Why being compassionate people requires courage and bravery
Compassion goes far beyond the feeling of pity: it allows us to mature emotionally.
Compassion is sometimes understood as a quality that makes us vulnerable, condescending to what we are, to what happens to us.We are condescending with what we are, with what happens to us. Something similar to "wringing one's hands". That is why, maybe the fact of stopping to think about a compassionate person brings to your mind images of people who are fragile or weak.
In the dictionary we can find the definition of compassion as a feeling of sadness that comes from seeing someone suffer and that impels us to alleviate their pain, suffering or to remedy or avoid it in some way. But really it is not only this.
The importance of compassion
In reality, compassion is not a feeling that is necessarily identified with sadness, but rather with feelings of courage, courage and respect for ourselves and others.Rather, it is a feeling of courage, bravery and respect for ourselves and others. It goes beyond our primal instincts.
In fact, for one of the pioneering researchers of self-compassion worldwide (Kristin Neff, 2003), compassion towards ourselves is based on:
- Being aware of and open to our own suffering.
- Being kind and not condemning ourselves
- Being aware of sharing experiences of suffering with others, rather than being ashamed or feeling alone, showing our common openness to humanity.
In addition, Compassion-Centered Therapy (CFT), devised by the British psychologist Paul Gilbertwas designed for people who presented complex and chronic mental problems derived from self-criticism, shame and who also came from conflictive environments.
That said, it seems then that the fact that we are not ashamed of what we think and feel about ourselves is one of the things that makes us courageous and brave people.. But there is much more behind compassion.
Emotional regulation systems
There is research that points out that our brain contains at least three emotional regulation systems to react to the things we perceive from the following systems (Paul Gilbert, 2009):
1. threat and self-protection system 2.
This system is the one in charge of detecting and responding quickly to This system is in charge of detecting and responding quickly to fight, flee, freeze, or face a situation, from anxiety, anger or disgust.. The fear of being harmed in some way would be its main fuel.
When this system is more activated than the others, we tend to relate to the world and the people around us seeking protection and security from possible threats to our physical or mental integrity. As if we were in danger.
For better or for worse, this is a primitive system that prioritizes threats over those that are not. prioritizes threats over pleasurable things (Baumeister, Bratlav (Baumeister, Bratlavsky, Finkenauer & Vhons, 2001), and it is clear that at the time when we lived surrounded by wild beasts ready to devour us, it was very useful.
2. Incentive and resource-seeking activation system
This system tries to offer us feelings that drive us to obtain resources in order to survive, thrive and satisfy our vital needs as human beings (Depue & Morrone - Morrone, 2005). (Depue & Morrone- Strupinsky, 2005)
It is a system that seeks to reward us with things like sex, food, friendships, recognition or comfort that activates the system of threat and protection when for some reason, we are blocked to get these things.
That is, this system helps and motivates us to satisfy our basic vital needs as social beings, but sometimes an excess of it can lead us to desire goals that we cannot achieve and disconnect us from what we can (Gilbert, 1984; Klinger 1977). As a result, we can feel frustrated, sad and overwhelmed when we feel that we are when we feel that we are involved to the maximum in our work or projects and things do not turn out as we expected.
3. Comfort, satisfaction and security system
This system helps us to provide peace of mind and balance in our lives.. When animals do not have to defend themselves from threats or necessarily achieve anything, they can be satisfied (Depue & Morrone-Strupinsky, 2005).
This system awakens feelings of satisfaction and security by making us feel that we do not need to fight to achieve something. we do not need to struggle to achieve something. It is an inner peace that generates feelings of absence of needs and increases connection with others.
Training ourselves in this system can turn us into compassionate people and can be very effective for our well-being. and can be very effective for our well-being.
The kindness, tranquility and security that we can perceive from our environment towards ourselves act on brain systems that are also associated with feelings of satisfaction and joy generated by hormones called endorphins.
Oxytocin is another hormone related (along with the enforphins) to feelings of security in social relationships that provides us with feelings of being loved, wanted, and safe with others (Carter, 1998; Wang, 2005).
In fact, there is increasing evidence that oxytocin is related to feelings of security in social relationships. oxytocin is related to social support and that it reduces stress, and that people with low levels of oxytocin are more likely to have low levels of it.and that people with low levels of oxytocin have high levels of stress response (Heinrichs, Baumgatner, Kirschbaum, Ehlert, 2003).
Why does being compassionate require courage and bravery?
Therefore, being courageous in relating to the world around us, in establishing relationships, in being open, in not rejecting or avoiding or pretending to care about other people's lives, may have to do with feeling good about ourselves, and may also prevent us from developing psychological pathologies in the future.. Because whether we like it or not, we are and remain social beings. And this is where compassion comes into play.
That is, thanks to this system of comfort, security and satisfaction, we can train ourselves to develop the qualities of compassion, and not be driven by primal instincts that seek to satisfy our desires and unsatisfied needs at all times. But for the latter, large doses of courage and bravery are needed..
Large doses of courage and bravery in the sense of being able to recognize to ourselves that in terms of well-being, it is better to give up sometimes what we desire (to let ourselves be carried away by systems based on threat or achievement), to give priority to what we truly value (system of comfort, satisfaction and security).
Bibliographical references
- Baumeister, R.F; Bratslavski, E; Finkeneauesr, C. y Vohs, K.D (2001) “Bad is stronger tan Good”, Review of General Psychology, 5: 323-370.
- Carter, C.S. (1998) “Neuroendocrine perspectives on social attachment and love”, Psychoneuroendocrinology, 23: 779-818.
- Depue, R.A y Morrone-Strupinsky, J.V. (2005) “A neurobehavioral model of affiliative bonding”, Behavioral and Brain Sciences , 28: 315-395.
- Gilbert, P. (1984) Depression: From Psychology to Brain State. Londres: Lawrence Erbaum Associates Inc.
- Heinrichs, M.; Baumgartner, T.; Kirschbaum, C. y Ehlert, U. (2003) “Social support and oxytocin interact to supress cortisol and subjetive response to psychosocial stress”, Biological Psychiatry, 54: 1389-1398.
- Wang, S. (2005). “A conceptual framework for integrating research related to the physiology of compassion and the wisdom of Buddhist teachings” en P.Gilbert (Ed.), Compassion: Conceptualisations, Research and Use in Psychotherapy (pp. 75-120). Londres: Bruner. Routledge.
(Updated at Apr 12 / 2024)