Active listening: the key to communicating with others

We explain how to develop active listening skills.

The active listening is a skill that can be acquired and developed with practice. However, it can be difficult to master, as you have to be patient and take time to develop it properly.

Active listening refers, as its name implies, to listening actively and with full awareness. Therefore, active listening is not listening to the other person, but being fully focused on the message that the other individual is trying to communicate.

Active listening: listening and understanding the communication from the speaker's point of view.

Although it may seem that active listening is an easy task, this type of listening requires an effort to listen actively, this type of listening requires an effort of our cognitive and empathic abilities.. Listening is very important in communication, and although it may not seem like it, we often spend a lot of time thinking about what we think and what we say instead of actively listening to the other person.

Active listening is not passive listening, but refers to the ability to listen not only to what the person is expressing directly, but also to the feelings, ideas or thoughts that underlie what you are trying to express. In active listening, the empathy is important to put oneself in the other person's place, but also emotional validation, acceptance and feedback. feedbackIt is necessary to listen without judging and to communicate to the other person that he/she has been understood. For this reason, there are two elements that facilitate active listening, they are the following:

• Psychological dispositionInternal preparation is important, be in the present moment, pay constant attention and observe the other person: identify the content of what he/she says, the objectives and feelings.

• Expression of listening to the other interlocutor with verbal communication, in what is known as the phatic function. phatic function of language (I see, umm, uhetc.) and non-verbal language (eye contact, gestures, body leaning, etc.).

What not to do in active listening

The following is a review of some mistakes that can occur when listening to the other person:

• Getting distracted during the conversation
• Interrupting the speaker
• Judging him or her and wanting to impose your own ideas
• Offering help prematurely and with a lack of information
• Rejecting and not validating what the other person is feeling
• Disqualify when giving your opinion
• Telling your own story instead of listening to the other person's story

Signs that indicate correct active listening

There are several signs that show the other person that you are being actively listened to. Below are the verbal and nonverbal signs of active listening, so that you may be able to adapt your communication style towards a better understanding and comprehension of your interlocutor.

1. Non-verbal cues

Active listeners usually show the following nonverbal cues:

Eye contact

The eye contact shows the other person that you are paying attention to what they are saying and feeling, and can also show sincerity. Combining eye contact with other verbal and nonverbal cues shows interest in what the other person is expressing.

Light smile

This assures the interlocutor that the information you are conveying is being well received and motivates you to keep talking. Therefore, it acts as a reinforcer, as well as giving a message of empathy.

Receptive body posture

Posture gives information about the sender and receiver in the communication process. The active listener tends to lean slightly forward forward or sideways while seated.

Mirroring

The automatic reflex o mirroring of any facial expression of the speaker may be a sign of attentive listening. These expressive gestures seem to indicate sympathy and empathy in emotional situations. In contrast, conscious imitation of (non-automatic) facial gestures seems to be a sign of inattention.

Non-distraction

The active listener will not be distracted, as his attention is focused on the verbal and nonverbal signals emitted by the listener.

2. Verbal cues

Emitting reinforcing words or compliments

This type of verbalization reinforce the speaker's discourse by conveying that one validates one's point of view. Phrases such as "you did very well", "I like it when you are sincere" or "you must be very good at playing soccer" show attention on the part of the listener. Although these phrases can be positive, they should not be overused, as they can be distracting to the sender.

Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing refers to verifying or expressing in one's own words what the speaker seems to have just said.. In this way, it is possible for the sender to inform the receiver if the latter has understood the message correctly: "You mean you felt this way...".

Summarizing

A person who has mastered the skill of active listening will often summarize what the other person has just communicated. This helps to make it clear that you understand the other person's point of view before stating your own.

Asking questions

The listener can demonstrate that he or she has been attentive by asking relevant questions. In this way you can clarify the information and show interest in what the sender is trying to communicate.