Avoidant attachment (in children and adults): how it affects us

The attachment styles we adopt greatly condition how our personal and emotional life will be.

Attachment is a type of emotional bond that occurs between two human beings and is associated with intimate relationships, such as those between mothers and children. People show different types of attachment that develop during early childhood and tend to remain stable during adolescence and adulthood.

In a very high proportion of cases infants form secure attachments, but others fail to do so, but show insecure attachment; this in turn can be divided into ambivalent attachment and avoidant attachment. In this article we will describe the main characteristics of avoidant attachment in children and adults..

A psychological aspect that affects us throughout life

John Bowlby, a psychologist and psychiatrist influenced by psychoanalysis but also by ethology and evolutionism, developed the attachment theory, according to which humans are phylogenetically predisposed to form emotional attachments. are phylogenetically predisposed to form emotional attachments with those who care for us and provide us with security. Attachment has been studied mainly in infants, but also in adults.

Different authors have made classifications of attachment patterns based on their observations and research. In the 1960s and 1970s Mary Dinsmore Ainsworth conducted pioneering studies in the field of attachment using the experimental paradigm of the "attachment situation". the experimental paradigm of the "strange situation", with which she assessed attachment behavior.with which she evaluated the behavior of children when they were separated from their mother.

Thanks to his famous research, Ainsworth identified three attachment patterns: the secure three attachment patterns: secure, avoidant or rejecting and ambivalent or resistant.. The latter two can in turn be categorized as "insecure attachment". While 65% of infants showed a secure attachment pattern, 20% of infants were classified as avoidant and 12% as ambivalent.

Research has shown that attachment type remains stable across the lifespan in most people, although the in most people, although it can sometimes change, for example because of the educational style adopted by the parents or significant life events, such as the death of an attachment figure.

In 1987 Cindy Hazan and Phillip R. Shaver studied attachment in adults through multiple response questionnaires and found that the proportion of secure, avoidant and ambivalent attachment patterns was very similar to what Ainsworth had found in infants.

Avoidant attachment in children

In Ainsworth's strange situation experiment, children with avoidant attachment were easily angered, did not seek out their mothers when they needed them, appeared to be indifferent to their absence and ignored them or behaved ambivalently when they needed them.They seemed to be indifferent to their absence and ignored them or behaved ambivalently when they returned. However, they were sometimes very sociable with strangers.

In contrast, infants with a secure attachment pattern were confident in exploring the environment and would return to their mother from time to time, seeking security. If the mother left the room the infants cried and complained, and when she returned they were cheerful. They also had a lesser tendency to become angry.

Ainsworth hypothesized that the attitude of these children concealed states of emotional distress; later studies showed that their Heart rate was elevated, which supported the hypothesis. According to Ainsworth, infants with avoidant attachment had learned that that communicating their emotional needs to the mother did not work and therefore did not and therefore did not do so.

This was because they had had experiences of rejection of their approach behaviors and attachment promotion by the primary attachment figure. He also stated that their needs had often not been met by their parents.

The behavior of infants with this type of attachment is paradoxical in the sense that it allows them to maintain a certain closeness to significant others that provides the infant with a sense of security while at the same time prevents them from responding with rejection to closenessaccording to Ainsworth.

In adults

Several investigations have studied the characteristics of attachment in adults by means of self-report questionnaires. The avoidant attachment is divided into two distinct patterns during adulthood: avoidant-dismissive and avoidant-fearful.. The presence of one or the other pattern is probably due to specific life experiences.

The avoidant-dismissive style manifests itself in an exaggerated need for independence and self-sufficiency, as well as the avoidance of dependence on others. Many people with this attachment pattern believe that interpersonal relationships are not relevant and deny the need for intimacy with others, so they try not to develop it excessively.

People with this type of attachment tend to hide and repress their feelings, distance themselves from others when they feel rejected by them, and behave in a way that is and behave in a way that prevents them from suffering such rejection. Different authors consider that the avoidant-dismissive pattern has an emotional protective function.

Similarly, those who are classified in the avoidant-fearful attachment category state that they desire intimate interpersonal relationships but have difficulty trusting and relying on others for fear of being emotionally hurt. Consequently they feel uncomfortable in intimate situations.

This pattern has been identified most frequently in people who have people who have gone through significant bereavement or who have suffered trauma during childhood and adolescence. during childhood and adolescence. In many cases they feel dissatisfied with themselves and with the people with whom they have developed attachment bonds.