37 Ways Not to Hurt Myself (Emotionally and Psychologically)

There are times when we assume that Pain is inevitable because we give up on taking care of ourselves.

We are all different, but if there is one thing I have learned in the time I have been working in clinical practice, it is that some things generalize to almost all human beings. Scratching a little, the reasons for suffering usually coincide in a high percentage.

That is why it has occurred to me to summarize here the main causes of suffering that I observe in therapy, which cause us to be unwell for longer than we should be and with more intensity.

How to avoid unnecessary discomfort

At this point, almost all of us know that this journey is not a bed of roses, but with some guidelines, perhaps, we can go through just enough and necessary discomfort, no more.

Here is a list of psychological self-care behaviors that will facilitate the proper or less painful handling of what they call life:

1. Learn to forgive

Forgiveness is not always intended for the other person. I believe, it is more intended for ourselves.. If we forgive, let go, let go, free ourselves from emotions such as hatred, resentment, frustration... it does not have to be linked to resuming the relationship with the person in question. It is more a process of inner peace.

2. Ask yourself: what is this good for?

Whenever we find ourselves thinking about something that hurts us, we can ask ourselves: What is this good for me? If the answer focuses on being worse and not finding any solution, it would be good to change that thought for another one that helps us to be more productive or leads us to or that leads us to be able to solve the problem in some way.

3. Things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be.

Important point why we sometimes insist on changing things that are not in our hands. As much as I want to, there are things that are the way they are, not the way I would like them to be. We should learn to separate what we can change from what we can't change.. Act with the former, and accept the latter.

4. Do not dramatize

This is where relativizing comes in. To give things the right importance, to be objective and not to drown in a glass of water. To stop to think if what is happening has as much importance as the one that we are giving him.

5. To accept that not everything has explanation

To give one and a thousand turns to something that we are never going to manage to understand, either because the answer is in another person who does not want to give it to us, either because it is not in our hands, or because it has happened that way (e.g. a death in an accident).í (for example a death in an accident). Accept that we are not going to understand everything. And learn to live with it.

6. Do not anticipate a catastrophic outcome.

Most of the time we suffer for things that don't come to pass in the end. But our head has already invented a very tragic ending, sometimes the worst possible one, and it issometimes the worst possible, and we have lived it as if it were real, forgetting that all that suffering, even if it is imaginary, hurts us. And sometimes a lot. We should learn to deal with it when it comes, if it comes, and stop worrying so much.

7. Letting go of ballast: letting go of everything that wants to leave.

Throw away what no longer works. Make room. From time to time it is basic to look at what we have around us and to realize what is realize what is left over.. Only in this way we will be able to remove stones from the backpack we carry, and the less weight, the freer we will be when we walk. Practice detachment from things, situations and people.

8. To accept oneself

Carl Rogers said that only when I accept myself, I can change. To be able to carry out this point, it is necessary an exercise of introspection, which is to know oneself, how we think, how we feel, how we act. Only by knowing who I am, and accepting it, will I be able to change what I do not want in my life.

9. Not wanting to be with someone who does not want to be with you

Many times, the source of suffering comes from insisting on being with someone who does not want to be with you. Here, accept that others have other feelings that, although we would like them to, are not the same as ours, lightens and shortens the grieving process.

10. Set realistic goals

Set achievable and possible goals, to avoid the frustration that is generated when we do not get to where we want to go.

11. Perfectionism

Understand that nobody and nothing is perfect. That each one of us is special and different, and that as long as our goal is perfection, we are not going to enjoy the process and we are going to fall apart every time something does not turn out the way we think it should.

12. Do not guess what others think

Acting believing that what we think others think is an absolute truth, without appreciating that maybe we are getting confused and others do not think as we think they do.

13. Do not procrastinate

Leave for later what you can get out of the way, makes your mind busy thinking that you have something to do, and you can't enjoy it 100%.and you cannot enjoy 100% of what you are doing.

14. Do not take everything personally

Do not think that the whole world revolves around your navel and that all decisions made by others have to do with you. If someone is laughing at the next table, maybe it's because something is funny to them, they don't have to be laughing at me. When we think that everything is against us, maybe we are the ones who are.

15. Develop empathy

Know how to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see their reality through their eyes, not ours. This helps us to understand others and facilitates personal relationships.

16. Adaptability

Darwin said that the most intelligent being is the one that best adapts to the environment. Being able to understand situations and live them in the best possible way, within our possibilities, saves a lot of money. within our possibilities, saves a lot of suffering.

17. Take care of the way we treat ourselves.

Be aware of the way we speak to each other. Language is very important when it comes to valuing ourselves, and many times the verbalizations we make towards ourselves are far from being affectionate, tolerant and realistic. Self-criticism is good as long as the result is an attempt at improvement, not a constant self-criticism from which nothing productive comes out.not a constant self-criticism from which nothing productive comes out.

18. Do not expect others to act the way you would act.

We often find ourselves saying "I wouldn't do it that way", as if others had to do it the same way we would do it.

