Desire for revenge: what is it really and how to combat it?

At first the desire for revenge can be seductive, but taking that path is almost always harmful.

Revenge is often seen as a path that leads us to a state of mind of serenity once we have settled a score we had with something or someone. From this perspective, the desire to take revenge is nothing more than the natural result of having been humiliated or harmed in a very significant way, sometimes without the person who has harmed us having something in return.

However, the desire for revenge is not a healthy feeling in itself.. In fact, it can make us enter into a destructive logic that does not do good neither to us nor to the society in which we live.

What is revenge?

Revenge is a set of behaviors aimed at harming a person or a group of people who is perceived as guilty or responsible for a harm caused on others or, frequently, on the person with the vengeful desires.

In short, revenge is a way of managing behaviors linked to aggression. Sometimes, instead of adopting a behavior that involves directly confronting the person who has harmed us at the moment he or she has just done so, we opt for a medium- or long-term strategy, which would allow us to have a greater probability of inflicting the desired damage by being able to benefit from the time and preparation of resources to plan the physical or psychological attack.

On the other hand, it has been found that people who are more likely to embrace revengeful behaviors are those who score high on the personality trait linked to sadism. Sadistic people are those who are relatively prone to enjoy the suffering of others.

The difference with justice

From a young age we are educated with the idea that negative acts have negative consequences, and positive acts, produce beneficial changes. This idea is often valid in the context of the education that parents give to young children, but in adult life things do not work that way. Often, by default, the damage is left there, and the universe will not conspire to make amends.

Faced with this reality, the desire for justice appears as a human quality aimed at creating a better society in which the principle that all people have the same rights and in which there must be compensation mechanisms. However, the desire for revenge is not born out of a desire to make the world a better place, but out of a much more visceral feeling. It is not something that has to do with a way of seeing the world or with desires of how society should be, but rather with hatred and resentment. it has to do with hatred and resentment..

Thus, desires for revenge can become a way of getting into a conflict dynamic that makes the problem bigger than it already is, due to its passionate and unsystematic character. If a vengeful attitude has to do with the desire to channel negative feelings through harming those who we consider "should pay" for something, justice is more of a human construction that is applied on a social scale, and in which several agents participate: investigators, members of the judicial system, etc.

In addition, the existence of the law is very important in justice, a series of codes that exist independently of each specific case and whose function is to seek, as far as possible, that penalties are always applied under the same criteria and based on ideas that everyone can know beforehand (although with nuances, since there is always room for interpretation).

If the purpose of justice is to discourage the act of committing illegalities and to participate in the reintegration of those who receive punishments, then revenge only seeks to have an effect in the reinsertion of those who are punished, revenge only seeks to have an effect on those who take revenge, acting as a kind of self-therapy (although without scientific evidence of effectiveness). (although without scientific evidence of effectiveness).

Why are desires for revenge a negative thing?

Beyond the feeling that once revenge is achieved, a certain compensatory relief will be experienced for the suffering caused previously, This motivational force often leads to harmful results.. Here are some of the reasons.

1. There are no limits to harm

In revenge there are only the limits that one sets oneself, as it is a unilateral act and is not subject to any criteria other than those that one applies oneself. That is why it is easy to go too far in the will, it is easy to go too far in the will to harm someone.. Justifications are appearing at any indication that many thresholds are exceeded, and this can lead to a situation in which control is lost and a lot of Pain is produced.

2. Untapped potential

Some people invest a lot of time and effort in getting even. It is very easy, once this stage has passed, to look back and see this period as a waste of time, a gap in the calendar, because nothing that is enjoyed in the future in a sustained way is due to those actions.

3. The escalation of violence

It is easy to forget why it all started, and it is easy for an action to have that an action has its reaction indefinitely.. In this way, an initiative that seemed to be liberating at the beginning (since in theory it served to be able to feel at peace) becomes enslaving, as it demands more and more time and effort.

4. It does not seek to transform society or the behavior of the other individual.

Although in colloquial language we sometimes speak of revenge as "teaching someone a lesson", the truth is that the pedagogical interest does not exist in these cases. The perception of the one who suffers the act of revenge is secondary in comparison to the experience gained by the one who attacks. Therefore, as we have seen, this person may even be encouraged to continue harming others (or the one who has taken revenge), as we have seen. Revenge is individualistic in nature, but the fact is that ethics and morality exist at the social level..

What to do?

When faced with the desire for revenge, the best thing to do is to opt for one of two options.

On the one hand, it is good to seek distractions that help to make intrusive thoughts about it appear again and again. By changing habits, you break the tendency to always think about the same thing or fantasize about getting revenge.

On the other hand, one can also choose to take revenge in a very indirect way. revenge in a very indirect and relatively constructive and benign way.. This is the lesser evil option. For example, using that desire for compensation by making personal progress serve as a lesson for the one who wanted to harm us, showing that his attempts to hurt us were in vain.

In any case, it is clear that each case is unique depending on one's philosophy of life. But that doesn't mean there isn't a battle to be fought (and won) against the desire for revenge.