A whole life in the day of a sexologist

Sexologist and clinical psychologist Xud Zubieta offers his testimony about his professional day-to-day life.

My interest in sexology dates back to my childhood.. Obviously, I did not have it identified with a specific name, but for me, all the processes of sexuality seemed fascinating. I must have been almost a nightmare for my mother, with all the questions I asked her and often she would answer me anything. The first thing that came to her mind.

Once I got a slap on the wrist for expressing out loud my doubts related to sex. There, my mother, rather than telling me the first thing that came to her mind, simply reacted automatically. For her, the whole subject of sex and sexuality had always been taboo..

I have never been particularly interested in the forbidden, but I have always been interested in the unknown. My curiosity has often gotten the better of me, and by the time I fully realized what was happening, I had succumbed to curiosity. This, despite feeling mostly intense fear. But not enough to stop me.

I have been working in the field of sexology since 1982. During all this time, I have heard thousands of stories about my patients' sex lives. On occasion, when I am asked about it, I often reply that I am worth more for what I keep quiet about than for what I tell.. It's true.

The work of the sexologist

My first job as a psychologist was in a prison for minors, and there I was in charge of inmates accused of sexual crimes. I chained this with another job in a prison for adult men and women. I took advantage of this experience to complete my undergraduate thesis, which was the result of a research study with men and women who prostituted themselves in the huge Mexico City.

Every week I receive patients with stories that may seem implausible to the average citizen. to the average citizen. I never tire of saying that reality (in my experience) exceeds fiction. I have heard testimony from hundreds of patients with paraphilias. It seems that there are as many types of paraphilias, or more, as there are people.

An important part of my work has been developed to help patients suffering from sex addiction. Thanks to them, I have found that fantasy is capable of generating an altered state of consciousness.. This produces a certain comfort in the person's mind and he/she wants to accommodate and escape from his/her reality. In the case of substance abuse, it is the effect of these substances that produces the altered state of consciousness. It is also possible to generate an altered state of consciousness through sexual fantasy.

The need for sexual education and training

The work in consultation includes the remedy of suffering due to sexual issues, as well as the optimization of pleasure. The need for sexual education is a constant. Almost everyone has received a sexual education and it has been bad. Unconsciously, adults, parents, educators, etc., continually and repeatedly send out messages that sex is a bad thing, that sex is a bad thing, that sex is a bad thing, and that sex is a bad thing, that sex is something bad, sinful, dirty, indecent, vulgar...vulgar...

Genitals often symbolize all possible sexual activity between humans and in most families it is forbidden to touch them. Many times it is also forbidden to show and see them. In Western societies in general, they are hidden and even censored.

All this, combined with other aspects, causes confusion, pressures and problems in people who are forced to seek professional sexological help. The most common reasons for consultation are male dysfunctions (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, anejaculation...) and female dysfunctions (anorgasmia, vaginismus, dyspareunia...).

Therapy due to lack of sexual desire is a constant demand from individuals and couples. by individuals and couples. For problems derived from paraphilias or sex addiction, there may also be a need for sexological help. What to say about victims of sexual abuse.

Being a sexologist is fascinating and there is not a week in which I do not find something that surprises me: a new challenge. It is extremely comforting to be able to help patients who come to me with any sexological or relationship problem. It is satisfying to see that when a patient wants, it is possible to help him/her to solve his/her problem and to be happier.

A person who dedicates himself professionally to sexological consultation is usually a psychologist or a doctor. In addition, they have completed a specialization in sexology and sex therapy through a master's degree course or similar. It is a profession that requires continuous updating, since there is more and more information and ways to solve sexual problems. It is important to attend congresses in order to network with other sexologists and learn about the latest advances.

The activist side of the profession

As a sexology professional it is also important to do outreach work, either by participating in educational campaigns or by giving classes. Another important aspect is activism in defense of sexual rights.

Personally, I have had the opportunity to work on a watchdog committee for the respect of sexual rights in the world through WAS. This can include participating in campaigns where thousands of messages and emails are sent to specific governments or institutions. It is about letting them know that we are watching them and pressuring them to respect the sexual rights of a particular person.

Let's remember that, for example, in a number of countries women's rights or the rights of the LGTBI collective are not being respected. Through this type of action we have managed to stop the dilapidation of some specific women or the release of gay men imprisoned for their sexual orientation.

Two stories that make a difference

If I had to tell the stories that have impacted me the most, I would highlight one or two, but there are many, many more. The first occurred in my first job, at the juvenile prison.. There I met a 16-year-old minor who had strangled his father. When he told me his story, I could only empathize with him.

According to his story, one day he was playing in the street with some friends, very close to his home. Then his father, who was passing by and in a deep state of inebriation, saw him having fun and, beating him, took him back home. Upon arriving there, the father began to mistreat his wife and daughters, to the point of attempting to rape one of the minors.

Then the 16-year-old boy, remembering the many times he had mistreated them and the occasions when he had raped his sisters, felt very angry and lunged at his father, strangling him. He claimed he had no regrets and would do it again if it meant that his mother and sisters would stop suffering. If only the suffering would stop there! His eyes sparkled and grew wide with rage as he told me his story. I remember it like it was yesterday.

The other case I would highlight also has elements of violence, but it has a number of ingredients to remember.but it has a number of ingredients that are worth remembering. It was about a 20 year old boy who came to my office in a state of anxiety and having suffered some panic attacks. He was about to leave Spain for an Erasmus program, and he was worried about having these problems there as well. His story is touching.

He told me that he was very afraid of being sexually attracted to his dog... After some deep therapeutic work, I discovered that the boy was actually gay and that, when he was little, his father tortured him in a peculiar way.

When the son did not obey, the father would beat the dog, which was the adoration of the childHe empathized with the dog and suffered when he saw how his father mistreated his beloved pet. He was on the verge of suffering a psychotic break, which fortunately he was able to stop. Among the causes of his condition was an extremely strict, controlling and punitive upbringing.

Obviously, professional experience is a great help in training. I feel fortunate to have spent decades studying and dedicating myself to sexology.