Chronic victimhood: people who complain out of habit

There are people who never stop complaining and lamenting. Why do they act this way?

Any person, in some situation in his or her life, has had to assume the role of victim. role of victim. Most of the time, this role is assumed on the basis of objective facts that justify that we may feel more vulnerable or helpless.

Victimhood as a personality

However, there are people who display a chronic victimhood : they are in a permanent state ofThey are in a permanent state of complaints and unfounded regrets. These individuals hide behind a victimhood personalityThey are in a permanent state of unfounded complaining and whining. In this way they free themselves from any responsibility for their actions and blame others for what happens to them.

Maintaining over a long period of time this type of attitude, which we have called "chronic victimhood", is not in itself a pathology classified in the DSM-5but it could lay the psychological groundwork that could lead to the development of a paranoid personality disorder. This occurs because the person persistently blames others for the bad things that happen to him/her.

Victimhood and pessimism go hand in hand

This way of coping with everyday life can have further negative consequences. One of the clearest detriments is the pessimistic view of life. pessimistic view of life that chronic victimhood brings, since it creates an environment of discomfort and mistrust both for the person who always complains and for the people around him, who feel unfairly treated.

In a large number of cases, the person who displays this tendency towards chronic victimhood ends up feeding a series of bad feelings, such as resentment or anger, which can degenerate into an aggressive victimhood. The aggressive victimizer not only blames others and complains about everything, but may also adopt aggressive and violent attitudes, intolerance and contempt for the physical and moral integrity of people he or she considers guilty for some reason.

What are victimizers like?

But, what personality traits and recurrent attitudes do these people have? Let's get to know them through the following points.

1) They systematically distort reality

People with chronic victimhood sincerely believe that all the blame for what happens to them is the fault of other people; they never take any responsibility for their own actions.. The underlying problem is that they see reality in a distorted way, with an external locus of control. They tend to think that both positive things and bad times depend on causes external to their will.

It is also true that they tend to unconsciously exaggerate the negative, so that they fall into a strong pessimism that prevents them from seeing the positive things in life.

2) Constant regret reinforces them

Victimistic individuals believe that their personal situation is due to the bad acts of others and circumstances, therefore they do not feel responsible for their situation.Therefore, they do not feel responsible for anything that happens to them. Consequently, they spend the day lamenting, to the point that they find an important reinforcement to their attitude in lamenting and complaining, assuming their role as victims and trying to call the attention of their environment.

They are not capable of asking for help from anyone, they limit themselves to lamenting their bad luck of running into undesirables. This is nothing more than an unconscious unconscious search for attention and prominence.

3) Their goal is to find someone to blame

The state of permanent victimhood is also closely associated with a distrustful attitude.. They believe that others are always motivated by spurious interests and act in bad faith against them. For this reason they inspect to the millimeter any detail or gesture of the people around them trying to discover some grievance, however small or nonexistent it may be, in order to reinforce their role as victims.

By acting in this way, they end up reaffirming their personality and are very sensitive to the treatment they receive from others, exaggerating any small detail to the point of exaggeration.exaggerating any small detail to a pathological limit.

4) No self-criticism

They are not capable of self-criticism about their attitude or actions. People with chronic victimhood are fully convinced that they are not to blame for anything, so they do not conceive that anything in them is reproachable or improvable.. As already mentioned, they hold other people responsible for everything, they are incapable of accepting any criticism and, of course, they are far from being able to reflect on their attitude or their actions in order to improve in some facet of their lives.

They are intolerant of other people's faults and shortcomings, but perceive their own mistakes as insignificant and, in any case, justifiable.

Tactics used by victimizers

When there is one person who assumes the role of victim, there must be another who is perceived as guilty. To this end, chronic victimizers employ a series of tactics and strategies to make another person feel guilty.

If we ignore this modus operandi If we ignore this modus operandi of victimizers, it is easier for us to fall into their frame of mind and for them to convince us that all the blame is ours.

1. Rhetoric and oratory of the victimizer

It is very common for this type of person to try to ridicule and disqualify any argument of their "enemy".. However, they do not try to refute the adversary on the basis of data or better arguments, but they dedicate themselves to disqualify and try to make the other person assume the role of "attacker".

How do they achieve this? By assuming the role of victim in the discussion, so that the adversary looks like an authoritarian person, with little empathy and even aggressive. This point is known in the discipline that studies argumentation as "centrist rhetoric", since it is a tactic that seeks to present the enemy as a radical, instead of refuting or improving his arguments. Thus, every argument of the opposing side is only a demonstration of aggressiveness and extremism.

If they are cornered by an assertion or irrefutable data, the victimizer will not answer with arguments or other data, but will say something like this: "You always attack me, are you telling me I'm lying?" or "I don't like it when you impose your point of view"..

2. The "withdrawal in time" of the victimizer.

Sometimes, the victimizer's discourse is focused on evading responsibility in an attempt to avoid having to acknowledge a failure or apologize for something he or she has done wrong. To do so, he/she will try to get out of the situation as best he/she can. The most common strategy, in addition to disqualifying his interlocutor's argument (see point 1), consists of to avoid admitting that he was wrong in his position..

How do they achieve this? By assuming the role of victim and manipulating the situation so that the interaction enters a spiral of confusion. This means that the victimizer tries to project his mistakes onto the adversary.

For example, if in the thread of a discussion, the opponent brings a proven and reliable fact that contradicts the position of the victimizer, the latter will not acknowledge that he was wrong. Instead, he will try to retreat using these typical phrases. "This data does not contradict what I was saying. Please stop confusing us with numbers that are beside the point." o "You are blaming me for having given my simple opinion, there is no point in continuing to argue with someone like that.". And, after these words, it is normal for him to leave the scene feeling like a "winner".

3. Emotional blackmail

The last of the strategies most frequently used by chronic victimizers is emotional blackmail. When they know well the virtues and defects of their "adversary", they do not hesitate to manipulate his emotions, they do not hesitate to manipulate their emotions to try to get their way and show themselves as the victim.. People who play the victim have a great ability to recognize emotions, and use other people's doubts and weaknesses to their own advantage.

How do they achieve this? They are able to detect their opponent's weak points and try to make the most of the empathy they can give them. In this way, they forge the situation so that the other person assumes the role of the executioner, and they secure themselves in the position of the victim.

This type of attitude can materialize, for example, with the mother who tries to blame her child with phrases such as: "With everything I always do for you, and this is how you repay me". Emotional blackmail is also a typical manipulation strategy in relationships. We explain it in depth in this article:

"Emotional blackmail: a way to manipulate your partner's feelings".

How to deal with such a person?

The most important thing is that, if you have a chronic victimizer in your close circle, you are able to identify him or her. Afterwards, try not to get caught up in their manipulative game.. It is enough to let him know that his regrets are always the same and that the brave thing to do in this life is to try to find solutions. If they are willing to find solutions to their problems, we must lend them a hand and let them know that we are with them, but we must also make it clear that we are not going to waste time listening to their complaints.

Being pragmatic, you should take care of yourself and avoid getting bad vibes as much as possible. You should not accept that they try to make you feel guilty for their problems. He can only hurt your feelings if you let him have that power over you.