Depression due to a breakup: what it is, symptoms, causes and what to do

Sometimes, mourning the end of a love relationship can lead to depression. How can this be detected?

Living as a couple is an experience that can be extremely rewarding. However, love and relationships are also complex, and it is likely that on more than one occasion things will not work out and the relationship will eventually come to an end.

The end of a relationship is something that usually generates great pain and sadness, to the point that people often report depression due to the breakup. people report being depressed about the breakup. But, although the experience is obviously not (as a rule) gratifying and similar symptoms are common... does breakup depression really exist? Why is it usually considered as such? Can depression arise for this reason? How can we try to combat it? Let's see it throughout this article.

• Related article, "How to get over a breakup?"

Major depression

Before entering to value the possible affective reactions that can arise after suffering a love breakup, it is necessary to comment in the first place of what we are speaking when we refer to a depression. This is necessary, since often they are taken for depressions normative reactions or even states of mind in which the sadness abounds but that do not fulfill the criteria to become a true depression.

It is called major depression one of the most frequent and prevalent mental disorders worldwide.It is characterized by the presence of a sad mood and/or the lack of ability to perceive gratification or pleasure, even from those activities that previously excited us.

In addition to these symptoms, it is common the presence of a strong hopelessness about the future, feelings of guilt and worthlessness (which may even be delusional), extreme passivity, a tendency to isolate (which may even be delusional), extreme passivity, tendency to isolation, sleep problems, loss of appetite and weight, loss of energy and fatigue, physical and mental slowing, concentration problems, psychomotor agitation, and thoughts of death and suicide.

These symptoms, and especially the first two, are present for most of the day on most days for at least two weeks and cannot be due to substance use or other disturbances such as the presence of psychotic problems.

Some of these symptoms may arise in response to specific situations, namely sadness, concentration problems, or loss of weight, appetite and sleep. But as a general rule they are not considered to be part of a major depression unless they exceed the normal reaction to the loss involved.In this case, the termination of the relationship.

Depression due to a breakup

There is no doubt that a breakup is an experience that can be painful and even traumatic depending on the circumstances surrounding it. Especially if it is not mutually agreed and one of them wants to continue with the relationship.. And although the situation is usually very painful for the person left, it can also be difficult for the one who leaves. In most cases it generates great sadness, suffering and doubts, as well as a loss of desire to do things and an increased tendency to isolate oneself.

However, it should be borne in mind that there is no such thing as "breakup depression" as a diagnostic label.. In fact, although there are indeed reactive depressions to certain events and a sentimental breakup can become a trigger for a major depression, in most cases what we experience is a grieving process.

That is to say, we are dealing with something normal and not pathological.We have just suffered a loss of something that we had been counting on and that was important to us. And this mourning may require a long process to reach the acceptance of such a breakup, in which we may go through different phases.

In this sense, it is usual that after the breakup we first go through a stage of denial of the new situation, in which we do not experience any emotional reaction to the new situation. we do not experience any emotional reaction to the breakup because we have not yet processed it as something real..

Subsequently it is possible that a phase of anger arises out of frustration, in which anger and blame may appear towards oneself or towards the other person, or may even be directed towards the rest of the world even though it has nothing to do with the situation.

There may appear a phase of negotiation, of searching for alternatives at a mental level, of thinking about what could have changed the situation so that the breakup would not have occurred, or even of trying to get the person back.

After this comes the depressive phase, which would be the one most commonly considered by the population as "breakup depression": in this phase we may experience sadness, lack of desire to do things, fatigue and apathy, ruminating thoughts about the other person, sleep problems or lack of appetite.

Finally, the last phase would be that of acceptanceIn this phase, little by little, we end up processing and accepting that we will have to live our lives without the other person as a partner. With time the pain of the breakup will subside and with it the energies are recovered and the mourning is overcome.

It is advisable to to allow some time to pass before seeing our ex-partner again.In order to be able to separate what this person means to us (if the breakup was positive, it is possible to maintain a certain relationship and even become friends again, although it is recommended that this is not attempted until much later) from what he or she once was.

When does this disorder appear?

Although, as we have said, in most cases we are facing a normative process of mourning, typical of the loss of the type of relationship we had with that person, the truth is that there are occasions in which we can go on to develop a real depression.. This occurs when the mourning process does not end, so that the sufferer is unable to reach the stage of acceptance and overcome his or her discomfort.

