15 keys to know if it’s the love of your life (or not)

Relationships require a commitment that can sometimes be precarious.

Finding the love of our life is one of the great motivations of our existence, and when we are in a couple, we may wonder if the person we are with is really the one we want to spend the rest of our life with.

But the answer to this question is not always simple, since the concept of love is really complex. In fact, much research has been carried out to understand this immense feeling, and experts have not always agreed on how to define it.

Love and infatuation are concepts that are often confused with each other.And someone we may consider to be the love of our life at the beginning of the relationship may not be so after a few years. Why? Because love as a couple is a socially constructed phenomenon, and we must not forget that a couple relationship is still an interpersonal relationship, which can break at any time, taking with it the immense feeling that we may have felt for that person. The love of your life is a love that you work for, that you take care of every day.

The feeling of love is not enough for relationships to last.

And it is that the relational dynamics influence the maintenance of love, and it is not enough to feel a great attraction towards a person. it is not enough to feel a great attraction towards a person and to have many things in common.. For the relationship to go on and for that person to become the love of our life, it is necessary to take care of the relationship, to do our part and, many times, to make the decision to stay together.

Irrational love can be a major drawback for love to succeed, while mature or rational love is more likely to stay alive even in bad times. Efficient negotiation and communication, respect and even healthy self-esteem of the partners help love win the day in the face of conflict.

The three key qualities in couple relationships

Psychologists, sociologists and physicians have tried to understand human behavior with respect to love. One of the best known researchers in this regard is Robert Sternberg. For him, love is based on three key components: intimacy, passion and commitment.. According to his triangular theory of love, for a person to be the love of your life, he or she must possess these elements.

Intimacy refers to the closeness between the two actors in a relationship.. In other words, it is the emotional connection, trust and affection you have for each other. Passion refers to the attraction, the excitement, the desire to connect and be with each other. Finally, commitment is the decision to be together despite the difficulties that may arise in the relationship.

Sternberg states that there are different types of love depending on how these three elements are combined. Love, therefore, can be classified in the following ways:

• Affection: according to the author, this type of love only contains intimacy. It would be a friendship with someone.
• Infatuation: characteristic of relationships that are shallow. There is only passion.
• Empty love: interest is the reason for the two people to be together. There is only commitment.
• Romantic love: there is a great physical attraction, but there is an absence of commitment.
• Sociable love: lack of passion characterizes this type of love. It can happen when, after several years of relationship, the interest in intimate relationships is lost.
• Fatuous love: a love that lacks intimacy. People desire each other and may try to go out together, but there is no connection because they are very different and do not share similar tastes.
• Consummate love: this is complete love. It contains all three elements of Sternberg's triangular theory.

Staying with someone is a decision

Before knowing which are the keys that help to detect if the person you are with is the love of your life, it is important to know that this concept is influenced by cultural influences. cultural influence has a lot to do with this concept. Also, knowing if a person is the love of your life only makes sense in the present moment, being well in the here and now with your partner, because love relationships have to work every day, and there may be periods in which problems arise in the relationship.

Staying with someone is a decision that has to do with each person's way of thinking and the way each partner understands relationships. Likewise, it also has to do with the conflict resolution skills of the participants. of the participants. So in a way it is an individual process. There are people who do not value someone they had at one point in their life, and a few years later, when they have matured, they realize what they have lost.

Keys to know if it is the love of your life

Now, if you feel good with someone, you are attracted to him or her, you see yourself with him or her in the future and he or she respects your opinions, that person is possibly the love of your life (at least at that particular moment). In short, the love of your life is the one who makes you feel that you are in a healthy relationship and, therefore, has the following characteristics:

1. It is unconditional

The love of your life is unconditional because respects you and loves you in spite of bad times. He does not judge, but accepts.

2. He is generous

It is generous and cares about giving. It is a balanced love, in which both partners give and receive equally. give and receive equally..

3. Is a negotiator and prone to solve conflicts.

Not having conflicts with the love of your life is unrealistic, because everyone has their own opinions and life is not always easy. However, the love of your life will take care to negotiate and communicate with you to solve any problems that may arise in the relationship.

4. Does not make you suffer

Obviously there are bad times and good times in a relationship. But when you find the love of your life, the good times outweigh the bad times by far.

5. It is respectful

Authentic love is not selfishbecause it cares about its partner's needs. It also takes into account the opinions of the other partner and respects them.

6. It is fueled by a deep connection

Respect makes you have great trust with the love of your life. Therefore, the emotional connection is very deep and flows constantly.

7. It builds over time

Falling in love can be based on a great attraction, but over time, this attraction can diminish and conflicts due to not enough intimacy and commitment can lead to a breakup. The love of your life is a mature love, which is built little by little.

8. Makes for fun times

The love of your life is an unforgettable love, because it makes you feel good times. That doesn't mean that 24 hours a day you have to live in a cloud, but it does mean that on a global level the love of your life is an unforgettable love.But it does mean that overall satisfaction with the relationship is a reality.

9. Nourish sexuality

It is not necessary that the sexuality is the same as the first days of the relationship, but the love of your life will work so that the flame of passion is not lost..

10. He is detail-oriented

The love of your life is detail-oriented, and these details are not necessarily material. Your true love does not leave you asideHe/she works daily so that the relationship does not deteriorate.

11. Cares about the relationship

The love of your life is aware that a relationship must be worked on because it goes beyond falling in love. It is an altruistic love.

12. It is realistic

It is a mature love and, therefore, realistic. It does not live on unrealistic expectations nor idealizes the other person. It is a rational love.

13. It is honest

There is a fluid communication with the love of your life, and a great respect. There are no big secrets, because there is nothing to hide.

14. It is not dependent

In authentic love the two partners in the relationship are good together and it is not a dependent love, mainly because each has his or her own space and a healthy self-esteem.

15. It is a support

The love of your life is a support, a friend with sensual moments. He respects you, understands you and you spend good times together.