Why are parents discussed during psychotherapy?

Why are psychologists so interested in the relationship we have with our parents?

In movies, books, anecdotes of people who have gone to psychological therapy... in the vast majority of accounts of what a psychotherapy session is like, fathers and mothers are mentioned and treated as part of the story.

Everyone is familiar with the cliché of the psychoanalyst and the couch asking about and interpreting the role of the mother and father in the patient's life.. This is not the usual way of working on this aspect nowadays, but it is true that it is talked about and deepened at some point in therapy.

In this article we will see the reasons why it is usual to dedicate a part of the therapy to talk about the primary caregivers of every human being, both the father and the mother.

Why do psychologists ask about fathers and mothers?

Parents are our first contact with affection.. We learn it from them, and it will be a determining factor in the quality of our future relationships both within the family and outside, in our adult life.

Higher self-esteem, better academic performance, better communication within the family and fewer behavioral problems have been related in several studies to affectionate and secure affection. On the other hand, children who have less loving or more fearful parents tend to have lower self-esteem and feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive or antisocial.

As parents, achieving a balance in the affection that is shown and the situations in which it is best to maintain a position of authority is an aspect to which it is vital to pay attention. is an aspect to which it is vital to pay attention.

Rules and limits

What we consider right and wrong, what to do and what not to do, are also details we first learn from our parents. In childhood we tend to have limits, rules and consequences that can influence us throughout our lives..

Are limits discussed with children or are they imposed without justification? Children need boundaries, care and attention, adolescents need freedom and guidance, and young adults need peace and privacy. Adults who were listened to, talked to properly and treated with patience as children tend to have better mental and emotional health.

Can only parents be role models?

Although parents are the adult reference figures for most people, this is not true in all cases. Teachers, coaches, siblings, social workers or psychologists can play this role, especially for people whose parents have not been able to care for them. can play this role as reference figures, especially for people whose parents have not been able or have not known how to take care of them. Blood relationship is not a requirement for this type of role.

Moreover, in a hyperconnected world, many new reference figures and role models can appear, among them the so-called "influencers" who can condition both people and their way of living together on a daily basis.

In psychotherapy, it is important to find out what these reference figures have been in the person's life in order to be able to go deeper into the problems of the present as well as into the healthy learnings that can help to improve the problematic situation.

To what extent are we influenced by parental figures?

As a general rule, and especially in societies surrounding the Mediterranean Sea, we want to stay close to our parents in some way when we are in our adulthood. Their opinion and how they make us feel can be of lifelong concern..

Therefore, it is again important to find a balance in which we make sure we build a relationship with them in which this influence is positive. Knowing the extent to which reference figures influence a person's adult life becomes crucial for therapy to move forward and for a collaborative relationship between therapist and patient to be formed.

Do family patterns tend to repeat themselves as adults?

Observe yourself, meditate on how you are similar to or different from your parents, find out what you would like to change and what you would like to repeat and gladly keep... If we do not ask ourselves these questions consciously, we are likely to repeat what we have learned, which is neither healthy nor positive..