Concretely, we would be talking about a reactive or situational depression, or an adaptive disorder with depressive characteristics. an adaptive disorder with depressive characteristics (although it can also present with anxiety or in a mixed way), in which depressive and/or anxious symptoms derived from a specific experience that we are not able to overcome and without which the problem would not exist.

This alteration generates a great dysfunctionality in different areas. In fact, the picture could end up becoming a major depression, becoming a trigger for it.

Although determining an approximate date to overcome a grief is somewhat artificial (we all have our own rhythm to overcome things), we can suspect the existence of a depression caused by the breakup when after this event our mood is sad most of the day on most days, we suffer from severe sleep disturbances (insomnia or somnolence), and we are not able to sleep well. (insomnia or excessive sleepiness), slowed speech and thinking, low self-esteem, and hopelessness about the future.

Cognitive distortions that perpetuate the distress are also common and include an aversive view of oneself, the world and the future, feelings of worthlessness, inability to make decisions or carry out day-to-day activities, avoidance of the discomfort and pain of the breakup (sometimes with extreme (sometimes with extreme or compulsive behaviors, such as compulsive pursuit of sexual relations or drug use), extreme isolation and/or thoughts of death and suicide, among others.

Although many of these alterations also occur during bereavement, it will be in depression when they are more extreme, intense and accentuated. In addition, in depression these symptoms do not subside over time but remain, or even intensify as time goes by.

What to do? Guidelines to overcome sadness

Overcoming the pain of the breakup has its process and we must respect it, but in this process we can incorporate different types of strategies to prevent the psychological pain from becoming chronic. different types of strategies to avoid that the psychological pain becomes chronic or that the grief or that the grief turns into something more serious and even depression.

Try to practice pleasant activities

When we are depressed or even during periods of grief, it is normal that the desire to do things can be reduced. However, even if it is difficult, we must force ourselves to look for gratifications and things that motivate us.. If necessary, something as seemingly simple as taking a walk looking for a single stimulus or positive element to remember.

We can also try to explore and discover new activities and places. Just because the other person is not in our life does not mean that we cannot enjoy it.

Lean on your loved ones and avoid isolating yourself.

Another common element when we are sad or depressed is the tendency to isolate ourselves or to want to be alone. The truth is that this can be quite detrimental, as it perpetuates the feeling of abandonment and loneliness. perpetuates the sensation of abandonment and loneliness and makes it difficult to overcome the breakup. It is much more advisable to allow oneself to lean on those around us. It is also important to be able to let off steam and express our feelings, doubts and fears (but without doing so constantly, otherwise it can lead to rejection).

Eat and sleep

The lack of sleep and sufficient nutrients makes recovery much more difficult, both in depression due to a breakup and in any other psychological alteration of mood.

Even if we have no appetite, we should try to force ourselves to eat in a healthy and balanced way. As far as sleeping is concerned, it is advisable to to try to plan the moments of sleep and prepare a scenario that allows us to relax. It is also advisable to practice relaxation techniques.

Assess your thoughts, beliefs and demands

When a relationship breaks up, different types of beliefs and thoughts may arise. It is advisable to try to review them objectively, without valuing them and without judging them. It is also useful to to consider whether there are any alternative interpretations.

Aspects such as what having a partner implies, what we demand from others and from ourselves (sometimes we have excessive and unrealistic self-demands or demands) and what self-image we have are elements to analyze.

Do not avoid pain

A frequent mistake that almost all of us make in this type of situation is to try to avoid the pain we feel, often actively.

While distraction may be useful at certain times, it is actually much more efficient to allow oneself to feel the pain and discomfort in such a way that the situation can be processed both cognitively and emotionally. that the situation can be processed both cognitively and emotionally.. On the other hand, it is not a matter of recreating and congratulating oneself on the pain (something that would also be harmful), but of allowing oneself to feel the suffering and not denying it.

Do sport

Sport is a very healthy practice, which has also been found to be useful in helping to combat mood symptoms. A useful strategy would be to try to increase the level of exercise that we do, something that in the long run generates an increase in endorphins that can help us to get out of the discomfort.

Seek professional help

Although generally a bereavement does not require professional treatment, if it becomes chronic and especially if it turns into a depression it may be necessary to ask for help from a specialist in psychotherapy.

It may be beneficial to follow some kind of therapy or psychological treatment in which aspects such as self-esteem, the practice of pleasant activities or the modification of cognitive biases and dysfunctional beliefs, among others, are worked on. Sometimes it may also be necessary the prescription by a psychiatrist of some type of Antidepressant or anxiolytic, but rather as a support in the process and not as the only treatment itself.