12 tips to better manage couple’s arguments

Several guidelines to adopt a conciliatory and constructive attitude in couple's discussions.

Couple's discussions do not have to be harmful, as long as we know how to handle them properly and express our feelings in a natural and constructive way. Since this is not always an easy task, throughout this article we will look at 12 keys that will help us to manage couple's arguments in the most satisfactory way possible for both.

The disputes in love relationships

When we fall in love and we are lucky enough to be reciprocated, our mind is immersed in a state of well-being and absolute happiness that can hardly be tarnished by other external factors.

In the beginning of relationships, any external worries become light and fleeting, since the feeling of well-being produced by falling in love works as a counterbalance to all those headaches.

But unfortunately the phase of falling in love does not last a lifetime.and as time goes by, the romantic euphoria diminishes. As a consequence, any event, both outside the relationship and within it, can be a stressor that ends up affecting our intimate relationship.

The conflicts of living together and the couple's relationship, economic problems and even the ups and downs of work are likely to end up in a couple's argument that we cannot always (or do not always know how to) handle. However, couple arguments are not only inevitable, but also absolutely necessary if we know how to manage them correctly.

Contrary to what many people think, arguing from time to time in a couple is something usual and normal. And as long as the arguments are not excessively frequent, nor violent, the appearance of discrepancies is natural when two people share any area of their lives in a very intense way.

It is necessary to clarify that, when we speak of arguing, we refer to a debate, an exchange of opinions that in no case includes neither disrespect, nor aggressiveness or violence. In a couple that never argues, it is very likely that one of the two is repressing that one of the two is repressing their ideas or opinions, either for fear of creating conflicts andeither for fear of creating conflicts and not knowing how to solve them correctly, or because of pressure from the other person.

In any of the cases, this situation is impossible to maintain in time without, any day, one of the two parts will not be able to stand any more. In this way, any small conflict, which could have been solved in time and without further consequences, is magnified and accompanied by other conflicts that have been restrained.

12 tips for managing couple's arguments

In order to solve problems, it is necessary to deal with themEven if this means being forced to have a discussion, sometimes uncomfortable, with our partner. With the intention of facilitating this moment, we will review a list of techniques or tips to manage a couple's discussion in a satisfactory way. With these suggestions we will not avoid the discussion, but we will avoid the mistakes that we all tend to make and that cause great discomfort.

These are the guidelines to carry out a discussion in an orderly manner, trying not to let our feelings get the better of us and ending it in the most successful way possible.

1. Knowing how to identify and express our own emotions

Our reactions and responses in an argument are not the same if it is driven by anger as if it is driven by sadness or frustration. Being able to identify what we feel and which is its cause is fundamental to know how to handle it and to find a solution to that problem that generates us this negative feeling.

2. To recognize if a real underlying reason exists

In many of the couple's discussions that are carried out in a heated way by a specific problem, as for example to carry out some domestic task, they are a symptom that a greater underlying conflict exists.

This real discord or controversy fuels the small problems. It is therefore necessary to know what is the real origin of our angerTherefore, it is necessary to know what is the real origin of our anger, in order to solve it at the root and avoid intense disputes over unimportant conflicts.

3. Promote dialogue, not avoid it

As mentioned at the beginning of the article, it is necessary to assimilate that avoiding dialogue with the intention of avoiding a possible fight; as well as ignoring the conflict situation or always giving the reason to the partner only are avoidance techniques that feed more and more frustration and frustration..

This will only help us to accumulate negative feelings that will end up coming out, sooner or later. The crux of the matter is to dialogue and exchange opinions as calmly as possible and thus achieve a constructive and calm conversation.

4. Formulate positive and self-directed responses

There are many different ways of saying things and in discussions we tend to use an accusatory tone. We tend to use an accusatory tone that is neither useful nor conciliatory. conciliatory.

Even if we are convinced that we are right, changing the tone and accusatory expressions for others formulated in the first person and in a positive way, expressing our emotions, will help the other person to be able to put him/herself in our place.

5. Never disrespect

This is perhaps one of the most difficult points. Couple's discussions usually have a much more intense emotional componentTherefore, at certain times we may be tempted to get carried away by anger, saying things we don't really mean and even disrespecting our partner.

We should never downplay the importance of the value of our words, since a discussion in which anger moves our expressions can cause damage, both in the other person and in the couple, often irreparable.

In the same way, the use of reproaches or recriminations towards the other person will never be conducive to the development of a satisfactory dialogue.

6. Knowing how to choose the right moment

In most cases it is more advisable to postpone a discussion than to carry it out in an environment or place that is not appropriate. We must find a moment of intimacyin which both people feel comfortable to express their feelings openly, and without other people being present.

In the same way, it is essential to have enough time to talk. The rush is never convenient in a discussion, since it is most likely that one of the two ends up cutting it off abruptly and then it will be much more complicated to resume it.

7. Do not take any decision at the moment

Making decisions "in the heat of the moment" and moved by our feelings is never a good idea. When we allow these negative emotions to make decisions for us, we may end up making decisions that we do not really want to make and that we will later have to redeem or regret.

Therefore, it is best to end the discussion and reflect, once the mood has calmed down, if there is any kind of decision to be made regarding the relationship or couple dynamics. is concerned.

8. Forget about pride

Just as it is necessary to recognize our emotions, it is also necessary to assume that we are not always right. If we are the ones who have made a mistake, we must swallow our pride and apologize. Afterwards, we will surely feel relieved and our partner will thank us for our effort.

9. Not bringing up past problems

A very common mistake in couple discussions is to bring up past problems. It is essential to focus on the current issue or situation, leaving past conflicts where they are, or in the case that they generate a lot of concern in the person, leave them for another time, since this will only reinforce the current tension. will only reinforce the current tension..

10. Take a "time out".

In the moments when we see that the discussion is becoming too intense, the wisest decision is to make a "time-out" in which both of you temporarily distance yourselves from the discussion. This small temporary distance will encourage the development of another perspective on the problem and will relax the mood..

11. Knowing when to stop

Knowing when the discussion is not evolving and has become stagnant is essential to avoid constantly repeating the same discussion patterns. At this point it is best to stop for a moment, a "time-out" can be helpful, and to consider possible alternatives to the discussion or situation being held.

12. Resolving conflicts

After a discussion it is necessary to be able to reach an agreed-upon agreement with possible solutions to the problematic situation. It is no use arguing for hours without reaching any conclusion, since it is very likely that the conflict will come up again.

Therefore, reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement is one of the goals to be set in a couple's discussion.