Bereavement: the process of seeking consolation

Grieving the death of a loved one is a painful time for everyone, including thanatologists.

A few months ago, on the cusp of the greatest grief I have ever personally experienced, I received one of those well-meaning phrases that stirred emotions I had not experienced before; "good thing that as a thanatologist you won't hurt so much and you will get over it sooner than the rest of us". I still feel the echo of these words drilling in my head.

Death is one of those experiences with which we psychologists, thanatologists, physicians, and health professionals in general deal with in an artificially developed and so-called professional and vicarious way, but which does not escape the experience of life that one has or will have at some point in one's own life, since dying is the natural consequence of being alive, and that is why it is important to know how to manage the bereavement for the death of a loved one. it is important to know how to manage the grief due to the death of a loved one.The best way to get through these moments is to be able to have the resources to get through them in the best possible way.

Emotional pain

Losing a close loved one not only disrupts what one thinks of oneself and one's purpose in life, but also compromises the stability of what has been built up over the course of an experience accompanying the grief process. But what happens when the loss expert does not accept your losses? What happens when grief rethinks one's own way of coping with an absence? What to do when medicine does not comfort the very doctor who recommends it?

Of course, part of the treatment is to ask for the treatment itself. However, this will not avoid the Pain of the loss itself.And in the flesh, to discover that neither, necessarily, prevents each of the stages of grief, each of those dark thoughts and each of those stages of anger against life from appearing and leaving their mark as they pass.

What can be done when faced with the need for comfort in this situation?

The most powerful tool that we people have to repair, rebuild, reorganize and comfort us is the emotional and physical closeness of another human being.. The trust in contact, the privacy provided by intimacy and the certainty of being listened to is the most effective medicine, although not necessarily immediate, to soften the ravages of the irremediable.

If you ever have someone around you who relates in any way to the pain of others professionally, directly or indirectly, I can tell you that they need the same comforting embrace and interested ear as any other human going through the experience of losing a loved one as anyone else, not directly related to the issue professionally.

If it ever happens to you, remember that the bereavement experience is not a standard or generalizable experience.. The experience of bereavement is unique, incomparable and inevitable at some point in life, so leaning on a loved one and empathetic, will be the best remedy.

Coping with bereavement

If you have the honor and the opportunity to accompany someone in this process directly, professionally or non-professionally, it is necessary to be open so that the expression free of prejudices can flow and the emotions fulfill their function of beginning to organize the interior broken by the trauma. And, above all, take into account that common sense, respect for the uniqueness of the experience, as well as the shared silence, although in everyday life they are disregarded, in these cases, are the syrup that facilitates the digestion of the most bitter part of the experience of a loss due to death.

Of course, thanatological or psychotherapeutic support is desired although not indispensable to overcome a loss by death. Go to a professional if possible, if not, seek the company of someone you trust to support you in the most difficult moments of grief. In case you do not find any consolation or your grief becomes more and more suffocating, you should go to a professional properly prepared to accompany you with respect, dignity and openness.

Alva Ramirez Villatoro, Psychologist.