What to expect from couples therapy

Let's look at several keys to consider in order to know how couple's therapy works.

Let's imagine the following scenario based on the experiences of a couple: lately their arguments are frequent, leisure time as a couple has decreased, the atmosphere at home has become rarefied, they don't know how to reconnect, how to get closer to each other, sexual relations are conspicuous by their absence.... One day, after another argument, one of them says: "How about going to couple's therapy?

This is just one example of how two people involved in a relationship of this type can consider going to therapy. An option that is usually considered as a last resort to save the relationship.

At this point the couple may begin to seek help without knowing exactly what to expect.They simply want to try something new, something different to help them out of the situation in which they find themselves. But... What are the dynamics of the sessions? Why do we tend to think of couples therapy as a last resort? Could it be useful for couples who are not thinking of separating? Below, I will answer these questions.

What to expect from couples therapy?

Imagine the relationship as a Lego tower, which the two partners build together. Couples come to therapy for two reasons, to reestablish the bond (rebuild or fix the tower) or to break the bond (undo the tower).. That is, to continue or to stop. Therapy helps the couple to see where they are and to define their goals as a couple.

Therapy is an opportunity to rediscover yourselves as a couple, but it does not act as a magic wand. Both partners will take an active role in achieving those goals.The psychologist acts as a guide to achieve them.

In therapy, the different areas that affect the couple (communication, sexuality, leisure, common goals, lifestyle...) are explored and evaluated. In this way we can see what are the problem areas and what are the couple's strengths..

Once the assessment has been made and the objectives have been defined, it is time to work towards achieving them. That is, if the relationship were a Lego tower, first we observe what pieces we have, what we want to build, which of the pieces are damaged and need to be repaired, and finally what pieces are missing.... Did we have those pieces before, or have they always been missing?

What is the dynamic of the sessions?

Three "people" come to therapy, and I am not talking about the couple and the psychologist. We have the two members of the couple and the relationship itself.. Therefore, these three "individuals" must have their space in the sessions.

Most of the work will be done jointly, however, there will be individual sessions for each member of the couple. This does not mean that the psychologist takes sides with one of the partners, the focus is on achieving the couple's goals.will not take a position.

Why do we tend to think that couples therapy is the last resort?

This tends to happen not only in couples therapy, but also when people consult for other reasons. In general, we tend to exhaust all available resources and ideas before going to a professional..

When we talk about couple therapy, the crisis can be an opportunity to show what is making the Lego tower totter. Therefore, it is an opportunity to establish different dynamics that provide a solid, secure base, a new collaboration that generates a more stable and lasting relationship.

Could it be useful for couples who are not thinking of separating?

If you are building a tower, do you wait for it to crumble before you do anything, or do you slowly work on it? With a relationship it's the same, you don't need to wait until you're about to leave it.. The ability to communicate, create common goals, manage conflicts, adapt to life changes, among others, are basic tools that every couple can benefit from. We can focus on creating the tower in a healthy way, instead of waiting for it to collapse to start again.