to do. Thus, we can think of a response for the next time he tries again and use it to confuse him.

The presence of a third person can prevent the emotional manipulator from achieving his goal.. The manipulator knows that his behavior is socially incorrect, and will not have the courage to do it in front of a person he does not know. If he does so, he risks receiving a dose of reality, being ridiculed, showing his insecurity and demonstrating how badly he treats his loved ones. If even with this the emotional manipulator does not stop trying to manipulate us, at least we will have the objective opinion of a third person, whom we can ask for advice and use as a point of support to free ourselves.

Finally, the best way to avoid being manipulated is the most radical and obvious, but also the most delicate. It is to confront the person who manipulates us, telling them clearly that we are fed up with them abusing us, and that we are done with them.. The best way to do this, to confront an emotionally manipulative person, is to do it calmly, using logical arguments and, if he/she simply does not listen to reason, to leave, to put distance.

We should never resort to violence, neither physical nor verbal, since if we do so, he will have reasons later to try to manipulate us and use the crutch of "but remember what you did to me". We will not give him or her that satisfaction, much less when he or she has done even more damage to us.

Bibliographical references:

• DeGue, S. and DiLillo, D. (2005). "You would if you loved me": Toward an improved conceptual and etiological understanding of nonphysical male sexual coercion. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 10, 513-532.
• Van Dijk, T. (2006). Discurso y manipulación: discusión teórica y algunas aplicaciones. Revista Signos, 39(60): 49-74.
• Braiker, Harriet B. (2004). Who's Pulling Your Strings ? How to Break The Cycle of Manipulation. ISBN 978-0-07-144672-3.
• Simon, George K (1996). In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. ISBN 978-1-935166-30-6.