Why willpower is not always enough in the face of psychological problems.

A reflection on why overcoming psychological problems is more than having willpower.

We can understand "willpower" as that social construct that is so often referred to, very much like "good attitude," "working hard for something," or "putting your Heart into things.".

In recent years, there has been much promotion of an attitude of positivity that sometimes goes to the extreme, reducing the likelihood of success in any endeavor to a mere matter of "putting the will" into things.

Most people don't have a problem with their "willpower."

The reality is that many people with psychological problems of any kind have perfectly normal willpower capacity, very good attitude, etc. Managers of large companies who develop anxiety problems or cocaine addiction, mothers and fathers of families.

Would you say that people in charge of a large organization or a family have little willpower? Most of us would answer a resounding "No" for an answer, because to do what they do on a daily basis, it takes a lot of that social construct called "willpower".

So, the source of the psychological problems that these people may have in their specific context does not seem to be their lack of willpower..

A posture of blame

Many people who come to therapy (for almost any issue), when asked what they believe to be the source of their problems, relate that it must be their willpower, they relate that it must be their willpower, that they are not strong people, and that they have come to therapy to "learn how to be stronger"..

Due to socialization, many people come to therapy with these positions of self-blame, low self-esteem, low sense of self-efficacy.

These situations could also be explained from the perspective of the negative internal locus of control. This means that, in the face of certain events, the person has a tendency to point to him/herself as the main responsible for the events and their results, but mostly when the events are negative, and very rarely with victories or positive results.

Explained in a more colloquial way, the person's internal dialogue can often be along the lines of "I am weak", "it's all my fault", "if I were different, everything would be different", "I have no willpower", or "I didn't try hard enough, that's why this happened". But things are often much more complex than a simple question of "wanting to"..

Not everything is a matter of desire

Yes, motivational phrases can encourage us and make us feel good at certain times. In many cases, in a very subtle way, that "if you want to you can" speech can make the person think "I couldn't, that's because I didn't want to enough".. And unfortunately, it does not always depend on our attitude.

Having a proactive and energetic attitude towards life helps, it can improve things in many contexts, but it does not always explain most of the success. In any given situation, there are going to be a multitude of factors that are beyond our control.

So, no matter how much "will" we put into something, there is always the possibility that things will not turn out the way we would like them to..

Not everything depends on our attitude, the context is important, and sometimes there will be elements of the context that will not be up to us to change. We can, we must change elements of our contexts, but it is not always going to be our choice. Sometimes things simply go wrong.

Anyone can say nice phrases, a professional can do much more

A psychologist is not going to reduce his years of training and experience to repeating motivational phrases from books and social networks.. If these things were enough to bring about significant changes in people's lives, the world would be a very different place right now.

If you have psychological problems of any kind, a competent psychologist will help you to put a proactive attitude to events, yes, but will also help you to identify those elements and factors that do not depend on you, and thus develop an attitude of acceptance.and thus develop an attitude of acceptance and realistic optimism. Not only that, but to establish patterns of change adapted to the unique context of the individual, taking into account the latest scientific consensus on human behavior.

Sometimes, despite striving hard for something, we may not achieve it. And with this attitude the person will not fall so easily into guilt and punishing internal dialogue..

I wish all things were just a matter of willpower. We can't do everything. We can do a lot, but not everything.

Real psychotherapy, rather than motivational phrases

If you are going through a bad personal moment, a good psychology professional can help you to improve things. If you think you need help, visit my website luismiguelreal.es to learn more about my psychotherapy services (also online).