Why do I feel guilty about everything and how to stop doing it?

Some key ideas to understand the causes of the feeling of guilt that covers everything.

It is overwhelming the number of people who come to consultation with a great feeling of guilt, of which, sometimes, they are not even aware..

This is a self-generated emotion, based on the internal beliefs we have about what is right and what is wrong, comparing what we have done with what we should have done according to our scale of values. But, where does all this come from?

Causes of the fact of feeling guilty for everything.

We start from the premise that all the emotions are adaptive and fulfill a function inside us/as. When guilt is functional, it helps us to recognize our mistakes and repair them, and to carry out a learning process, so that we will not make them again in the future.

For this process to work, there is what is called the moral conscienceThis is a set of norms and values that we have been assuming and internalizing since we were children.. When guilt is functional, it helps us to recognize our mistakes and repair them, and to carry out a learning process, so that we will not make them again in the future.

For this process to work,

there is what is called the moral conscience moral conscience: it is a set of norms and values that we have been assuming and internalizing since we were children, to be able to have an ethic that guides us, differentiating what is right from what is wrong, to be able to set limits in our behavior and our way of thinking, and in those of others..

We learn all this through education in the family, at school, in religious beliefs, in the messages that reach us through the media... and the people around us become models for us.

But how do we know if this moral conscience is too rigid and is harming us?

• When we often feel that we overstep these limits and live almost daily with guilt, we may need to relax our moral conscience.
• The problem is that, in this trial, we ourselves are lawyers, judges and defendants; and in these circumstances, we can hardly ensure conditions that guarantee the objectivity of the "guilty verdict", so we punish ourselves without control and without measure.
• Thus, this guilt needs three main factors to take place:

The causal act, whether real or imaginary.The perception and negative self-valuation of this act, which, it is important to point out, are only ideas, and do not have to be real.

The negative emotion that appears after the two previous ones, in relation to guilt: remorse. This is the one that works as punishment, in the form of sadness, anguish, frustration, impotence, among others, and reiterative and unproductive thoughts. The feeling of habitual or permanent guilt may be affecting our self-esteem, since we tend to distort our self-esteem.We tend to distort reality, to have a limiting and wearing self-dialogue, and to build a negative self-concept.

When we talk about guilt, we are very close to concepts such as self-esteem, perfectionism, lack of self-confidence, self-censorship, fear, assertiveness, emotional regulation... Thus,

guilt is directly related to the majority of the most common emotional problems in our society.

It is difficult, on many occasions, to identify the cause or the consequence between them, since a vicious circle is established in the relationship between the two.

Examples Let's see some examples of this phenomenon."I consider myself a good mother, because I am always there if my son needs me: I take care of him, I play with him, I do the housework for him... But, one day, I feel sick and, obviously, I can't do everything I normally do: I need to stay in bed and rest. Then, I start to think that I am a bad mother, because I am neglecting him, it is my obligation to be there for him".

In this case, by interpreting this situation in this way, the person will feel anguish, anxiety and anxiety,

the person will feel anguish, frustration and guilt.

. But do you think it is fair or right?

"I have a partner, and I am always making plans with him, having practically left out other people. One day, my friends suggest a plan that I've been wanting to do with them for a long time, and of course, I join them. I immediately start to think that I'm a bad girlfriend for abandoning my partner. In this case, the person will also feel guilty. Do you think this is healthy, or in line with reality?.

How can we stop feeling so guilty about everything?

• Of course, many other beliefs come into play that need to be worked on, but the key is to differentiate responsibility from guilt.
• the key is to differentiate responsibility from guilt.

If we take responsibility for our actions and accept our limitations and all that we do not have under our control, we will be able to adapt based on the learning from our experience, and change what is best for us and for others: Guilt speaks of us as a global person; it is a determining and immovable judgment, so it blocks us, leaving us no option to change.Responsibility makes it easier for us to concretize and take charge of something determined, allowing us to change or modify what we need or believe convenient.

In conclusion,