19. Ability to transform

Realize the power we have to transform the lives of others and therefore, also our own. To be aware of the importance of small gestures and their impact. and their impact.

20. Do not act when we want to, waiting for others to do it.

To keep waiting for third parties to make decisions for us, without thinking that we have the power of our lives to be able to act.. For example, not calling a person, waiting for them to take the first step. With this, I keep my life on hold and lose power over it.

21. No self-punishment

Be fairer and more tolerant with oneself and allow oneself to fail without disaster, without extreme self-demands. In this kind of thing I always ask "if it had happened to a friend of yours, would you be so harsh?", and the answer is almost always a resounding no. If you wouldn't treat anyone so cruelly, why would you treat them so harshly? If you wouldn't treat anyone so cruelly, why would you?

22. Select the battles to fight

Many times we get into fights from which we are not going to get anything out of and that only lead us to a mental exhaustion that we can avoid. There are discussions that we already know from afar are not worth it. As they say sometimes it is better to have peace than to be right.

23. Make decisions

Sometimes we do not make them, either for fear of being wrong or for fear of the consequences. Making decisions gives us power over our lives and makes us feel it.

24. Flee from the prison of what people will say

That our life revolves around what others may say about us, gives power to third parties over our life. Therefore, anyone can hurt us. Accept that no matter what we do, there will always be those who criticize us, and stay true to ourselves. staying true to ourselves promotes self-esteem, security and confidence.

25. Take mistakes as learning

Understand mistakes as a way to learn, rather than as a model of defeat, which makes us value ourselves negatively and globally based on that failure.

26. Knowing how to withdraw in time

We have the mistaken idea that to withdraw is to lose, when in occasions knowing how to see when we have to leave and say goodbye, is the greatest of victories.. To stay where we are no longer happy or where we are not wanted, is to lengthen the agony.

27. Set limits

Learning to tell others how far they can enter our personal space. Knowing how to say "enough", "enough" and, above all, learning to say "no" without feeling guilty.

28. Appreciating the present

Learn to live in the here and now, since it is the only thing that really exists. We cannot change the past and the future may never come.Spending the day in one or the other makes us lose what really matters: what is happening.

29. Manage fears

Understand that being afraid is normal and adaptive, but that letting ourselves be paralyzed by it takes away our freedom and makes us live a life we don't want to live. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of change, fear of loneliness makes us stay in a place where we do not want to live. without moving in a place where we are not really being happy..

30. Do not insist on going as far as you cannot go

As much as we may want to, sometimes we have to be aware that there are things, situations or people with whom we can do no more.

31. Expectations

On numerous occasions we believe that others have certain characteristics that we have set for them and that they have to act in that way. When this does not happen, we feel disappointed. A source of liberation is to accept others as they are.

32. To say what we think or feel

Everything that we keep silent and hurts, stays inside, accumulates, and ends up exploding in some way that tarnishes everything in the form of: depression, anxiety, etc. Therefore, it is necessary to be able to defend ourselves against injustices, it is necessary to be able to defend ourselves in the face of injustices.We need to be able to express our criteria or what we are feeling.

33. To know how to accept a no

To understand that not everyone has to be at our disposal and that as free beings we all have the right to be able to say no. And this goes in all directions. Many times, it is hard for us to understand that we are rejected, we feel hurt and we get involved in an internal struggle to be able to deal with it. Accepting the decisions of others, even if they are not what we want, is another way to show respect.is another way of showing respect.

34. To know that we cannot always be happy.

Happiness is not something we can always control. Sometimes, it is necessary to suffer. Life offers us situations that we would never want to live, but it is what we have to do. Therefore, understanding that sometimes we have to learn to manage our negative emotions makes it easier for us to deal with them, makes it easier for us to deal with the bad moments in the best possible way..

Knowing that they will pass, as well as the good ones (that is why it is advisable that when we are well, we are aware that we are so we can enjoy it as much as possible). And try to develop resilience (the ability to emerge stronger from adverse situations).

35. Not putting others first

Believing that others are more important than us, always thinking about how to please others and putting ourselves in the background, feeling guilty when we think about ourselves because we think someone else might think it is wrong, explaining to everyone what we do or don't do, giving them power over our lives and allowing them to get into our intimacy and privacy allowing them to intrude on our intimacy and privacyOur self-esteem is dwarfed.

36. Do not leave our happiness in the hands of others.

Believing that we will be happy when someone listens to us, for example. Without understanding that happiness is not outside, but inside. Evidently, I will be better off if I get the things I want to achieve, but thinking that others are responsible for my being better off, makes me disregard it.

37. Do not focus on what you lack instead of what you have.

Comparing ourselves, almost always losing out. To never be satisfied. Not allowing ourselves to enjoy what surrounds us, because we look for what is not there. we look for what is not there..

Learning to take care of ourselves

I advise, from time to time, to review the list to be able to see in which aspects we have improved and in which we still have work to do. And expand it with anything that comes to mind that is taking away our freedom.