4 steps to feeling better about yourself

Guidelines to repair one's self-esteem and stop conforming to overly rigid expectations.

We often forget that, if personal relationships are already complicated, sometimes what is really difficult is to relate to oneself.

For some people, feeling good about themselves is an almost unattainable goal, something that seems even more improbable than learning the most complex skills. After all, while the steps to learn to play chess or complete a university degree are fairly straightforward, the same is not true for the arduous task of repairing our self-esteem.

In this article we will see a proposal of several steps to follow to feel better about oneselfwith examples and indications.

Feeling better with oneself is possible.

In the world of the human mind few things are immutable, and the seemingly most persistent feelings of self-deprecation can disappear if we learn to see ourselves with different eyes.

To do this, you will need to change both your thought patterns and the way you relate to your environment and to others. This two-pronged approach, focused on beliefs and actionsis the basis of cognitive-behavioral therapies, and although the fact of not going to the psychologist's office reduces the chances of success, it is still worth implementing these strategies on a daily basis.

1. Review your attribution style

People with self-esteem problems tend to attribute their achievements to luck or to other peopleIn short, to elements that are not part of their own merit. At the same time, they believe that most of the bad things that happen to them are their fault, even if the cause-effect relationship is not clear.

So, when faced with the question "how can I feel better about myself?" you should start by reflecting deeply on your attribution style in those cases where significantly good or significantly bad things happen to you. Ideally, this should be done as often as possible, but as you will probably lack the time and energy to apply it all the time, it is better to go practical and do it in the most special cases.. With time, you will automatically lose the need to do it.

For example, if you are congratulated for a university project, it is much more reasonable that this is because of your merits than because the evaluator likes you (simply because most evaluators do their job). Similarly, it is very common for abused people to believe that these attacks are their fault, although this is clearly not the case.

2. Practice compassion

If you are having trouble accepting yourself, you may be applying very rigid expectations to those beliefs about what you should be. those beliefs about what you should be and are not.. For example, there are millions of women who blame themselves for not looking like women who literally do not exist, since they are unrecognizable models after going through a layer of computer image editing programs.

So, just as you empathize with other people, practice compassion for yourself, and accept that you don't have to be subject to tyrannical conditions of behavior. It is not obligatory to adapt perfectly to those ideals that we have, simply tend to them, if that is what we want. To do this, spend 5 minutes a day reflecting on whether your "ideal self" is reasonable or not, and whether you are trying to be too much like that person who only exists in your imagination.and if you try to be too much like that person who only exists in your imagination.

3. Love your apparent imperfections

Reality is too complex to be divided into "good" and "bad". Of course, there are situations in which it is clear that something is right and its opposite is not, but this does not always happen, because the world is not made to fit into such hermetic and delimited categories of thought.

One of the consequences of this is that what we believe to be our own imperfections need not necessarily be so..

In fact, there are those who love those personal characteristics that others would be ashamed of. For example, the uninhibited character of those who have no complexes but live in strongly conservative societies, or even wrinkles, which in a context where discrimination against mature people is widespread, can be seen as a positive aesthetic value, being a sign of experience.

In the same way, there are manias and "very own" features that can be adorable or charismatic if we stop seeing them as faults in oneself: obviously, if we are ashamed of them, if we are ashamed of them, it will be noticedObviously, if we are ashamed of them, it shows, and other people will act as if those characteristics were indeed something bad.

4. Dedicate yourself to what you like

One of the most common reasons why people find it difficult to accept themselves is that they think they are wasting their time. To avoid this, the solution is to reinvent yourself. Work to reach a situation where we can dedicate ourselves to what we love. If we do this, we can even be proud of the path we took to reach that goal in life, even if it has not yet been reached.

Be action-oriented. Avoid beating yourself up through negative thoughts, which in practice are nothing more than an excuse not to improve, and focus on directing your action towards doing things that you really feel make you grow. Create reasons to be proud of who you are, in your situation and with the means at your disposal.