Why the sandwich technique may be the least assertive way to give a critique

The sandwich technique is a widely used form of criticism, but it has its drawbacks

The sandwich technique is one of the most famous psychological tools, and one of the most used and one of the most widely used.

Just type its name in any internet search engine, and you will get thousands and thousands of results in psychology, emotional intelligence, communication, sales, marketing, etc. blogs. But... does it really work?

What is the sandwich technique?

The famous sandwich technique is used when we want to communicate a criticism or ask someone to change their behavior. As we do not want the other person to be offended or defensive, we "wrap" the original message in other good things about the person, before and after the main message.

For example:

I can see that you are a very committed person to your work, but I think sometimes you can get a little too strict with your colleagues, and that makes us feel overwhelmed; I'm sure you'll improve it right away, but you are a crack, and we all like you great.

It's an easy technique to explain and simple to remember, and a very good way to be more assertive and improve our people skills.

Disadvantages of applying it to communication

In many cases of therapy, it is a very good technique for people who have special difficulties in saying "no" or setting clear limits in potential or set clear limits in potentially abusive situations (in the family, at work, in the couple, etc.).

However, not everything is rosy with the famous sandwich technique. In this article I tell you how in some occasions, the sandwich technique can be the worst way to be assertive.

It fosters fear of criticism

Using the sandwich technique implies that you believe your original message is bad. Is criticism always negative? This is a basic assumption of the technique.

Since I believe that making a criticism or a request to change behavior to another person is annoying or even aggressive in and of itself, I think I "need" to camouflage my original message among a pile of bread. Are criticisms without the bread always destructive?

Diverting attention from what we really mean - is that assertiveness?

I've met people who are really obsessed with the sandwich technique, and they can be very overwhelming to deal with.

They're constantly having to go round and round in circles about almost everything, always worrying about the myriad ways the other person might take their messages the wrong way..

You can end up overthinking, trying hard to divert attention from your original message, and wasting both people's time on top of it.

Isn't this another form of the passivity that the assertive communication style is intended to avoid? We can evidence our latent social awkwardness if we abuse the sandwich.

Constant fear of rejection

Obsessing about always using the sandwich technique may also indicate that we are very afraid of possible rejection by the fear of possible rejection by the other person, and worrying too much about it. We also worry a lot about it.

How do I start by telling him/her that the clothes he/she is wearing today look great, but what if I seem too superficial? I'd better start by congratulating him for the presentation he gave last month, which we still remember, and then I tell him about the layoff, and finish by saying that we loved working with him, but that....

The truth is that, putting so much effort in the way we "dress" our message, we can also be perceived as artificial, superficial, fake, false. It may also indicate a belief that if the other person is offended, it is the sender's responsibility.

The truth is that, often, no matter how much sugar we put on something, it is up to the other person to receive the message with maturity and a cool head. And that no matter how many layers of bread and pillows no matter how many layers of bread and pillows we put on, the other person can still be offended and upset.

It's simply not up to us how the other person takes things. That's their own process.

People are not made of glass

Another basic assumption of the technique is that people always resent suggestions for improvement and that in order to be a good communicator or a very assertive person, we have to sugarcoat everything.

The truth is that constructive criticism can be made with respect, from the beginning, without "so much bread", and saying things in a direct way.

Of course, depending on the context and the history we have with that person, it will be very useful to "soften" the ground and do our part so that the other person does not become defensive (if it is a particularly sensitive issue) and do our part so that the other person does not become defensive (if it is a particularly sensitive issue).

However, it is not mandatory. What's more, sometimes they will be very grateful to us for having "gone to the point". I insist, direct criticism can be made in a very respectful way, without the need to wrap everything in bubble wrap.

Sometimes, simply, the sandwich technique is not necessary to have a conversation between two adults, who know that they don't have to take it as a joke.who know that they don't have to take certain criticisms as personal attacks.

Psychotherapy online and in Valencia

If you think that your way of communicating is worsening your quality of life, the best thing you can do is to stop reading articles and take action by going to therapy. take action by going to therapy. If you want to make an appointment with me, visit this page.