Children’s tantrums: why they appear and how to manage them.

Tips to understand and manage this phenomenon linked to the emotional regulation of children.

Most of us have probably seen at some time, even if it is in the movies or in a commercial, how a child starts crying, throwing himself on the floor and kicking when he is refused to buy a candy or toy. We are talking about infantile tantrumswhich can be frustrating for the parents of the child, sometimes not knowing what to do to stop it.

In this article we are going to talk about what these tantrums are, the fact that they are something habitual and normative in most cases and some guidelines to follow to manage them.

What do we call a child tantrum?

All or almost all of us have seen a child's tantrum at some time, but we rarely stop to think about how this concept is defined.

We understand a child tantrum as the set of actions and emotional and physical manifestations that a child performs as an expression of his or her negative emotions of frustration or anger. as an expression of their negative emotions of frustration or rage, experienced very intensely andexperienced very intensely and expressed with great virulence in a short period of time. This type of explosive manifestation usually includes crying, screaming, throwing themselves on the floor and kicking and shaking, and sometimes also running away and oppositional behaviors to the contact or closeness of their caregivers.

Generally these tantrums arise from situations of frustration or lack of understanding of the situation, as a consequence of not being able to get something they want. They may also occur in response to an unsuccessful attempt to demonstrate progressive independence and autonomy, or even as a manipulative strategy to achieve their goals. manipulative strategy to achieve their goals if they learn if they learn that this is how they get what they want.

The typical scene most people imagine is in supermarkets or toy stores, but in reality it could happen in any situation, whether or not another person is involved in denying their wishes. The infantile tantrums can be something occasional or frequent, depending in each case on the personality of the child.depending in each case on the personality of the child and his or her ability to handle frustration.

It must be taken into account, however, that unless they have been learned as mechanisms to achieve their goals, they are generally something that the child does not do to annoy, being simply generated by not knowing how to respond to the discomfort.

Is it something normal, when do they appear?

Although many parents may find these situations irritating, unjustified and even worrying, the truth is that the presence of infantile tantrums is normal and even frequent in childhood.

They appear in children as a response to frustration, in a vital stage in which they have not yet learned to regulate intense emotions.. Also when they want the attention of their parents or caregivers, or when they cannot be independent. Although around one year of life there are usually some signs of it, it is especially frequent between the second and third year of life.

Tantrums should decrease as the child learns to regulate his or her emotions, and most often by the age of five they should have disappeared or been greatly reduced.

In fact, are part of a phase of evolutionary developmentIn this phase, they will gradually become capable of acquiring frustration tolerance, the ability to delay gratification (i.e. knowing how to wait in order to obtain benefits from their actions instead of wanting immediate gratification) and the ability to self-manage to a greater extent.

Although they are part of a normative development, it should be noted that they do not necessarily appear in all children. Likewise, they can also appear in an excessive or altered manner in the context of a behavioral disorder, as in oppositional defiant disorder, as difficulty in inhibiting responses as in adhd or as a response to the incomprehension of specific situations as in some autism spectrum disorders.

How to manage them?

Childhood tantrums can be difficult to handle and can leave us paralyzed and not knowing what to do. For this reason, here are some basic guidelines to try to manage them.

First of all, it is highly contraindicated to yell at or hit a child, it is highly contraindicated to shout at or hit a child to stop a tantrum. to stop the tantrum: rather than calming him/her down, this may confuse him/her even more and even generate discomfort towards the person in question. It is also important to remember that the child is trying to generate his own identity.

What is recommended is to to remain close and to take into account the manifestation of the sufferingBut without compromising or coddling the child: we will make him/her see that this attitude does not allow us to understand him/her and that when he/she behaves correctly then they will be able to talk. It is important to remain firm and not to give in if we do not want the child to learn that this can be used to manipulate us. All this should be done without showing rejection towards the child.

It is also necessary to make sure that the child does not cause harm to himself or to others during the tantrum, protecting him in this sense. Assessing what provokes a tantrum can help us to identify elements that can be conflictive and work on them with the child, as well as not to overexpose them to them.

It is also useful to make clear the limits and the behavior expected of them, and once the tantrum is over, start working with the child on aspects such as the expression of both positive and negative emotions, for example, to recognize them and communicate them in an effective and acceptable way.