Can friendship exist between a man and a woman?

That a man and a woman can be friends "just like that" should not be a matter of debate. Or should it?

More than two decades have passed since the release of one of the most applauded romantic comedies: When Harry Met Sally.. This film was a resounding success at the box office, and if it did so it was thanks, at least in part, to placing in the spotlight one of the most recurring questions: Is friendship between a woman and a man possible?

Friendship between a man and a woman: a utopia?

In previous articles, we have noted the 7 signs to detect a toxic friendship, explained the relationship between political ideology and sexual attraction, or resolved the question of why kindness is a problem when looking for a partner.

Today we will try to gather information to help us understand if a man and a woman can maintain a friendship uninterested in any romantic or sexual project.

Many people believe that it is not possible, that heterosexual men and women cannot enter into a pure friendship. And it is often attributed to the fact that this impossibility lies in the effect of hormones. However, many people claim to have had one or many friendships of the opposite sex. It seems to be a rather subjective question, which depends very much on the scale of values of each individual.

Research

Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationshipsled by April Bleske-Rechek, professor of psychology at Wisconsin-Eau Claire University, concluded that men perceive romantic choices more frequently than women do with their friends (2012). The study also showed that men tended to be equally interested sexually or romantically in their female friends, regardless of whether they were already in a romantic relationship with someone else.

What does the Bleske-Rechek study tell us? That men and women differ in their appreciation of their relationships with people of the opposite sex, leading to clearly differentiated attitudes.This leads to clearly differentiated attitudes about their expectations. The research also showed that, in the typical friendship between a woman and a man, the man tends to overestimate the level of attraction the female friend feels toward him. On the other side, the woman underestimates the degree of attraction her friend feels towards her.

As a result of this asymmetry, men may come to think: "I'm sure my friend wants more than just friendship," while women conceive: "Oh, of course not, my friend doesn't think of me that way, we are good friends." It is possible that these different perceptions of the same relationship are at the root of a myriad of misunderstandingsor the reason why many women unwittingly give "false illusions" to their male friends.

The sincerity variable also comes into play

Another variable that probably influences the biasing of results in this type of research is the inclination of women to hide certain thoughts or opinions.. In the study, participants were assured that their responses would be completely anonymous and confidential.

Also, before they filled out the surveys, the researcher made the pairs of friends promise separately that they would not discuss the responses at the conclusion of the study. Although one would have thought that all subjects were absolutely honest, a certain degree of embarrassment was detected in accepting that one is attracted to one's friend, even if one appreciates that this attraction is not reciprocated. Obviously, pride and withdrawal may influence the participants' responses, thus altering the results.

Although there is no extensive scientific literature on these issues, it is worth noting a unique study by Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero, two young and talented filmmakers who managed to reach the same conclusion: friendship between men and women is impossible.

They decided to carry out a video recording that could confirm the veracity of the hypothesis. Of course, their method was miles away from being rigorous and scientific, but they were able to document informal questionnaires among university students. The experience revealed that, when the girls were asked, they began by saying that, yes, it was quite possible to maintain a friendship with a man. However, as the survey got into the subject matter and they were asked about whether their friends were attracted to them, they blushed and admitted that it was possible to maintain a friendship with a man, they blushed and admitted that it was quite likely that they were.. In light of this, could it not be said that friendship between individuals of different sexes is never without a certain degree of attraction?

Friendship and attraction: concluding

To tell the truth, it seems that both women and men should reflect on our conceptions of friendship, so that our friends can be friends because of their personalities. We must value sincere, reciprocal and lasting friendship, whether with a man or a woman.

Recently, moreover, American researchers conducted a macro-survey asking thousands of people if they had asking thousands of people if they had ever had sex with a male or female friend, and whether that intimate contact had worsened orand whether that intimate contact had worsened or improved the friendship. The results of the surprising study can be found by reading this article:

We will keep our eyes open for new data on this issue. What is your opinion on the subject? Can friendship exist between a man and a woman? Opinions are diverse and always bring controversy. We invite you to offer us your vision on this topic in the comments section, or through our Facebook account.

Bibliographical references:

• Barriga, S. (1982). Group psychology and social change. Barcelona: Hora.
• De Castro, R. (1996). Social influence and environmental change: actuality and prospective of intervention strategies. Intervención psicosocial, 5 (13), 7-20.
• Martínez, M. F. (1993). Psicología Comunitaria. Sevilla: Eudema.