Attachment to desire: the road to dissatisfaction

Basing everything on the pursuit of desire-driven goals can lead us into a trap.

I believe that human beings are in a constant search for freedom, peace and inner happiness, whether we are aware of it or not. It is no secret, however, that we tend to look outside for the fulfillment of these desires.

Thus, we embark on the relentless pursuit of pleasure and away from pain.But all this does is cause us more suffering. We become obsessed with success, beauty, money, power, consumption, pleasant experiences, approval and prestige, among many others, which blind us to the reality that these are not lasting things, nor can they make us truly happy.

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Clinging to desires results in dissatisfaction

Clinging to these things leaves us as Buddhist meditation master Sogyal Rinpoche says "like people crawling through an endless desert, dead thirsty" because what our modern society offers us to drink, by what it teaches us is important to pursue, and what we choose to drink as well, is a glass of salt water that makes our thirst even more intense. We want more and more of those objects, situations, experiences or people to which we attribute the power to make us happy and along the way we not only become more thirsty and lost, but we can also seriously harm those around us.

Just think of the unbridled ambition of some public figures and political leaders of some public figures and political leaders and how this ambition takes away the resources that are destined to generate wellbeing in the people they have the mission to serve, leaving, in their place, great poverty, hunger, violence and pain. Attachment to desires makes us selfish, it only makes us think about our own well-being. However, it is not a wise way to achieve it, because clinging to desire never leaves us satisfied nor is it the way to feel fulfillment.

Another example is the unhealthy attachment to a partner. The desire for connection, to love and feel loved, becomes, with clinging, a desire to possess and control the other, as if it were possible to make them never leave or change their feelings. As this does not happen, to deposit again the happiness in a person, leaves the one who does it constantly unsatisfied. leaves the one who does it constantly unsatisfied, because the expectations he/she places on the other person are not fulfilled.because the expectations he or she places on the other person are unrealistic.

It is likely that on several occasions we have said or thought that we will be happy when we finally travel, have the house, the car, the achievement or the person we long for, only to discover that, although these things do bring us joy for a while, they do not give us the lasting peace and happiness we seek and, as expected, new desires arise again.

Does this mean that we would be better off if we eliminated desire from our lives?

The two types of desires

Jack Kornfield, a clinical psychologist and meditation teacher, explains from the perspective of Buddhist philosophy that there are healthy and unhealthy desires. These arise from a neutral state of mind called the will to do. When the will-to-do is directed in a healthy way, it brings about healthy desires. When it is directed in an unwholesome way, it gives rise to unwholesome desires.

We may desire something for different reasons. People may wish to help others out of compassion and genuine generosity or out of a quest for admiration. They may wish to create some technology to destroy or to contribute to development and health. Attachment operates in subtle waysEven in things that seem harmless or good, and often in desires there are intermingled motivations. We may want to travel out of a desire to know and broaden our view of the world and diversity, or to not be left behind, to show on social media every detail, or to escape from problems.

Kornfield explains that healthy desire creates happiness, is based on wisdom, kindness and compassion and derives in interest, responsible management, generosity, flexibility, integrity and spiritual growth. Unhealthy desire creates suffering, is based on greed and ignorance and results in possession, self-centeredness, fear, greed, compulsion and dissatisfaction. Inner freedom arises from the ability not to cling to desire. This is different from getting rid of it.

It is about learning to relate wisely to desire.. It is about not obsessing over the fulfillment of what we want or ceasing to enjoy life if these things are not present. This implies an open and relaxed attitude towards desires. We can let go and calmly reflect on them and observe what drives them or if we really need to carry them out. If we decide to carry them out, we do so with awareness.

Towards a form of addiction

Buddhist philosophy describes this state as a hungry spirit whose desire is insatiable and therefore suffers greatly because nothing can satisfy it. nothing can satisfy it.

As Mason-John & Groves put it, "in a sense, we can all identify with the hungry ghosts, because we live in a culture where nothing is enough... We want to live in a bigger place, we want to have a better job, more vacations, the latest technological innovation, the newest of everything. Even if we don't define ourselves as addicts there are many of us who use acceptable drugs, such as food, social toast, medication, sex, shopping, friendships, etc., to cope with the emptiness of our lives."

Working with desire and pain

Thus, it is necessary to transform the relationship we have with desire and also with pain, since the inability to be with the inevitable Pain of life leads us to take refuge in unhealthy desires that paradoxically end up producing greater suffering. It is important to foster healthy desires and free ourselves from those that enslave us. To do this, we can use mindfulness of our mental states when the desire arises and observe with kindness how we feel when it is present and how we feel when we cling to it. In this way we begin to discern healthy desires from unhealthy ones. Similarly, we can begin to recognize how we use desires to escape discomfort and whether it is our habitual way of reacting to them. whether it is our habitual way of reacting.

Kornfield says that we must investigate desire and be willing to work with it to regain our innate freedom and balance. Working with desires will depend on whether we tend to suppress it or desire in excess. It is about not resisting or clinging to desires when they arise, but accepting them graciously and observing their natural course without necessarily acting on them.

This practice helps us to relate to more compassionate and kind to our inner experience, which in turn helps us to better regulate our emotions and act more consciously.This in turn helps us to better regulate our emotions and act with greater awareness. We come to realize that thoughts, as well as desire and painful emotions come and go, are not permanent as we believe in those moments when they arise. We take power away from unhealthy desires when we do not act on them, despite their intensity. Then they cease to rule us.

Instead of running away from pain, we face it with compassion and without judgment, allowing it to be and dissolve.allowing it to be and dissolve on its own. We stop identifying ourselves with what happens to us and with our inner experiences. We recognize that crucial moment in which, by pausing, we can realize that we have a choice and can respond more consciously to the situations that life presents to us, without causing secondary suffering.

Finally, Tara Brach, a clinical psychologist and meditation teacher, mentions that we long to discover our true nature, and that behind our countless desires is a spiritual longing, but because our desires tend to be narrow and fixated on things that are transitory, we feel detached from who we are. Feeling detached from our own reality, we identify with our desires and desires, we identify with our desires and the ways to satisfy them, which further distances us from our own reality.and the ways to satisfy them, which further alienates us. It is when we cultivate a calm mind that we can be aware of our deepest longings, listen to them and respond to them. As they say, "Invest in what a shipwreck can't take away from you.