Conflict resolution: crisis or hidden opportunity?

If we see conflicts as a win-win competition, we miss an opportunity.

When we talk about conflict, we may be referring to a myriad of everyday situations in which the interests of one party clash head-on with those of the other. That is the great certainty of conflict, i.e., that there are two or more parties involved who approach a given situation from different perspectives. This is the problem.

Why is it a problem in itself to approach a conflict from different perspectives? I think the answer to this question may be more or less obvious. We will hardly reach points of agreement if we do not go in the same direction. This is the key to conflict resolution.

Types of conflicts

If we stop to think about it, we could give examples of all kinds. The student angry with his classmates because they do not get involved in the tasks assigned to him, at the same level of demand. The housewife, feeling the fatigue of picking up again and again the messes made by family members. The boy who is disappointed with his friends because he expected them to do for him at least as much as he would be willing to do for them. The soccer school coaches who think differently about how the school is run. The children of that retired couple who urge them to enjoy their existence more, even doing things they don't even want to do themselves. Or the couple who can't quite agree on the name they will give their future child. The young architect, who maintains a fierce dispute with herself about her abilities, skills and/or worth. In short, conflicts, conflicts and more conflicts.

We could determine around this type of conflicts, different levels or gradients of subjective importance, because when we fall into conflict, its dimension can cloud our perception, as other underlying factors come into play.The main ones are those we will see below. The main ones are the ones we will see below.

1. The search for truth

One of the most common is perhaps the conflict that occurs in terms of the possession of the truth, assuming that the opposite position to ours is, by contrast, a lie. I remember a picture of a dress that became very popular, which perfectly illustrated this conflict. In front of it, there were those who perceived the dress of a certain color, against others who perceived it of another, being paradoxically all of them right. And in real life it is no different. There are few certainties that can settle the aforementioned debate, mainly those related to the field of exact sciences or contrasted facts, but we usually move, in general terms, much more in the field of interpretations of the facts. in the field of interpretations..

2. Empathy

Another version of this triad would be the classic "I am right vs. you are wrong", which evidences a great absence of empathy. a great absence of empathyThis is especially true when we hear it in a cafeteria in relation to the skills of a Portuguese or an Argentinean, of one team or another, or with respect to a certain political position. When we express our opinions, preferences and tastes or personal prejudices (with less rigor if possible), it is too sterile an effort for the possible reward.

3. The judge: innocent and guilty

We find another prototypical conflict in the causal attribution of blame that occurs when mistakes or accidents are committed. Normally, we express ourselves in terms of I vs. you/others, as a way of exempting ourselves from the discomfort that would be generated if we were guilty.. But the more time we spend identifying the guilty parties, the less time we have to solve the mistake.

4. Self-confidence

The last of the usual conflicts that we will analyze here is the classic conflict of confidence, in which we express thoughts, in the form of beliefs that predispose us to consider whether "I am or am not" capable, or in another of its variants, whether "I can or cannot" change or face a certain situation. Once again, as if it were any other of the evaluated conflicts, we are faced with the vain paralyzing dynamic that keeps us in doubt, making it difficult to change or face a certain situation. that keeps us in doubt, hindering our progress towards our objectives. we really yearn for.

Conflict resolution: synergies integrating proposals

For the resolution of any type of conflict, a series of aspects are essential:

First of all, Firstly, knowing how to identify the common objective that can achieve the unification of positions.. In the case of divorcing couples with children, it could be to identify the common good of both, the welfare of the children.

In second place, it is fundamental to adopt a favorable predisposition for the assumption of commitments of improvement by the parts, that is to say, to stop looking for culprits to analyze and to assume the responsibilities of each one that contribute to surpass the conflict.

From the identification of general objectives and the assumption of responsibilities, we shall be in a position to to build the necessary bridges or integrative proposals for solutionrather than being in a position to demolish the arguments or positions of the opposing party, because we will have identified ourselves as two parts of the same thing, the conflict. Resolving it will then be the main objective.

A conflict is hardly resolved if one of the parties feels aggrieved, because it will keep its resentment or discomfort for the future, possibly generating worse consequences. It is important to generate a feeling of mutual gainIt is important to generate a feeling of mutual gain, the "win to win" as the English speakers say, in order to favor the commitment of the parties when it comes to solving the conflict.

If we are able to internalize these approaches, we may be able to do away with the unpleasantness caused by traffic fights, empty discussions or internal debates, and generate coordinated efforts in the form of synergies between the various parties responsible for the conflict.

If all this If all this offers us the possibility of getting closer to our objectives, are they crises or opportunities?If all this offers us the possibility of getting closer to our objectives, are they crises or opportunities for improvement?