6 ways to ruin a relationship that works

In love and close friendships, there are traps capable of deteriorating the emotional bond.

Whether we like it or not, human beings live interconnected both physically and emotionally. Neither our personality nor our actions would be as they are if it were not for the fact that throughout our lives we have gone through all kinds of experiences that we have shared with others.

This means that we have an almost automatic tendency to interact with others, to initiate conversations, to be interested in what catches the other's attention and, in many cases, to bonding with people we select, and, in many cases, to establish an affective bond with them.. Both friendship and relationships are normal because we are, essentially, social animals. But that does not mean that we are always perfect at maintaining these relationships.

Since these bonds are essentially irrational, based on love, sympathy or affection, it is also easy to fall into traps that lead us to deteriorate the quality of this emotional connection. Accidents happen in any area of life, but in the case of relationships, moreover, we are prone not to see them coming. We run the risk of falling into one of the many ways to ruin a well-functioning relationship. that was working well.

Attitudes and actions capable of ruining a relationship.

These are the main traps that can transform a healthy relationship into a nightmare that is heading towards self-destruction.

1. Turning the relationship into a competition

Sharing something with someone means enjoying twice as many experiences, but it also means taking twice as many risks that the relationship will end up breaking up. Something that at first seems like a minor setback can snowball downhill if the dynamic of the dialogue focuses on defending one's pride above all else, or proving that one is better than the other party.

Paradoxically, trying to give the best possible image can have the opposite effect on the other person if he or she feels that he or she is being undervalued. if he or she feels that he or she is being undervalued or treated unworthily..

2. Deciding that compromises are no longer valid

The idea that relationships should be free can lead to the rejection of those agreements that both people have respected up to now. In practice, however, no relationship can withstand the absence of commitments that give it form and stability.

The reason for this is that the deeper a relationship is, the more we must do our part to ensure that it has continuity and constancy, because without this, the more we have to make a commitment. cases of involuntary emotional blackmail, mistrust and fear of opening up to others may occur.. If someone deserves our time and attention, the logical thing to do is to show that we value that by modifying our life to ensure that the other will continue to be part of it.

3. Forgetting to talk about yourself

Certain forms of friendship can resist the passage of time without dialogue, but in the case of deeper relationships, falling into this dynamic always leads to very negative results.

And if every emotional relationship is based on certain compromises, one of the most undervalued and least talked about is the habit of simply talking to each other..

More withdrawn people may have become accustomed to not talking about themselves to others, but when you have a romantic bond or a close friendship, not doing so introduces a strong asymmetry into the relationship.

The other person may perceive that he or she is not valued or even listened to (since in a dialogue it would be normal to make comments talking about comparisons with one's own life), on the one hand, or that things are being withheldon the other. In short, situations can occur in which what should be a deep and stimulating conversation seems more like a monologue.

4. Talking only about oneself

The other side of the coin is to use the relationship to have someone to listen to the narrative of one's own life. This, although it is not noticed, gives the image that the other person's life is of no interest at all.We may be interested only in their opinions about what is happening to us, but not in their own stories and experiences.

Of course, a relationship in which this has happened from the beginning has already started with serious flaws in its foundations, but there are times when periods of stress make a person who until now had a normal relationship start to obsess about what is happening to him/her and, as a consequence, to talk only about that.

5. Letting the other person make all the decisions

It may seem like a very good option for some, but ceding the role of decision maker to the other person sets a precedent that often turns out to be very negative in the long run.. And no, it is not only because if the decision turns out to be wrong, arguments may arise.

Although some people prone to indecision see relief in the possibility of asking the other person to decide for them, this dynamic does not only affect the small details of life.

Over time, becoming accustomed to one person making decisions and the other person accepting them can become an unequal power dynamic.. Little by little the decisions that one is in charge of become more and more important, until there comes a point where if the other dissents, this is seen as something strange, inappropriate.

6. Trying to change the other person so that we like him or her better.

Romantic love, that phenomenon that until not so long ago has been accepted without complaint in relationships, has made many people believe that any sacrifice is good if it makes the bond that unites two people stronger.

This has many negative effects, one of them being that we accept as normal that we try to change in order to please the other person moreWe may even ask the other person to change, not because it would be beneficial for us, but because it would generate more attraction.

This is one of the most frequent and harmful ways to ruin a relationship because, in the end, the idea that is perpetuated is that someone is someone else's property.and that virtually any sacrifice should be able to have its place in the relationship. Although at the beginning the effects of the idealization of the other make that their defects are concealed, at the moment they come to light we must decide whether we accept them or they are so serious that the relationship must end.